Saturday, January 31, 2009

I've Got a Dick On My Face Don't I....

After the Gophers got beat again tonight I needed some good news. It came in the form of Reese blacked out with marker on his face. Thank you Hammy. If the details aren't posted on here by tomorrow, I'll explain as much as I can. Hopefully Hammy will fill in the blanks. Also, today I saw an asian man run over a mexican on a bike and some dude puke on himself at the FBR. Fuckin sweet.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Congratulations are in order!

We must congratulate Dale Stainbrook for making it to the WCHA. He finally made it and is blowing calls in the Gopher/Mankato game. I'm pretty sure Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder watched the replay of Carman's shot and saw it went in. Fuck this game.

How bullshit is this?

Thursday, January 29, 2009

I Want Your Vote!

This was sent in by Shaumberg, apparently he isn't happy that he hasn't received a single vote yet. Jesus, settle down tardo. Anyways...


What a psycho.

Something to think about...

Rat shit, bat shit, dirty rotten twat. Sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot. Hurray, lizard shit, fuck.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Don't Get in Skid's Way

Here we see a young man who crossed our own Eduardo Morlan. What could this kid have done to deserve being stabbed in the face with fork? The answer is simple: he budged in front of what he thought was a moose at a fargo area happy joe's. This kid put on his favorite twins shirt, gathered up all his change for the game room, and headed out to the happiest place on earth. little did he know that taking the last piece of pepperoni would set off such complete rage and land him in the ER for 7 hours.

Hextall 4 Hobey

First time poster, long time reader.
Hextall doesn't put up the most points, but he single handily beats teams. He took the Golden Chokers out of their game. He took the Denver Pioneers out of their game. TJ Oshie, Jonathan Toews, Zach Parise could only beat 1-3 guys on the ice. Hextall beats 20+. There has been no better evidence than the past 2 weekends and both teams have credited Hextall for getting under their skin and throwing them off their game.

Here is Hextall drawing 3 penalties (1 - 10 minute misconduct) in a time span of around :30 seconds.

Here is more of Hextall's work (from the Herald - "It appeared that a Brett Hextall check near the Denver bench set off Gwozdecky, although he wouldn’t confirm it. The coach jumped on top of the dasher boards and flailed his arms at Anderson, asking the ref to throw Hextall out of the game"):

And for somebody who writes about Boogard on a daily basis, even you have to appreciate this:

He will never get considered for the Hobey because, obviously, this goes against what the Hobey stands for but I do think he is the MVP of the Sioux, and probably the WCHA. I don't give a flying fuck about class. Class doesn't win championships. Hextall does.

Another great waste of time

Go here and say goodbye to any type of productivity for the next couple of hours. I find it a lot more entertaining than the girls basketball game that Notch-O is oddly obsessed with.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Oh Canada!

So I'm stuck watching the Wild on a Canadian feed again tonight. Thanks FSN. Boogaard is basically chasing May around the rink every time he's out there, well both times he's been out there. During one of these chases, the Maple Leaf anouncers had some dyn-o-mite banter going back and forth. To sum it up, the play by play fag was talking about how Boogaard doesn't get into too many fights anymore because everyone in the league knows he's trying to hurt people when he fights. huh? The color guy jumps in and says something to the effect of "no shit sherlock". The first fag must've realized he sounded like skippy explaining the left-wing lock because at that point he circled the wagon and tried to justify his comment. not a good idea. it went something like this: well, you know most players when they fight are trying to set the tone, not necessarily hurt the other player. Boogaard is just too big for that, if you get in a fight with him, there's a good chance you'll get hurt. The 2nd guy must've wanted to slap that homo, instead he threw down a comment asking if he thought they should shadow box or something like that and the queer had no response, just dropped the topic. awesome. this is the shit you expect to hear when listening to people in phoenix talk about hockey, not so much torontonites. i'll assume thats what they're called. if not, they should be.

enough about that, did anyone else get any text messages from the feever this weekend? i have one on my phone with the quote "hextall for hobey". not even kidding. i would love to see a post on here with some reasoning behind that. the floor is yours feever.

and to quote russel and explain the picture above, when referring to blake "he'll always look like the result of a botched abortion." couldn't agree more. In keeping with the retard theme, there's a new poll on the right for coolest retard in C-Town history. There's been some good ones, but I think if you were putting together an all-star team these would be at the top of the list.

