.JPG)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Streaming Live!
I'm kind of kicking myself for not forking over the extra $20 for a better webcam, but I also never thought it could be used for something as sweet as this. Anyways, here it is, you're looking at what I'm looking at...Live! Well, it might be live. That all depends on whether or not I'm on the computer and have the cam hooked up. I feel like a porn star with a live webcam. How long until Skippy asks me to take off my shirt and lick on my man nipples? I can't wait. This should make the live blog of the Twins game tomorrow a little more interesting, as you queers can technically watch the game live right here. I realize the quality is pretty shitty right now, but I'll try it out on the other TV and try different settings on this one and see if i can get something that is worth your time. I won't lie though, I lose motivation quite easily and I hate every one of you, so don't bank on anything. I'll leave this shit rolling throughout the Wild game tonight, and probably through the end of the Coyotes game, so if anyone is on here while I am let me know.
It's Twinkie Time
Well, it's finally here. Spring training. Twins on TV. The only thing missing will be Dick and Bert, but they'll be back soon enough. For those of you who aren't blessed with the Extra Innings package from DirecTV, I'm not so sure when your season will kick off, but I'll be sitting on my fat ass tomorrow night watching the Twins and the Red Sox in the first game of spring training. The only bad part is the game is on NESN, which means I'll be forced to listen to some east coast fuck with a horrible Boston accent drooling over dustin pedroyer all night. I'm not bitter though. The Gophers are in the middle of a really embarrasing stretch, and unless something drastic changes (kangas quits putting vodka in his water bottle or patterson performs a miracle) they're going to be done in a couple weeks anyways. So now it's Twins time. I'll be doing my version of the season preview at some point tomorrow. What that means is a half-assed ill-informed prediction of how many times nick punto slides into first and how many times jesse crain will snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. God i hate them both. Also, I'm fully prepared to do a live blog during the game tomorrow for those of you who won't be able to watch. Should be a good time. I haven't been drunk on a weeknight in quite some time, but i can't think of a better reason to break that streak. So be here tomorrow, 6pm C-Town time, I know I will. And as a preview of my preview, here's how the opening day lineup looks if I'm in charge of the team. I'm not saying or thinking Gardy will run this out there, but regardless...1. Denard Span CF
2. Alexi Casilla 2B
3. Joe Mauer C
4. Justin Morneau 1B
5. Delmon Young LF
6. Jason Kubel DH
7. Joe Crede 3B
8. Michael Cuddyer RF
9. Brendan Harris SS
Where have all the bloggers gone?
Is something the matter? Did something drastically change since - oh, I don't know - January 9th, year of our Lord 2009? I don't get it. The posts from most of the C-town bloggers seem to be much more dreary. It's like the tale of two different two-month stretches.
I'm completely lost. If anybody knows what could have possibly changed everybody's level of enthusiasm on Janurary 9, 2009, please let me know.
My energy is up. I seem to be blogging at another level; destined for a successful post-season blogging run. A lot of you, on the other hand, seem beaten up. Embattled. Some would say you guys aren't even going to make it into the big conference blogging tournament, let alone the national rounds of post-season blogging. Still others are saying that you will finish the year ranked behind the bloggers of University of Alaska Anchorage. I'm not even sure they have computers up there!
In summary, I would really like to encourage those who are dragging to pick up the blogging a bit. It's a big deal, this conference blogging tournament, and it's not gonna be the same if you don't blog your way there. So pull your collective heads out of your asses, and start blogging already.
Notcho
I'm completely lost. If anybody knows what could have possibly changed everybody's level of enthusiasm on Janurary 9, 2009, please let me know.
My energy is up. I seem to be blogging at another level; destined for a successful post-season blogging run. A lot of you, on the other hand, seem beaten up. Embattled. Some would say you guys aren't even going to make it into the big conference blogging tournament, let alone the national rounds of post-season blogging. Still others are saying that you will finish the year ranked behind the bloggers of University of Alaska Anchorage. I'm not even sure they have computers up there!
