What the Fuck is Denver's Logo?

I understand that Denver's mascot is a Pioneer. But seriously, what is this? Is it a chicken? Is it Skid's drawing of a menstruating vagina? Who knows. What I know is Denver got swept by JBSU last week. That means that either they aren't very good or they played like dog shit last week. DU was picked to finish 2nd in the WCHA, so I am going to guess they had an off week. They have a bunch of good players, but I can't spell any of their names. I think Joe Bozyk might play for them. The good thing is that Peter Mannino doesn't play for them anymore. Instead, I think they are playing Tim Cheveldae. He wasn't good ten years ago, and he's not good now.

Minnesota comes in as the #1 rated team in the nation. It's November, so polls don't mean a whole lot, but it's better to be a fan of #1 than to be a fan of green and black (fun fact: UND's official school colors are pink and green). Minnesota's first line of Stoa, Schroeder, and Barribal has produced all year and this week should be no different. The rest of the line up needs to start contributing. Look for tDon to mix up the lines a bit in order to try and generate some offense. Minnesota's D has to keep doing what they've been doing all year, tight in their own end and get the puck out of the zone. You will also see more of the same from Alex Kangas, who is coming off his first WCHA shutout.

I think the Gophers might be catching DU at the right time and might be able to pull out a sweep, but the thin air might get to them, so a split is more likely.



Sidenote: Canadians smoke Players, not Parliaments.

Disappointment Saturday?

Can the Wild save what has otherwise been a rather disappointing day? I'm guessing not. After the Gopher hockey team managed to piss a two goal lead away, the Gopher football team managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. How gross. I think the Wooger had the right idea by being blitzed by 12:45. Something tells me the Wild aren't going to be able to pull this one out. With any luck they will at least manage a point before trapping in OT and choking in the shootout.

friday night is going to be lame

For those of you that aren't aware, the Gopher hockey team plays at 1 pm on Saturday and Sunday. Apparently there is some basketball event at the Barn on Friday night. This blows. Now I will have nothing to live for on Friday. I will have nothing entertaining to watch while I am getting warmed up for the bar. I guess there might be a St. Cloud or UMD game on some random cable access channel, but that's just not the same. I may be forced to check out Alaska-Anchorage and the sue on the NHL network. It would be fun to see the Seawolves take the sue down a peg. Another good thing is that I will have an excuse to start drinking at 1 on Saturday and something to distract me from the Gopher football team getting crushed.

Weekend Recap

Sorry for my recent absence. I've been really busy laying on the couch and eating. I'd say it won't happen again, but I guarantee it will. Anyway, here are my thoughts on the weekend:

• Was that Gus Frerrote or Derrick Schmalenberg playing QB for the Vikings? Either way he was dogshit. Holy christ horrible. Thank god I only got to watch the second half.


• It's really hard to be competitive when your men's league hockey team only has 5 guys show up. It's even harder when one guy gets kicked out for slashing someone in the face. I really need this bye week to recover.


• Gopher hockey good, gopher football bad. Welcome back to earth, Tim Brewster. However, if you didn't see this coming, you are dumber than John Lynch's left nut. If Decker is out, good luck the rest of the season. Here comes 7-5 afer a 7-1 start. Hello Motor City Bowl.


• That split-screen shit that FSN does during Saturday Gopher hockey games is garbage. Yep, let's spotlight Cade Fairchild picking his ass by the blue line while the puck is in the corner. Real fucking entertaining. At least they won.


• I'm pretty sure the Cedars of Edina intentionally shut down their elevators on Saturday knowing I was going to be helping my sister move into an apartment on the 3rd floor. Fuck them.

thoughts from the weekend

no real rhyme or reason here, just some random thoughts.

1. college hockey needs to rethink the penalty calling situation. i could've sworn dale stainbrook and a severely hungover dusty mjoen were reffing the gophers games. there was absolutely no flow to either game, it really looked like an nfl game with a penalty happening on just about every play. gay.

