Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Fun Fact
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Jimmy "B-Rabbit" Smith Jr. from 8-Mile?
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Katie Perry Wants Me
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Reminds Me of Someone...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
You're Doing It Wrong
Thursday, October 22, 2009
C-Town Bowling Bloggers Team takes last place
Going left to right: Jake Fee, Doc, Skippy (the early years), Buchmaier, Melsh, Sam, Fee standing behind him & it looks like a Reese...they all look the same anyways, so I don't know which one it is.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Thanks Melsh
Saturday, October 17, 2009
On The Board
Friday, October 16, 2009
Fuckin Gross
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
#8 Gophers vs #4 North Dakota
I'm aware that in the cities and on campus the Badgers are probably a bigger rival for the Gophs in all sports, but up north it doesn't get any bigger than this one. Unless your name is Skippy, you're either a Sioux fan or a Gopher fan. There's no other options. And we all know Skippy just likes to cheer for the flashing red light after anybody scores a goal, especially Colorado College for some reason. What a fag.
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that if Melsh had scheduled his wedding a week earlier, there would've been an intermission so everybody could gather at the bar and watch the game.
Being that the games this weekend are in Grand Forks, I'm assuming that some of you a-holes are going to make the trip across the border and take in the game(s) first hand. I fully expect a barrage of F-Bombs which lead to moms and their children covering their ears and possibly shedding a few tears.
Also, if anybody takes part in a pre-game drink or 10 at Suite 49, it's a well known fact that paying your tab is unnecessary. Simply drink as much as possible, when you're ready to go order another round and when the waiter walks away, follow him up and head for the parking lot. Once there, you'll need to dip and dive behind cars while crossing the parking lot and head for the Ralph. Really quite simple. You're welcome. Also, Indian children are born alcoholics. See example to the right.
That's about all I got for now, should be a fun week leading up to the games this weekend. I'm counting on Russel to get his shit together and put together some sort of series preview with stats and all that shit, and being that it's only Tuesday there's a good chance it's already on tap. Stay tuned.Nice Work 8
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Twins vs Yankees Game 3
Friday, October 9, 2009
Phil Cuzzi Can Lick My Butthole
Twins vs Yankees
Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?
Any team that features Robbie Ringstad at second and Corky from Life Goes On at third has no shot. If those two gotards are the best options it says a lot. Believe it or not, Morneau's injury has fucked up the outfield more than the infield. With Cuddy moving to first we are left with two of the slowest corner outfielders ever. You might as well have me and Hoover out there holding down the fort. Not only that, with Kubel having to play the field that leaves Brendan Harris to DH. Wait, what? Brendan Harris? Brendan fucking Harris? You've got to be kidding me. You could argue that Jose 'Eddy Munster' Morales might be a better option, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't made contact in 3 weeks. Don't even get me started on the pitching. To sum up, they're horsehit covered in dog vomit.
While I'm on the topic of shitty sports teams, I'd like to throw out a tip to the Wild: It's a lot easier to win games if you don't spot the other team 3 goals.
On another note, 30 years and 9 months ago Tom and Moan got it on. Nine months later, Moan gave birth to a lovely baby moose. Happy birthday, Skipper.
Edit: I was able to track down a picture of how Skipper plans to celebrate his birthday.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Holy Shit Balls
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Well Color Me Fucked
Must Win (Again)
Blackburn vs Greinke. Blackburn on 3 days rest. Not a bad thing for a sinkerballer. And I'm already hammered. Can't remember the last time I saw the Twins wear the throwbacks. Need some baby blue in there.
Quick and tidy first inning for Blackie, it'd be nice to get something, anything against Greinke early. Maybe a liner up the middle off his pitching hand. Let's go with that, just enough to hurt him a little.
God his numbers are good. If he pitched for anybody other than the Royals you can pencil him in for 20 wins. And in the time it took me to type that sentence, there's two outs. Now don't get me wrong, it took me a lot longer to type that than it should've, but fuck. "This is the matchup of the afternoon" says FOX commentator guy as Mauer comes up. Not sure who he is, but Bert is doing the color commentary so we still have the chance of some F-Bombs on the air today. Beer me.