In summary, I would really like to encourage those who are dragging to pick up the blogging a bit. It's a big deal, this conference blogging tournament, and it's not gonna be the same if you don't blog your way there. So pull your collective heads out of your asses, and start blogging already.
Notcho
Friday, February 20, 2009
Chris Lagasse A.K.A Wade the Blade Demarais
AHHHHH BOOOOOGAURD Fans!
Crookston man gets heckled at Wild game According to reports out of the Xcel Energy Center, fan Chris Lagasse(Crookston, Minn.) received a healthy dose of verbal harassment from a sizablegroup of die-hard Wild fans at a recent game at the St. Paul arena. Reportedly,Lagasse had to ask for security assistance from ushers in the second period ofthe Valentine’s Day game vs. Ottawa when a group of fans heckled the24-year-old graphic designer for tucking in his replica Derek Boogaard jersey. “My wife and I were enjoying the game when out of nowhere this group offans in our section started yelling at me to untuck my jersey,” Lagasse said.“They were merciless. They had half the upper deck chanting, ‘Untuck yourjersey,’ followed by the familiar ‘clap, clap, clap-clap-clap.’”
Crookston man gets heckled at Wild game According to reports out of the Xcel Energy Center, fan Chris Lagasse(Crookston, Minn.) received a healthy dose of verbal harassment from a sizablegroup of die-hard Wild fans at a recent game at the St. Paul arena. Reportedly,Lagasse had to ask for security assistance from ushers in the second period ofthe Valentine’s Day game vs. Ottawa when a group of fans heckled the24-year-old graphic designer for tucking in his replica Derek Boogaard jersey. “My wife and I were enjoying the game when out of nowhere this group offans in our section started yelling at me to untuck my jersey,” Lagasse said.“They were merciless. They had half the upper deck chanting, ‘Untuck yourjersey,’ followed by the familiar ‘clap, clap, clap-clap-clap.’”
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Screech Sighting in Fargo
I heard a rumor that the one and only Screecher is going to be ripping up Courtney's in Fargo this weekend. Hopefully one of you queers is going tonight and taking advantage of half price night and $5 pitchers. I wonder if that MC that opens it up still uses the same shitty joke about turning off your pager before he introduces the comedians. What the fuck was his name? I can't remember, but he was gay.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Friday NIght in Kato
I am not saying that I totally agree with Don and his commnents....as I have been known to drink beer and yell at sporting events myself. However, I was in attendance last week at Mankato and it was a nightmare...it was like listening to doc, as he coahced skippy in a Saturday morning session with the BIG E to the P treee. I sat behind and to the right of the Minnesota bench...surrounded by retards. I will be the first to say that the Gophers sucked, their D sucked, Kangas sucked, their whole team sucked. It put me in about as much pain to watch them as Bucky H. was in the first time he contracted the clap from a young Jacob Reese in the shower.
What I think Lucia was referring too, was the inbread Mankato people sitting behind the bench dropping louder F bombs (than any of us ever have at the Final 5), yelling at everyone around them, throwing things at the bench, yelling at the players, and to top it all off, throwing numerous beer bottles on the ice. These people were insane, fucking idiots. I can tell you that captain jackass who works the aisles during the Final 5 would have had these guys booted in about 8 minutes. There were three guys in front of me who looked like it was their first time drinking, from my count, they dropped 5 to 6, 16 oz. bottles all while hugging like faggots and stinking of dirty mankato women's panty froth throughout the game. No lie, these guys stunk....get in the shower buddy. What topped the night off was the three dads from Mankato (i am guessing in their 40's) who got up and repeatedly would bang on the side of the U's bench and yell obscenities at the players...in front of 5-6 yr old kids. I have posted a picture of those two clowns.