2. speaking of dusty mjoen, i hear that him and trevor brekken are reffing the winter classic game at wrigley this year. expect them to show up 5 minutes before the drop of the puck still drunk. maybe brandon boetcher can do the lines. talk about an all-star lineup.

3. gopher football is fun to watch again. i'm sure they can still find a way to lose two more games and end up in the redtube.com porno bowl in december. the only thing that sucks balls is that every game this year except one has started at 11am central. not too bad unless you live in arizona and 11am central translates to 9am. good thing when i woke up yesterday i was still drunk from friday night so i didn't have to work too hard to hit .24 by the half.

4. i can't find my debit card. i'm pretty sure i left it at the bar last night. note to self: when you leave the bar at 2am make sure to close out your tab and take your card back. i know this seems like an easy task, but remember who this is. now picture me at 2am on a saturday night. keep in mind this day started before 9am and i was still drunk and had a 32 ounce glass full of morgan coke in my hand. all of a sudden the simplest tasks don't seem so simple.

5. bought a new fire pit friday after work. this led directly to the 9am wakeup still drunk part of the weekend. i'm pretty sure if i didn't run out of beer i would've still been sitting out there when the gophers game started saturday morning. and if i wasn't out of wood and too lazy/hungover to go buy more, i'd probably be out there right now.

6. vikings didn't lose today. brad childress more than likely used the extra time to touch some little boys. god he looks like a pedo. and i'm pretty sure notch-o could kick his ass.

7. watching the world series so far and all i know is butch schleicher and sherm tollefson could be doing a better job umping. they have like 14 umps out there and yet still have managed to look like retards on more than one occasion.

8. wild are in town next saturday. not sure if the game will be on tv up there, but if it is make sure to keep your eyes open for an 'indian on welfare check day drunk' retard in a red wild jersey making a complete ass of himself. i'm not saying, i'm just saying. and tune in early, i'm not sure if i'll be there the whole game. not because i'll voluntarily leave early, but i've seen a few drunks get hauled out of that arena before. and we all know what kind of show i can put on if i put my mind to it. look out liver. if they kick me out you can bet everything you own that i'll go out firing cuss words at the elderly security guards. fuckin bed shitters.

9. if anybody wants to put it together, i really think we should try to line up a notcho vs chilly MMA fight. we could probably sell out lincoln field. yeah thats right, i'm talking an outdoor cage match. someone come up with a catchy name for it. and if anyone gets a chance, cruise by lincoln and see if there's any bleachers left up there.

10. dan wheeler is to the rays what matt guerrier is to the twins. garbage water.

11. with only 5 shopping days until halloween, the sluttiest of all holidays, make sure to charge up your cameras. submit your best pics from the weekend, and whoever posts a picture of the dirtiest slut will win a dirty pair of panties from the dirtiest slut of all, (insert someone's mom's name here). good luck.

12. if you're wondering about the picture at the top, i am too. i googled 'random shit' and that popped up. i think its macgyver. he's pretty sweet.

my fingers are tired and my brain hurts. i'm going to bed.

Goldy/Becky Preview

The #7 ranked Gophers travel to Madison this weekend to take on the unranked Badgers. Wisco has started the season 0-4 and are giving up about 6 goals a game. I bet they wish Brian Elliot was still around. They do have some talent on the blue line, though, featuring junior Jaime McBain, highly-touted freshman Jake Gardiner, and sophomore Ryan McDonagh, whose name has been mentioned in Gaborik trade rumors. Minnesota's forwards looked very fast last weekend against JBSU, so we'll see if UW's D can keep up. Up front, Wisco will look to have some new faces pick up the scoring lost with the possible season ending injury to Ben Streete.