Perfect game gone with a walk to Mauer. They just showed Punto on the bench and I'm pretty sure he just woke up an hour ago and didn't have time to shower/comb his hair before the game. Ok, that was a little gay, but he looks like I do on a Sunday afternoon. Not good. End of 1, 0-0.
Anybody else think Ralph Englestad had something do with with the construction of the Dome?
Nice and quick 2nd for Blackburn, probably hovering around 25 pitches through 2 which is a good sign early.
I have to believe that nobody took me up on my "take Greinke to the Vu" campaign last night, so the Twins are going to have to find a way to hit this fucker. Not to mention he's painting the outside corner at 96 on a consistent basis and dropping off-spead pitches just on the other side of home plate. Blackburn is going to need a gem to give the Twins a chance, I'll say this one will end up 1-0 or 2-1.
Oh yeah, Blackburn looks good with the scruff, but he needs to shave it all off except the stache and really creep out some hitters. Get 'em in their fucking minds.
I wonder how many people went from the Gophers football game straight to the Twins game.
Punto up. Fag. K. Weird.
Honestly, so far this is pretty close to exactly what the Twins wanted with a scoreless game through 3. The only problem is Greinke has only thrown around 40 pitches which is not good by any means.
Blackburn just got two more outs on probably 3 pitches with fat Billy Butler coming up. God I hate him. And he scares me. And he's not really that fat, but really gay. He'd probably like Punto.
12 up, 12 down for Blackie. Twins need to get something going this inning. Cabrera, Mauer, and Kubel coming up. Not quite the same as Hann, Melbye, Hann; but it'll do.
Kubel just struck out on a fastball that was derby worthy. fuck fuck fuck.
Cuddy lookin like a RH Jacques Jones again.
Buttfucker Teahen bunts two homos into scoring position, Blackie gets a HUGE ground ball to get the second out and keep the runners on 2nd and 3rd. Needs one more out here. If they score here, I'll make sure to piss on Teahen's house next time I go over there. If you didn't hear, last time I was over there I peed on his car and stole two of his bats. Classy.
HUGE out there. Bottom 5 and still 0-0. Need to scratch out a run girls.
Delmon leads off with a single, you have got to bunt with Morales here.
Or not. What the shit? Gay. I get it with Tolbert and Punto coming up why you might not bunt, but if that's the case why are either of those fuck bags in the game at all? 0-0 in the 5th, lay that bunt down and pray for a hit out of one of those retards.
Gardy is a homo. Instead of having Morales bunt, he decides to put on a hit and run with Tolbert. Yeah, THAT tolbert. Jesus fucking Christ. Delmon is thrown out by 3 feet and the 5th inning ends still scoreless. And Punto is leading off the 6th. I honestly think Jehovah Jeff could manage a better game than Gardy.
Thinking about that inning more, how in the fuck do you not bunt? A classic pitchers dual going on, a total of 4 hits in the game, you have to play for one run right? Bunt that fucker over and take your chances. Idiot.
Bottom 6, leadoff hitter walks, no different opinion here as Span comes up with dipshit on first. bunt him over, take your chances.
Holy shit. Nice work. Cabrera and Mauer coming up and if one of them gets a hit the Twins have a lead.
Two outs and Mauer up with a runner on 3rd. Earn your MVP fucker.
JOE JOE!
1-0 Twins, bottom 6. All attention turns to Blackburn and shutting down the fucking Royals.
Kubel with a ground rule double, but RH Jacques Jones is up. And he gets hit. Bases loaded with Delmon up. Two nights in a row?
Not quite, but HOLY FUCKING SHIT a double off the baggy! 4-0 Twins. giggity giggity
Enter Mijares, and exit lead. I'm gonna go ahead and call for a conspiracy theory after Mijares was outed for throwing behind Everett Thursday. Last night he came in and gave up 2 runs (neither of them charged to him, but still shitty) and tonight he gives up a big dinger and gives up the lead. Silly fat Mexican.