What I think Lucia was referring too, was the inbread Mankato people sitting behind the bench dropping louder F bombs (than any of us ever have at the Final 5), yelling at everyone around them, throwing things at the bench, yelling at the players, and to top it all off, throwing numerous beer bottles on the ice. These people were insane, fucking idiots. I can tell you that captain jackass who works the aisles during the Final 5 would have had these guys booted in about 8 minutes. There were three guys in front of me who looked like it was their first time drinking, from my count, they dropped 5 to 6, 16 oz. bottles all while hugging like faggots and stinking of dirty mankato women's panty froth throughout the game. No lie, these guys stunk....get in the shower buddy. What topped the night off was the three dads from Mankato (i am guessing in their 40's) who got up and repeatedly would bang on the side of the U's bench and yell obscenities at the players...in front of 5-6 yr old kids. I have posted a picture of those two clowns.
Lucia's Death Wish
I didn't care for Lucia before, but now I wouldn't mind seeing him dead. Hopefully his illness results in sudden death.
From the Star Tribune:
“And I think, to be honest, and I spoke [Monday] about it [to WCHA officials]. I’m probably being more candid, maybe it is the steroids I took this morning than normal. I think as a league – my own personal opinion is, I am not sure if alcohol is served at some of the venues is a real positive in our league. (Lucia is taking weekly IV steriod treatments for a nerve problem which causes numbness on the left side of his face.)
“I am a purist,” Lucia said. “I don’ have an issue if it is served in club rooms or in suites or in a beer garden. But I have an issue and, I think it lends to problems, when you got guys sitting with beer after beer sitting right behind the visitors’ bench. Nothing good can happen.
“And we have venues that you can literally sit and have cocktails all game long whether it’s hard booze, wine or beer. I think that is where some of the ugliness gets. As a league, I think we have to take a look at that.”
From the Star Tribune:
“And I think, to be honest, and I spoke [Monday] about it [to WCHA officials]. I’m probably being more candid, maybe it is the steroids I took this morning than normal. I think as a league – my own personal opinion is, I am not sure if alcohol is served at some of the venues is a real positive in our league. (Lucia is taking weekly IV steriod treatments for a nerve problem which causes numbness on the left side of his face.)
“I am a purist,” Lucia said. “I don’ have an issue if it is served in club rooms or in suites or in a beer garden. But I have an issue and, I think it lends to problems, when you got guys sitting with beer after beer sitting right behind the visitors’ bench. Nothing good can happen.
“And we have venues that you can literally sit and have cocktails all game long whether it’s hard booze, wine or beer. I think that is where some of the ugliness gets. As a league, I think we have to take a look at that.”
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
You think that's funny, Matt Lauer?
Check it out.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/28992211#28992211
If you just want the pertinent facts, go to about 2:13 in, watch the guys whole statement to the private investigator, and make sure you get his name at the end. Then, you can fast forward to about 4:20 and check out the two douchebags.
Everybody on set seems to think it's funny, but I don't really get it.
Notcho... and proud.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/28992211#28992211
If you just want the pertinent facts, go to about 2:13 in, watch the guys whole statement to the private investigator, and make sure you get his name at the end. Then, you can fast forward to about 4:20 and check out the two douchebags.
Everybody on set seems to think it's funny, but I don't really get it.
Notcho... and proud.
Sorry Doc
Unfortunately for the young physician, here we have proof that his long lost love, nicky lauf, is no longer available. and what a loss for a doc. by definition, a rare beauty like that does come around very often. you just don't see sideburns like that on a manatee very often. i'd say i hope doc can move on, but we all know he is going to drink a bottle of morgan or one of his bastard cousins and forget all about it. Stay strong, Doc!Saturday, January 31, 2009
I've Got a Dick On My Face Don't I....
After the Gophers got beat again tonight I needed some good news. It came in the form of Reese blacked out with marker on his face. Thank you Hammy. If the details aren't posted on here by tomorrow, I'll explain as much as I can. Hopefully Hammy will fill in the blanks. Also, today I saw an asian man run over a mexican on a bike and some dude puke on himself at the FBR. Fuckin sweet.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Congratulations are in order!
We must congratulate Dale Stainbrook for making it to the WCHA. He finally made it and is blowing calls in the Gopher/Mankato game. I'm pretty sure Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder watched the replay of Carman's shot and saw it went in. Fuck this game.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I Want Your Vote!