Quick update on the made-for-TV-saga coming soon to Lifetime Network HD starring Doc...

Apparently, cheering wildly in the fourth quarter wasn't enough. Coach refuses to apologize for blowing out retards, gets fired. The saga continues.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Ovechkin is an asshole...

but i'd still have his children if it was possible. how sad is it that this asshole putting on sunglasses and a hat was the highlight of the skills competition. that used to be the only good thing about all star weekend. now the whole thing is garbage. i'd rather watch skid take it in the ass from crazy EP. Which leads me to wonder what the big moose is up to today. I can only imagine he's fingering his own butt hole while choking himself and listening to Taylor Swift. You're welcome for that nightmare.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Doc, if ever there was a real life event for you to turn into a made-for-TV-movie, starring you (as the assistant coach, in this case), this is it...

Check it out. It's a feel-good story about assistant coaches that cheer wildly as their girls basketball team racks up points in a 100-0 defeat of retarded kids.


If you like ATHF and haven't seen any episodes of this show yet, I highly advise you check it out. You know the feeling you get after an episode of ATHF where you kind of sit there and think, "what the fuck just happened?" well take that and multiply it by 10. I think I counted 50 people getting their heads ripped off in the 10 minute episode I watched. Aweseomeness.

*EDIT* It's on Adult Swim (Cartoon Network) right around the same time as ATHF. Also, if you go to this website and click "watch a clip" you'll pretty much know if you're going to like it or not.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Blast from the YouTube Past

Check out this video, and go to about 1:46 into it. I'm pretty sure that's Lil' Sis from the "Whistle Tips" YouTube video, starring Bub Rubb and Lil' Sis, first of all. Secondly, check out what she calls the new leader of the free world.

You can tell how important this is to her. I'm changing my name to 'Casohnson' right now.



Of course the first time i mention boogaard not fighting he gets into a tussel. I'll give him the win over Lurch from the Adams Family who i didn't even know played for the Kings. what a queer. Seriously, if i ever saw boogey stare at me like he did that fuck bag at the beginning of the fight, i'd poop and pee myself simultaneously.

Quick Question

Why the fuck are the Wild wearing white at home tonight? Anybody?

Another couple of questions pertaining to the Wild. And i have to watch it on the Kings feed which is stupid. I wonder how Zidlicky's name is listed in the media guide. I swear every announcer this season other than Terhaar and Greenlay pronounce it Zid-lit-ski or some variance of that. Really annoying. Also, these clowns keep saying Bo-guard. Which is also interesting that he's had about 3 shifts already in the first 15 minutes of the game. And i haven't seen him fight yet this year. I guess when you put on a youth fighting clinic in the offseason you get a reputation around the league. Sort of how Skippy has a reputation that makes cooks shiver when he walks into a buffet. I'm sure that comment will lead to a Hammy story of a young lady shivering in downtown Minneapolis, but I say bring it on.

*UPDATE* I checked around a little bit and solved the Zidlicky query.

Marek Židlický (pronounced [ˈmarɛk ˈʒɪdlɪtskiː]

So there you have it. Not sure how you could confuse that. Fucking foreigners. Did i catch a niner in there?

One more observation, and not to nitpick, but these guys are fucking brutal. Now they're talking about Gaborik's ball region being broken, and they keep saying Gob-o-rick. Homos.


Since this coming weekend is going to suck, I'll post a picture at the bottom of this post of a chick in a sports bra. That should cheer everyone up. But until then...

Reasons why this weekend is going to be fucking gay:

1. Gophers hockey have an off week. Again. Two weeks after taking a 3 week break. Gay.

2. No NFL games this week. For the first time in about 6 months there will be no football on at all this weekend. Gay.

3. NHL All-Star shit. Not saying the skills competition isn't sweet, but this also means the Wild are off for a week after tonight's game against LA. Which also sucks because the Kings are fucking boring and the Wild are fucking boring so this game will probably be a really fucking boring game.

