Gay

Since this coming weekend is going to suck, I'll post a picture at the bottom of this post of a chick in a sports bra. That should cheer everyone up. But until then...

Reasons why this weekend is going to be fucking gay:

1. Gophers hockey have an off week. Again. Two weeks after taking a 3 week break. Gay.

2. No NFL games this week. For the first time in about 6 months there will be no football on at all this weekend. Gay.

3. NHL All-Star shit. Not saying the skills competition isn't sweet, but this also means the Wild are off for a week after tonight's game against LA. Which also sucks because the Kings are fucking boring and the Wild are fucking boring so this game will probably be a really fucking boring game.

4. NBA is, wait. Disregard that thought. Basketball is only legal to watch during March when it's college tournament time. And then only when there is 10 games going on at once and they keep switching back and forth. And you're drunk.

So basically this week is pretty depressing already. Nothing to look forward to and really no reason to get drunk. Not that you need a reason. Ever. But still.

I'm going to go ahead and look towards the following weekend which includes the return of Gopher Hockey, the FBR Open, the Superbowl, and probably other cool shit. Much better. Oh, and i definately tried to hump that crazy bitch back in the day. And i'm almost positive i pissed her bed that night. Pure class. Over and out. Enjoy the pic.


What a Beauty! Get a couple of safety pins and put on a hockey jersey, works for me.

The Return of Random Thoughts...

*UPDATE* Just heard about the fire at the Hunt's place this morning. That sucks balls. Glad everyone got out alright. If i was looking for a cause, I'd check for any empty Miller Lite bottles outside near the hot tub, possibly half full of chew spit. Then i'd look around for Marlboro Light butts. If either of those are present, i'm going to assume that a situation similar to the hot tub situation on "Out Cold" was happening last night and somehow got out of control. Way to go Feever. Those jets sure are warm on a cold night though. Ok, back to your regularly scheduled worthlessness...

Well it's been quite some time since anybody has done anything on here. Looking at who usually puts shit on here and the level of laziness each of us possesses, it's no wonder. After the Wild took a nose dive in the standings and the Gophs got whipped last weekend, there was really no reason for anything on here as far as I'm concerned.

With the help of many many Morgan Cokes, i was able to completely erase last weekend from my brain. As far as i'm concerned, the Gophs had the weekend off and have been focusing on St. Cloud this weekend.

It's also Hockey Day Minnesota this Saturday, which means i'll be drinking beer all day and occasionally venturing out to the backyard to warm up. It's supposed to be in the mid 70's here this weekend, and right now it's 84 degrees warmer here than it is in c-town (62 here and -22 c-town). God that's gotta suck.

Feever just emailed some garbage about some fucker on the sioux who is apparently a pest or some shit. That would've probably been something to email around Gopher/Sioux weekend, but since they don't play this year i guess he just couldn't resist. what a retard.

also, i read in the feever that Wids had another fucking kid and named it cuntswayla or some shit. i'm probably going to text him congratulations and remind him that he's not mexican.

not sure about you a-holes, but we get monday off for dead black guy day. black people rock. well once a year anyways. i'll spend the day recovering from a hangover i'm sure. wouldn't have it any other way.

ok thats enough for now, i should pretend to care what these people are doing in class. gay.

one more thing, has anyone found skippy's cell phone? i'm assuming he lost it because i haven't gotten a single call from him lately, and usually it's atleast one a week and goes something like this...

"fattttty, what's up?"
"not a damn thing, watching tv."
"oh yeah, i'm just working at the liq, bored as hell. did you watch the gophs last weekend? hang on there's a customer here................(in background) oh yeah, did you watch the gophs last weekend?........." that's usually when i hang up and ignore all subsequent calls.

so if anyone has seen his phone, please return it. you can probably just drop it off at mcdonalds, he should have it by this afternoon.

oh yeah, and i'll probably update the shit on the right border at some point, but don't hold your breath. does anyone even look at that shit anyways? i'm thinking of trying something different on there, we'll see how that goes.

Finally Friday...

...And no Gophers hockey tonight. Gay. On a positive note, the Wild and Canucks are about to start. And I've got plenty of beer in the fridge. Cory Schneider is in goal for the nucks, always a good sign when Luongo isn't playing. Didn't work so well last time for the Wild when the other backup (can't remember his name, but he's gay) was playing, but i'm thinking the Wild will take their chances with this douche bag.

Sheppard and Kessler duking it out in the first 30 seconds, and Kessler seems to like punching helmets. I'll give this one to Sheppard in a split decision, if he didn't have a helmet on the entire fight he'd have a headache, but he should be fine.

Gonna have to kill some nattys for this one, i'm not afraid to take one for the team. This could lead to more posting, or could lead to more drinking. maybe both.

If nothing else, only 6 days until the biggest assault on my liver in quite some time. If i'm nothing else, i'm prepared for this.

Also, if anybody knows what Beav's story is, please share. Haven't heard from him since he said he mailed out a check for his vikings ticket 3 weeks ago. either the mail is really fucking slow, or beav is a space cadet. or both.

ok, enough typing, it's drinky time.