This was sent in by Shaumberg, apparently he isn't happy that he hasn't received a single vote yet. Jesus, settle down tardo. Anyways...
VOTE FOR THE SHAUMMY!!!!!!!! OR I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!
What a psycho.
VOTE FOR THE SHAUMMY!!!!!!!! OR I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!
What a psycho.
Something to think about...
Rat shit, bat shit, dirty rotten twat. Sixty-nine assholes tied in a knot. Hurray, lizard shit, fuck.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Don't Get in Skid's Way
Here we see a young man who crossed our own Eduardo Morlan. What could this kid have done to deserve being stabbed in the face with fork? The answer is simple: he budged in front of what he thought was a moose at a fargo area happy joe's. This kid put on his favorite twins shirt, gathered up all his change for the game room, and headed out to the happiest place on earth. little did he know that taking the last piece of pepperoni would set off such complete rage and land him in the ER for 7 hours.
Hextall 4 Hobey
First time poster, long time reader.
Hextall doesn't put up the most points, but he single handily beats teams. He took the Golden Chokers out of their game. He took the Denver Pioneers out of their game. TJ Oshie, Jonathan Toews, Zach Parise could only beat 1-3 guys on the ice. Hextall beats 20+. There has been no better evidence than the past 2 weekends and both teams have credited Hextall for getting under their skin and throwing them off their game.
Here is Hextall drawing 3 penalties (1 - 10 minute misconduct) in a time span of around :30 seconds.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNg_PKIzINc
Here is more of Hextall's work (from the Herald - "It appeared that a Brett Hextall check near the Denver bench set off Gwozdecky, although he wouldn’t confirm it. The coach jumped on top of the dasher boards and flailed his arms at Anderson, asking the ref to throw Hextall out of the game"):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwOAbc18NZs
And for somebody who writes about Boogard on a daily basis, even you have to appreciate this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMiPVpSPj4s
He will never get considered for the Hobey because, obviously, this goes against what the Hobey stands for but I do think he is the MVP of the Sioux, and probably the WCHA. I don't give a flying fuck about class. Class doesn't win championships. Hextall does.
Here is Hextall drawing 3 penalties (1 - 10 minute misconduct) in a time span of around :30 seconds.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNg_PKIzINc
Here is more of Hextall's work (from the Herald - "It appeared that a Brett Hextall check near the Denver bench set off Gwozdecky, although he wouldn’t confirm it. The coach jumped on top of the dasher boards and flailed his arms at Anderson, asking the ref to throw Hextall out of the game"):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwOAbc18NZs
And for somebody who writes about Boogard on a daily basis, even you have to appreciate this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMiPVpSPj4s
He will never get considered for the Hobey because, obviously, this goes against what the Hobey stands for but I do think he is the MVP of the Sioux, and probably the WCHA. I don't give a flying fuck about class. Class doesn't win championships. Hextall does.
Another great waste of time
Go here and say goodbye to any type of productivity for the next couple of hours. I find it a lot more entertaining than the girls basketball game that Notch-O is oddly obsessed with.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Oh Canada!
So I'm stuck watching the Wild on a Canadian feed again tonight. Thanks FSN. Boogaard is basically chasing May around the rink every time he's out there, well both times he's been out there. During one of these chases, the Maple Leaf anouncers had some dyn-o-mite banter going back and forth. To sum it up, the play by play fag was talking about how Boogaard doesn't get into too many fights anymore because everyone in the league knows he's trying to hurt people when he fights. huh? The color guy jumps in and says something to the effect of "no shit sherlock". The first fag must've realized he sounded like skippy explaining the left-wing lock because at that point he circled the wagon and tried to justify his comment. not a good idea. it went something like this: well, you know most players when they fight are trying to set the tone, not necessarily hurt the other player. Boogaard is just too big for that, if you get in a fight with him, there's a good chance you'll get hurt. The 2nd guy must've wanted to slap that homo, instead he threw down a comment asking if he thought they should shadow box or something like that and the queer had no response, just dropped the topic. awesome. this is the shit you expect to hear when listening to people in phoenix talk about hockey, not so much torontonites. i'll assume thats what they're called. if not, they should be.
enough about that, did anyone else get any text messages from the feever this weekend? i have one on my phone with the quote "hextall for hobey". not even kidding. i would love to see a post on here with some reasoning behind that. the floor is yours feever.
and to quote russel and explain the picture above, when referring to blake "he'll always look like the result of a botched abortion." couldn't agree more. In keeping with the retard theme, there's a new poll on the right for coolest retard in C-Town history. There's been some good ones, but I think if you were putting together an all-star team these would be at the top of the list.