4. NBA is, wait. Disregard that thought. Basketball is only legal to watch during March when it's college tournament time. And then only when there is 10 games going on at once and they keep switching back and forth. And you're drunk.

So basically this week is pretty depressing already. Nothing to look forward to and really no reason to get drunk. Not that you need a reason. Ever. But still.

I'm going to go ahead and look towards the following weekend which includes the return of Gopher Hockey, the FBR Open, the Superbowl, and probably other cool shit. Much better. Oh, and i definately tried to hump that crazy bitch back in the day. And i'm almost positive i pissed her bed that night. Pure class. Over and out. Enjoy the pic.

What a Beauty! Get a couple of safety pins and put on a hockey jersey, works for me.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I would have posted this sooner...

but skipper failed to mention the name of the she-beast he went out with.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Forgotten Hook-Up

So Skipper may be the latest retard to have an encounter with E to the P Palmtree but, if my memory serves me right, he was not the first. I don't remember all the details, but I think Hambone could add to this. There was a time when we were living in Moorhead when the Doctor himself hooked up with the P-Tree. Now I know this may surprise some of you that Doc would have a questionable hook up (see Nicki Lauf rumors). The story goes that the Doc and P-Tree were at one of the many bars frequented in Fargo-Moorhead and that after a long day of school girl flirting and, I can only imagine, a shit load of drinking, EP was able to lure the Doc into a restroom. The rest of the story cannot be confirmed by me but I heard that she pulled out her portable workbench and worked the Doctor over like Skid at a chinese buffet. The Doc then tells the rest of us the next day that this bitch is crazy and might have to end her life if she doesn't stop calling. If I were Skipper I would have used one of my "kill some time between feedings" phone calls to Doc to ask about how absolutely psycho EP is...hindsight is 20-20 my friends. Lesson learned Skipper, now get a new number, a new pallet of rubs, and get back to crushin' puss.

Hockey Day Minnesota

As mentioned before, I'll be spending today drinking beer, watching hockey, and possibly getting some sun on the back porch. Nice little Saturday. Here's the schedule for the day -

9:00 am
Coverage Begins

10:00 am
Rochester John Marshall HS vs St. Paul Johnson HS
Outdoor Game
Phalen Park, St. Paul

1:00 pm
White Bear Lake HS vs Duluth East HS
Xcel Energy Center

5:00 pm
University of Minnesota vs St. Cloud State University
National Hockey Center, St. Cloud

8:00 pm
Minnesota Wild vs Anaheim Ducks
Xcel Energy Center

I was going to include my personal agenda for the day, but after the first two entries just said "start drinking" and "continue drinking" i noticed a trend and figured it would just waste my time to keep putting that every 10 minutes. Smart money says that i'll switch to Morgan Cokes before noon, be black out drunk before the gophs game starts, and probably passed out before the wild game, but you never know what can happen if i put my mind to it.

Friday, January 16, 2009

I Fucked up

I left out the part in my story about when i was dropping her off at her place and I was saying my goodbye's she asks if I wanted to come in her house and have a beer, I did not ablige her and I said I wanted to get home to watch the rest of the natioanl championship game which I already sacraficed in the first place so she gets out of my car (my shocks appreciated it) so what do I do? Oh yeah I called Beav and told him to meet me at Labby's for a couple bumps.

PS: I'm going to be single for life.

"Maybe it's becuase I hate you Doc"