CUDDYER! Holy shit balls again. 5-4 Twins, Nathan warming (probably) bottom 8. Finish this off and put the pressure on the Tiggers. Which I'll be watching and probably commenting about on here. Also Wild open up tonight. Good times.
And we're heading to the 9th, Twins up a run.
Span makes a beauty of a catch, Nathan ends it. 1/2 game back. Fuck you Tigers.
Why Not
The day is still young with the Twins and Wild on tap. Twins face Greinke in once again the biggest game of the year. Wild have the Jackets for their season opener. Even though I've thrown in the towel on the Twins multiple times this year, it's impossible not to get dragged back in to the possibility of playoff baseball in Minny. If the Twins can pull out a win today, you have to think the Tigers will feel the pressure tonight against the Sox and things could get interesting. Knowing Verlander is available to pitch tomorrow if needed, my mind says anything less than a win today coupled with a Tigers loss ends the season for the Twins. I've said this before and won't make the mistake of giving up on the Twins until somebody's magic number reaches 0, but I'm confident they need a big day on both sides to stay alive. I've also been drinking since the Gophers kickoff and have used the delete key probably 300 times during this post to fix random drunken mistakes. None of this matters, as for the first time this season I get to watch the Twins on FOX on a Saturday afternoon and plan a sweet drunken live blog to mark the occasion. I put in a request to have someone take Greinke to the Vu last night and load him up with shots and strippers, but only time will tell if that actually happened. Game time. The fucking Royals. Fuck.
Friday, October 2, 2009
It Could Have Been Worse
By the way, how has this video not been posted on here before?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Oh Joe
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
2010 WCHA Final 5
Ladies, it is that time again. I just received the ticket renewals for the 2010 WCHA Final 5. The package price this year is $160. I know there have been some discussions about moving to either a different area or possibly even a suite. I have not got pricing for the suite this year, but I believe last year a 30 person suite would'be been around $267 a piece. I know getting 30 people to commit to this would be one major obstacle as well as getting us poor bastards to come up with another $100 for the tickets. What does everybody think?
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Let's Play Two
Friday, September 25, 2009
Friday Night Live Blog
Waiting for the Twins pregame to start, happily watching The Office on TBS, when wouldn't you know it, the Red Sox / Yankees game is on next. Buck Martinez and whoever the hell else they have calling this game clearly have a boner for Jeter, and I managed about 3 minutes of them drooling over him before having to turn the channel. As for the important games going on tonight, we're looking at Carl Pavano throwing for the Twins against Robinson Tejeda and the Royals, and Jake Peavy is on the hill in Chicago facing Eddie Bonine and the Tiggers. First of all, Robinson Tejada doesn't have a first name. Real gay. Span is talking on the pregame show right now about praying to God about getting back into the box tonight, should be interesting. The Sox are a complete wreck right now, but with Peavy on the mound hopefully will find a way to help out the Twins. Games start in about 20 minutes, I'm gonna fire up the grill and keep pounding beers, hopefully putting on a real shit show in the process.
Happy Birthday C-Town Blog
I'm not sure if C-Town itself is having a birthday celebration today, but I certainly plan to. This abortion of a blog started up one year ago today, and to commemorate that event, I'm going to plan a big bash tonight involving a dual live blog during the Twins and the Tigers games. Both games start at roughly 7:00 C-Town time, so this would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I had a dual TV system set up, but I'll figure something out. Anything is possible when you put 30 Natty Lights to your mind. Or something like that. Also if things go according to plan, when the Gopher game starts tomorrow morning at 9am AZ time, I should still be about a .1 and will continue the shit show with a live blog of that as well. You all know me well enough to know that I could get home tonight and drink myself into a haze before either of the games start and not post anything else for a week, but as of now that's the plan. So have a cold one or 30 for C-Town and however fucked up it sounds, root for the White Sox.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Gophers vs Northwestern
Oh yeah and here's the best picture I could find of a dead wildcat. You would think it'd be harder finding a "dead orange" than a dead wildcat, but that just wasn't the case.