Minnesota needs to continue playing an up-tempo game. As already mentioned, they appear to be a very fast team. Minnesota's D seemed solid last weekend and were able to contain JBSU's top scorers. Aaron Ness made a few freshman mistakes, but looked pretty composed. At this point it looks like David Fischer should be back in the lineup. From what I read, Wisco's forwards aren't all that fast, but they are big. We'll see if Minnesota's undersized D are up to the task. Up front, Minnesota had consistent play from every line. Carman, Lucia, and Flynn are a solid line that can match up against anyone. Hopefully the Stoa, Barriball, and Schroeder line can heat up and put some more points on the board. Lastly, the Gophers are solid in net for the first time in years with sophomore Alex Kangas, who stopped 49 of 52 shots last weekend for a save percentage of .941 and a GAA of 1.50. Look for him to be steady again this weekend.

My heart wants to say the Gophers sweep this weekend, but my head says it will be hard to sweep on the road, and Wisco has to win sometime, so a split is more likely. I am going to be optimistic and predict Minnesota takes 3 points.

And Hammy, if there are any typos you feel the need to point out, go fuck yourself.

Last Call....

Unfortunately I wasn't able to get my hands on any Jonas Brothers. Tickets of course.

I am fully prepared to do a live blog of the game tonight, as in my mind this will be the final Twinkies game this season. From what I saw this weekend, Gardenhire has thrown up the white flag and surrendered. If Matt Guerrier sees any action tonight I am going to have to get a tattoo removed tomorrow. I would rather see them dig up Christopher Reeve and have his dead crippled ass pitch than Guerrier. Hopefully I'm wrong and the Twins can hang around for atleast another week to get us closer to the Wild and Gophers seasons, but I'm not holding my breath.

I'll be on again when i get home from school, probably around 3:00 MST, and with the first pitch scheduled for 4:30 i should be about 6 beers deep by then.

Gopher Football

Almost time for kick off as the Gophers take on the Buckeyes. Last I heard the line was Ohio State by 19. Fuck that. I don't think the Gophers will win, but there is no way Ohio State covers. They aren't that good. Yes, Minnesota hasn't played anyone worth fucking with Skid's dick, but they are much, much better than last year. Weber and Decker are the real deal, and from what I hear, the Ohio State secondary is suspect. Should be an interesting watch, although I am already sick of this Iron Gym commercial they keep playing. And Glen Mason is going to be in the booth. Fuck me, right?

Finally Friday

Well, I'm not gonna lie to you, with the Royals in town i'm more excited about the drunk calls i'll inevitably get from skid and/or hammer tonight. Although Liriano is pitching so that's fun. Oh, and i got drunk with Mark Teahen last year when he was down for spring training, so that's pretty sweet. Probably won't be drinking much tonight, the Gophs game is on at 9:00 am tomorrow here, which equals a long day of drinking.

also of note - sox are losing in the 1st against cleveland. and AJ is still a homo.

Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirbyyyyyyyyy Pucket

Well, nobody except JP's cousin Tone bet on the Twins sweeping. If the Gophs beat the Buckeyes tomorrow, i'll see you in vegas.

Work Benches

Speaking of work benches, the last time I captured skid row laying wood on the work bench was in the park shop. I happened to be taking my 9:30 am coffee/smoke break and reading a 1994 Playboy...monster bush, yes, monster bush my friends. No, i am not referring to the mag, I am talking about the bush of good old Maureen that skiddy happened to be snacking on at the time.

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Sorry, i just puked on my computer after having a negative visual in my head.
GO Gophs!

Welcome to C-Town

Hey homos, I'm sick of having to go through a proxy blocker to access hotmail at school to receive Fee's remarkable commentary on former Gopher hockey players, and they haven't blocked bloggerville yet. so this is the solution i came up with. it might suck balls and get used for two hours before everyone forgets about it altogether, but what the hell. i'm not busy. and i tried to get the address to be http://c-town.blogspot.com/, but some idiot already took it. what the hell is Casa de Cartown - The products of a lack of sex? no idea. all i know is skippy has no lack of sex. he was busy laying the lumber to some innocent puss on his queen size workbench not more than 3 weeks ago. atta boy.

I'm hoping I can give everyone posting priveleges, otherwise just leave your gay remarks in the comments section.