Nice Little Saturday

I woke up this morning to our neighbors screaming obsenities at each other in the street. If it wasn't 6am i probably would've grabbed a cold one and pulled up a lawn chair. Honestly, how can you kick off a weekend better than that? now i'm staring straight in the face of Gopher Hockey at Noon, Gopher Football at 1:30, then the Wild play at 6:00. Probably going to start drinking before too long, which might lead to more posting or might lead to more drinking and a little slice of blacking out. I really could go either way on this one. Either way, i'm not complaining. By the way, the cartoon at the top was stolen straight from GPL, and it pretty much sums up how i feel every Saturday morning around this time when you know who sees me crack a beer and gives me that look.

Gopher Hockey Recap

I thought this was Russel's department, but since he is nowhere to be found, i'll assume he's out burnin through some rubs with an innocent young coed and i'll chime in.

if you missed the game tonight, you suck. this was one of the best college hockey games i've seen in quite some time. up and down the ice all night, good flow, great scoring chances at both ends, and it all led to a 2-2 tie. the one difference i noticed from previous gopher games this year was no ref had sheppard or hunt on the back of his jersey. wherever they got these guys from, they need to keep recruiting there. i don't remember any penalty call making me think "ticky tack" which is a good thing because thats pretty gay.

i just went to take a piss and sneezed twice in the middle of the piss. i had to wipe when i finished. not sure if the sneezing triggered a relaxing of the sphincter or not, but it happened. kind of reminds me of my 21st birthday when i was puke-farting in the backyard at weiner's place. good times.

superbad is on now. looks like i'll be up drinking for another 2 hours. also good times. probably going to regret it in the morning, but you can't win em all.

Golf Tomorrow?

I'm assuming since it's supposed to be in the 40s and raining/snowing back in the C-town area that none of you are going to be golfing tomorrow. That's where we differ. And just to make you feel like you're a part of my fabulous Saturday, i'll give you a rundown of my itinerary.

November 8th, 2008

6:30am - Wakeup Call
7:00am - Memosa and Bloody Mary Breakfast
7:30am - Leave for Golf Course
7:45am - Tee Time at Traditions Golf Course (9 holes)
10:00am - Buffalo Wild Wings for Gophers Football Game
1:30pm - Leave for Golf Course
2:00pm - Tee Time at Desert Vista Golf Course (18 holes)
6:00pm - Leave Golf Course for Jobing.com Arena
7:00pm - Coyotes vs Panthers
10:00pm - Return Home to Watch Gophers Hockey on DVR

I rock, you're all gay. Oh, and the Vikings tickets for December are on sale now. $85 gets you the following:

- Upper level ticket to the game
- Ride to and from the stadium
- All you can eat and drink prior to the game

I need to get the money in ASAP to make sure we get seats, so feel free to send me a check for the $85 at any time. I'll send out an email Sunday with my address on it so you can get a check in the mail.

Gophers vs. Mavs

vs.

I'm not going to do a preview on the Minnesota/MSUM series because I'm lazy and I know nothing about Mankato, other than their goalie is good and the town smells like rotten potatoes. And if you see what looks like a drunken moose dressed in a Gopher jersey in the stands, pour one out for your boy Skippy.

Team Qatar

We just got back from the world cup of beer pong, and i must say it was a complete traveshamockery. Team Qatar (me and kendra) rattled off 4 straight wins in pool play to earn a #1 seed in the medal round. All four pool play games had been played on a regulation 8 foot table, and we had no problem doing away with Mexico, Peru, Iceland, and the Parts Unknown team. Once pool play was over, we were re-seeded and set to play Argentina in the medal round. They were the #2 seed from pool 2, and had posted a meager 2-1-1 record to get there. This would seem like a cake walk for the Qatari's, until the tournament director stepped in and had other ideas. This game was moved to a 12 foot table inside, apparently to satisfy the throngs of spectators able to gather around the table. Also, instead of playing 6 cup pong, the medal round shifted to a 10 cup layout. Fucking gay. Needless to say, we were down quick, with Argentina hitting the first 5 cups before we were on the board. Despite having 5 cups on the table with them a-holes shooting at their last cup for the win, we battled back to get it squared up 1 cup to 1 cup. Then the mother fucker nails a rainbow shot to seal the victory. I could've pissed on him. Ok, i did piss on him. He shouldn't have been standing there. I was asked to leave at that point. We ended up with nothing despite a 4-1 record, which just goes to show you that i'm drunk and i suck at beer pong. The gophers are up 1-0, i'm too lazy to check other scores tonight. we're heading out to another kegger at some point, and i'm drinking morgan right now, so this is goodnight. I am hoping to wake up tomorrow and see a new post recounting skippy's latest conquest of puss, but it's more likely Hammy will be requesting bail money. either of which will make me happy. giggity giggity.

Where's Russel?

I was expecting a full on preview of the Gopher hockey season from Russel today. Way to shit the bed buddy. Anywho, I'm in a beer pong tourney tomorrow so i can't get black out drunk tonight. dissapointing i know. if i can figure out how to turn on the computer tomorrow i'll probably have some great words of wisdom during the gophs game. don't count on it.

Weekend of Disappointment

Well, the Vikings screwed the pooch again. God they suck. Thank God I could only watch the 4th quarter, and I barely watched that because the Twins were on. Speaking of the Twins, they better hope Detroit wins today. There is no way the Twins can beat the Sox 4 games in a row. That kind of domination is unheard of, unless you are talking about Skid and various buffets. On a positive note, there is less than 2 weeks until Gopher hockey starts. Finally I will have a reason to live again.