First of all I hate you all.
I've been finding other things to do with my time other then talking/using my cellular phone. Guy Things like shitting with the door open and talking about pussy.
So Skip decides to go on a date.....
What Notch is referring to as my girl E P Palmtree, he is talking about a girl named Erin "bat shit crazy" Palm, and yes if your wondering if it is any relation to Ryan Palmarino Palmy you are correct. You guys remember Palmy the one that completely destroyed our hopes and dreams of any post season chances by hiking the ball 97 feet over the punters head to lose the game by 1 in the 97/98 playoffs back in high school against Perham. You had literally one job to do all year Palmy and that was it. Yeah it was high school but People don't forget Palmy, people don't forget. Anyway, lets get back to my girl Easy E Palmatron. First of all don't ever go on a date with a chick that A. Gulia tries hooking you up with and B. the only photo you see is a snap shot of her face. note to all you readers get a full body pic before agreeing to a date. Gulia tells me she's pretty and she's a cool chick she just forgot to mention delusional, scitzophrenic, multiple personalities, ya know things that don't matter I guess. So I take her out to eat throw down $40 bucks gave her every possible sign that I wasn't interested and drop her off at home she asks me to come in for a beer i say I was going to so what does Ms. Psycho nut job, man eater do. Texts me non stop for 2 days a constant flow of texting diarhea as I like to call it about movie quotes and crazy shit that people say who are in straight jackets at Prairie St. Johns nut house. My cell phone bill this last month was $94 becuase of that Diarhea fingers. But, thankfully the madness was put to an end on Sunday night. I like to give Notch a big fucking thank you for instigating Ms. Happy Fingers and wish him a slow painful death. Oh and i'm organizing a mass suicide are you guys in? Yes i will drink the koolaid first.

Update on Skid's Phone

I have rock solid evidence that confirms that skipper's phone is still functioning and in his possession. It is impossible for him to send any outgoing messages or phone calls however, due to the barrage of text messages he is receiving night and day from his girl, E to the P, Palmtree. She is constantly sending him jibberish and/or quotes from the movie Step Brothers, or some type of combination of both. She is going for some type of world record. And this time it doesn't involve besting (redacted).


Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Return of Random Thoughts...

*UPDATE* Just heard about the fire at the Hunt's place this morning. That sucks balls. Glad everyone got out alright. If i was looking for a cause, I'd check for any empty Miller Lite bottles outside near the hot tub, possibly half full of chew spit. Then i'd look around for Marlboro Light butts. If either of those are present, i'm going to assume that a situation similar to the hot tub situation on "Out Cold" was happening last night and somehow got out of control. Way to go Feever. Those jets sure are warm on a cold night though. Ok, back to your regularly scheduled worthlessness...

Well it's been quite some time since anybody has done anything on here. Looking at who usually puts shit on here and the level of laziness each of us possesses, it's no wonder. After the Wild took a nose dive in the standings and the Gophs got whipped last weekend, there was really no reason for anything on here as far as I'm concerned.

With the help of many many Morgan Cokes, i was able to completely erase last weekend from my brain. As far as i'm concerned, the Gophs had the weekend off and have been focusing on St. Cloud this weekend.

It's also Hockey Day Minnesota this Saturday, which means i'll be drinking beer all day and occasionally venturing out to the backyard to warm up. It's supposed to be in the mid 70's here this weekend, and right now it's 84 degrees warmer here than it is in c-town (62 here and -22 c-town). God that's gotta suck.

Feever just emailed some garbage about some fucker on the sioux who is apparently a pest or some shit. That would've probably been something to email around Gopher/Sioux weekend, but since they don't play this year i guess he just couldn't resist. what a retard.

also, i read in the feever that Wids had another fucking kid and named it cuntswayla or some shit. i'm probably going to text him congratulations and remind him that he's not mexican.

not sure about you a-holes, but we get monday off for dead black guy day. black people rock. well once a year anyways. i'll spend the day recovering from a hangover i'm sure. wouldn't have it any other way.

ok thats enough for now, i should pretend to care what these people are doing in class. gay.

one more thing, has anyone found skippy's cell phone? i'm assuming he lost it because i haven't gotten a single call from him lately, and usually it's atleast one a week and goes something like this...

"fattttty, what's up?"
"not a damn thing, watching tv."
"oh yeah, i'm just working at the liq, bored as hell. did you watch the gophs last weekend? hang on there's a customer here................(in background) oh yeah, did you watch the gophs last weekend?........." that's usually when i hang up and ignore all subsequent calls.

so if anyone has seen his phone, please return it. you can probably just drop it off at mcdonalds, he should have it by this afternoon.

oh yeah, and i'll probably update the shit on the right border at some point, but don't hold your breath. does anyone even look at that shit anyways? i'm thinking of trying something different on there, we'll see how that goes.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Quick Question:

Is that Darren Sharper? (Second pic from top in "Photographic Evidence" post.)