Twins Bullpen = Stinky Fucking Garbage

As I'm starting this post, Guerrier just plunked some Indian in the leg and there's no better way to lead into this latest bitch fest directed towards the Twins worthless fucking bullpen. As can be expected I got pretty bored watching Paul Watson march one worthless pitcher after another out to the mound tonight. So I decided to take a look at just how bad the bullpen has been since the all-star break. Keep in mind, this was two weeks before the trading deadline. And ole' Billy Boy Smith can preach on and on about how thin the relief pitching market was this season, but when you're not willing to pony up any money, the market for anybody is pretty slim. So a big fuck you to Smith. Pile of donkey shit. Anyways, here's the numbers for the bullpen in Twins losses since the break. You can say the stats are skewed since these are only losses, but I really don't give a shit and I'll twist any number so it backs up my bitching so fuck off.

July 19th vs Texas L 3-5

Keppel with a blown save, bullpen combines for 5.1 innings and 2 earned runs. 3.53ERA

July 20th vs Oakland L 13-14

Mijares took the loss, Keppel tosses 0.0 innings and gave up 3 earned runs. Bullpen overall with 3 innings and 7 earned runs. 21.00 ERA

July 22nd vs Oakland L 1-16

Mulvey with 1 inning and 4 earned runs, bullpen combined 7 innings and 8 earned runs 10.29ERA

July 23rd vs Oakland L 5-6

Nathan blown save, bullpen 4.2 innings and 4 earned runs 8.57ERA

July 24th vs Los Angeles L 3-6

Really the only quality outing for the bullpen in losses since the break, 2.2 innings, NO EARNED RUNS. holy batman shit. 0.00ERA

July 25th vs Los Angeles L 5-11

Dickey 0.1 innings with 3 earned runs. Bullpen 4.1 innings and 5 earned runs. 10.98ERA

July 31st vs Los Angeles L 5-11

Guerrier blown save, Keppel was the loser with 0.0 innings and 3 earned runs. Not to be outdone, Crain with 0.0 innings and 3 earned runs. 15.37ERA

August 1st vs Los Angeles L 6-11

Getting redundant, bullpen combines for 6 innings and 5 earned runs. 7.50ERA

August 2nd vs Los Angeles L 4-13

Bullpen combines for 5 innings and 4 earned runs. 7.20ERA

August 5th vs Cleveland L 1-8

This time Dickey takes the all too common 0.0 innings and 3 earned runs assignment. overall 3 innings pitched and 4 earned runs. 12.00ERA

That's 45.1 innings pitched with 37 runs allowed. 7.38ERA over that stretch. Jesus H. Christ that is pathetic. I'm not about to say that the starters have been solid by any means, but when you go out there knowing once you get behind you're pretty much fucked it's gotta be tough. With that said, any starting left hander who currently wears a Twins uniform (that means you Perkins and Liriano) please take Punto and go have a suicide party. I've heard they're loads of fun. And with Punto, you're almost guaranteed some butt fucking.

On a positive note, Cabrera is hitting like .450 since his arrival, and Souhan just said on the post game show that "he's not a good #2 hitter because he doesn't take a lot of walks." Not even kidding. Basically the definition of ratard. Either Dick or Bert said last week that before the trade, other than when Mauer was hitting second, the Twins combined for something like a .188 average in that spot. And you're complaining that he doesn't walk much? Fuck you dildo.

I'm pretty much cashing in at this point, I'll keep watching because it gives me something to bitch about and makes me feel like I belong down here in bed shitter country, but it's pretty much time to look forward to next season. However, if the White Sox and Tigers planes collide in mid-air, look out.