One other thing, completely unrelated, but funny. In the class I'm 'teaching' today (using that term extremely loosely, like Moan J. loose) there is two kids whose names are Virtuous and Prisciliano. Weird names for sure, and the kicker is that neither of them is a girl. Thanks mom and dad, that's a normal name for a boy.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
A-Rod Jr.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Gophers vs #8 California
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Vikings vs Lions
Also, I am fully aware that I swore off the Twins for the season, and I still don't think they can sneak into the playoffs regardless of how bad the Tigers are trying to help. However......after a win today, the Twinkies sit 4 games back with a home series against Detroit looming this weekend. The Tigers are playing tonight and tomorrow against KC, which means Friday's matchup will have their division lead at either 3, 4, or 5 games. A Twins sweep would leave them at the worst 2 games back with 13 games to play. Unfortunately 10 of those last 13 would be on the road, where the Twins are 31-40 on the year. If they do somehow get into the playoffs, I'll be the first one to take a day off of work to watch a day game, but I'm certainly not holding my breath. Neither should you, unless your name is Skippy, in which case go for it.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Gophers vs Air Force
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Gophers vs Syracuse
Friday, September 4, 2009
Next....
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Random Thoughts
- Now that Jose Morales is back up with the Twins, there is no reason for Mike Redmond to ever see the field again. I'm pretty sure Morales is Eddie Munster's long lost twin, so he has that going for him, too.
- Brett Favre doesn't look right in purple, but I guess that's something we'll have to live with.
- Why can't Adrian Peterson block anyone? Seriously, just get in their way.
- Nickelback still fucking sucks.
- With or without that flaming Spaniard, the Timberwolves are irrelevant.
- I want to see Alexi Casilla and Skipper face off to see who can spit farther between their teeth.
- Gopher football starts this weekend. Time to get our hopes up during the non-conference schedule only to have them come crashing back to reality when the Big 10 hits.
- The Little League World Series is awesome, but it would have better if all the coaches wore flip-up shades and repeatedly yelled "rock and fire!".
- College hockey starts in about a month. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty excited about laying on the couch and watching nothing but sports from Friday evening until Sunday night.
- And finally, apparently this is what happens when you marry a 40 year old dude, move to Florida, don't work, and have nothing else to do besides life weights and work out.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Vegas Baby!
Details are pretty loose, but I'm guessing a little gambling, a little limo ride some big 'ol boobies--and some that do not belong to Skippy too.
So, if you are interested in going and if you are up north, the Allegiant connection is pretty cheap, and would like to go, let me know. We'll figure out a hotel and go from there. Just email me @ willmelbye@hotmail.com and let me know as soon as you for sure want to be there.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tichenor Strikes Again
Gardy Brings in Defensive Substitution During Pregame
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Does your kid have a drinking problem?
GRAND FORKS, N.D. – Forward Matt Frattin has been kicked off the University of North Dakota men’s hockey team following an arrest for driving under the influence early Wednesday morning.
It is the second run-in this summer for Frattin, who pleaded guilty to a disorderly conduct charge earlier this month.
Frattin, who would have been a junior, was fined, suspended two games, had scholarship money reduced and was ordered to counseling for the first incident.
On early Wednesday morning, he was stopped by a campus police officer on North Columbia Road for speeding, UND police captain Don Rasmuson said. The officer smelled alcohol and a subsequent test put Frattin’s blood-alcohol level at .12 percent, Rasmuson said. The legal limit is .08 percent.
“We’re reacting on two different levels,” UND coach Dave Hakstol said. “We’re doing what we feel is best and right for our program, that’s one level. We’re also trying to act with good care and concern for Matt and what he needs to do from here on in.
“We’d like to put him in position to be able to live a healthy lifestyle and resume his hockey career.”
Frattin, an Edmonton native and draft pick of the Toronto Maple Leafs, was the third-leading goal scorer on the team last season. His 25 points ranked seventh.
Hakstol said it’s too early in the process to determine what’s in Frattin’s future, but he said there’s a possibility that Frattin could return to the Sioux in 2010-11 if circumstances are right.
“I hope that’s the case,” Hakstol said.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Piece of Monkey Shit
The child, an eight-year-old named Danny Corgin, was swimming at a private beach when he was caught in the undertow and dragged away. As he flailed and cried for help, Boras relaxed on the deck of his luxury yacht. The boy’s grandmother pleaded with Boras to help, but the agent steadfastly refused, holding steady to his demand for $35 million dollars.
“My grandson was swimming around when all of a sudden he was caught in a riptide and dragged out to sea,” said Ethel Corgin, the boy’s grandmother. “I didn’t know what to do. There was nobody else around and I certainly couldn’t help him. I saw that man relaxing on his yacht, reading a book like there was nothing going on. When I asked for his help, he just said ‘You want me to save a drowning child? Hmmm…that kind of thing will run you around 35 million.’ I tried to negotiate with him, but he was unwavering. I’ve never seen anyone so stubborn, greedy, and heartless in my life. What is he, a sports agent?”
Corgin said that she was struck by Boras’s casual demeanor, even as her grandson struggled to stay afloat in the vicious riptide.
“He was panicking, the poor thing. He thought he was going to drown, I’m sure,” she said. “There was nothing I could do but pray. I thought for sure that [Boras] would help but he really wanted that money. He said I could give him 10 million up front and sign a written guarantee to deliver the rest within a week. He had the contracts already made up. He just whited out ‘third baseman’ and added ‘drowning child.’”
In the end, a deal was not struck. Fortunately, a fishing boat came by and plucked young Danny out of the water before he could drown. Corgin was relieved, but still outraged over Boras’s refusal to rescue her grandson.
For his part, Boras explained that he was just exercising good business sense and prudent negotiating.
“How much is an eight-year old boy’s life worth?” asked Boras. “Can you really ever say ‘No- that’s too expensive. I’d rather just let the boy drown?’ No, of course not. I was shocked when Mrs. Keelan refused my offer to save the boy. If you’re not willing to shell out a few bucks to save the life of a child, you’ve got to take a long look in the mirror. Nothing’s free in this world. If you want something, you have to pay for it. It’s called ‘capitalism.’ Obviously Mrs. Corgin is some kind of godless commie freak.”
While young Danny was drowning, Boras described his mood as “horrified” and denied Corgin ’s allegations that he was casually reading his book.
“I think she is in denial or something,” said Boras. “It’s crazy to say that I was just causally looking on. I kept thinking how much I would love to save the boy and what a great situation it would be if I could just swing over there in my boat and grab him, but Mrs. Corgin and I just couldn’t see eye to eye on compensation. I even acquiesced a little and told her to just give me 10 million up front, since the boy was dying and all. But she still refused. Talk about stubborn. She ought to be arrested for child neglect.”
Several baseball owners and general managers have had similar experiences with Boras. After learning about the East Hampton incident, a few came forward in support of Mrs. Corgin.
Arizona Diamondbacks GM Joe Gargiola, who haggled with Boras this year over the team’s number one draft pick, called the agent “a piece of shit.”
“That guy is a horrible asshole,” he said. “He wouldn’t save his own damn child for free. If I were that woman, Mrs. Corgin, I’d sue him for everything he has. How can you sit in your yacht and casually read a book while a young child is flailing in the water before you? He’s even worse than those pricks, the Poston brothers. Sure, they’ve had a few people killed, but not children. That’s fucking sick.”
While Boras’s actions have been deemed despicable by some, major league baseball players are flocking to him in record numbers. His aggressive, tough-nosed tactics have made his clients some of the most highly paid in the game.
“He refused to save a drowning child because his grandmother wouldn’t pay him 35 million?” asked Red Sox pitcher Derek Lowe, who is scheduled to be a free agent at the end of the year. “That’s sick. It’s cruel. It’s inhuman. He has absolutely no sense of decency or restraint. Anyone have his number?”
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Tape Delayed Live Drinking Blog
Swimming with the kids(hold the comments fuckers) and 1 & 2 are down and oh what is this? Susan is drinking too, could be an interesting evening folks.
Went to the fair, yes the fair, really fought myself not going up to get tickets for the beer gardens.
3, 4 & 5 went rather quickly...after hitting #4 figured I'd check with Doc and see where he was...slacker was just getting started, but with a reason: Kendra was MIA and wasn't there to fetch him a fresh one...I give that shit another 6 months tops and he'll be camped out upstairs with a mini fridge full of Natty Light, an original nintendo and his cell phone waiting for her to tell him its time for bed.
So the show "The Soup" is one of the funniest fuckin little shows around, making fun of well, pretty much everyone that ends up on TV. It's about as classy as this blog.
So we really enjoy Guy from Diners Drive ins and Dives and there was a chefography of him on tonight and Susan wanted to watch it...6, 7 & 8 were a blurr...
Has any one else sat up and watched Big Brother After Dark? Eerily addictive being infatuated with other peoples' lives....so sad when you don't have to work in the morning and can sit up for three hours after midnight to watch people do their hair and smoke.
So Susan decides that she's hungry at 9pm so we order some Chinese...seriously first time I've had Chinese delivered, that's fuckin awesome. After about 40 minutes, Susan has me call as they have not shown up yet...well apparently they have caller ID at Tops No. 1 and I don't understand what the lady said answering the phone, so I asked her to repeat and she said, "He's on his way, ok?" I shit you not and in the worst China Moon accent ever.
9 & 10 went quite smoothly with General Tso. Swear to God, steamed dumplings are one of the best kept secrets of the Chinese world, awesome goodness.
11 & 12 went quite nicely with The Soup and a slightly raunchy PG-13 version of a talk show, Chelsea Lately. Not sure if this is Melsh's Chelsea, but ya know, it's funny shit.
So it erased part of my shit so fuck you.
Some fat, I mean huge like Billy Tyrell looks skinny, comic just ended his set on Showtime with, "Once they go Greek, they don't sit for a week,"...seriously, Billy Bob had a better line in Bad Santa, "You ain't gonna shit right for a week,". That's fuckin hilarious. Speaking of Bad Santa, there is a kid on our team that looks like a teenage Thurman Murman. Shit you not. At least every other day, one of the biggest black dudes I know says, "Jessuz kid, what is it with you and sandwiches?"
Yeah, so talk about me being the out of place football coach. The two new guys were high school studs, one went on to be a multi-record setting quarterback in college and the other was on the St. Louis Rams practice squad last year and will seriously, fuck anything with a split tail. I got recruited to UMC and then asked to walk on at Mayville, yeah I fit in so well. Does anyone else realize that its been 12-13 years since high school? Wow, I'm fuckin old.
Of course its after midnight now and we are watching Big Brother After Dark. We have no fuckin life.
Is Gardy Dead?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Casilla's Costly Mistake
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Broken Record
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Well if no one else wants to take a stab...
So when did Tony Dungy fall from being a Super Bowl winning coach to being part of Mike Vick's "inner circle"? Wow talk about a fall from grace in the media...if that guy falls that far by tieing himself to Vick imagine what is going to happen to the team...unless its the Vikes. God Fuckin help us.
Anyone else looking forward to the Hangover coming out on DVD/Blue-Ray or HBO?
Happy Anniversary Weens...7 years ago you had your heart attack a couple weeks after the PGA Championship at Hazeltine. Good times.
There is nothing like drinking by yourself at 2:21 a.m. Wow am I cool.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Guess Who?
Friday, August 7, 2009
Carl Fucking Pavano
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Harris Injury Update
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Twins Bullpen = Stinky Fucking Garbage
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Skippy...put your clothes back on
http://laist.com/2009/04/23/video_of_the_day_naked_man_at_coach.php
Monday, August 3, 2009
Tiger Farts
Take a look as Tiger drops some ass at this past weekends tourney. It is even better when you hear the clip of the announcers talking about him waiting to shoot and he drops ass and giggles.