Quick update on the made-for-TV-saga coming soon to Lifetime Network HD starring Doc...
http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=904726
Apparently, cheering wildly in the fourth quarter wasn't enough. Coach refuses to apologize for blowing out retards, gets fired. The saga continues.
Apparently, cheering wildly in the fourth quarter wasn't enough. Coach refuses to apologize for blowing out retards, gets fired. The saga continues.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Ovechkin is an asshole...
but i'd still have his children if it was possible. how sad is it that this asshole putting on sunglasses and a hat was the highlight of the skills competition. that used to be the only good thing about all star weekend. now the whole thing is garbage. i'd rather watch skid take it in the ass from crazy EP. Which leads me to wonder what the big moose is up to today. I can only imagine he's fingering his own butt hole while choking himself and listening to Taylor Swift. You're welcome for that nightmare.Friday, January 23, 2009
Doc, if ever there was a real life event for you to turn into a made-for-TV-movie, starring you (as the assistant coach, in this case), this is it...
http://highschool.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=903780
Check it out. It's a feel-good story about assistant coaches that cheer wildly as their girls basketball team racks up points in a 100-0 defeat of retarded kids.
Check it out. It's a feel-good story about assistant coaches that cheer wildly as their girls basketball team racks up points in a 100-0 defeat of retarded kids.
Superjail!
If you like ATHF and haven't seen any episodes of this show yet, I highly advise you check it out. You know the feeling you get after an episode of ATHF where you kind of sit there and think, "what the fuck just happened?" well take that and multiply it by 10. I think I counted 50 people getting their heads ripped off in the 10 minute episode I watched. Aweseomeness.
*EDIT* It's on Adult Swim (Cartoon Network) right around the same time as ATHF. Also, if you go to this website and click "watch a clip" you'll pretty much know if you're going to like it or not.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Blast from the YouTube Past
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?cl=11631012
Check out this video, and go to about 1:46 into it. I'm pretty sure that's Lil' Sis from the "Whistle Tips" YouTube video, starring Bub Rubb and Lil' Sis, first of all. Secondly, check out what she calls the new leader of the free world.
You can tell how important this is to her. I'm changing my name to 'Casohnson' right now.
Notch
Check out this video, and go to about 1:46 into it. I'm pretty sure that's Lil' Sis from the "Whistle Tips" YouTube video, starring Bub Rubb and Lil' Sis, first of all. Secondly, check out what she calls the new leader of the free world.
You can tell how important this is to her. I'm changing my name to 'Casohnson' right now.
Notch
Boogeyman!
Of course the first time i mention boogaard not fighting he gets into a tussel. I'll give him the win over Lurch from the Adams Family who i didn't even know played for the Kings. what a queer. Seriously, if i ever saw boogey stare at me like he did that fuck bag at the beginning of the fight, i'd poop and pee myself simultaneously.
Quick Question
Why the fuck are the Wild wearing white at home tonight? Anybody?
Another couple of questions pertaining to the Wild. And i have to watch it on the Kings feed which is stupid. I wonder how Zidlicky's name is listed in the media guide. I swear every announcer this season other than Terhaar and Greenlay pronounce it Zid-lit-ski or some variance of that. Really annoying. Also, these clowns keep saying Bo-guard. Which is also interesting that he's had about 3 shifts already in the first 15 minutes of the game. And i haven't seen him fight yet this year. I guess when you put on a youth fighting clinic in the offseason you get a reputation around the league. Sort of how Skippy has a reputation that makes cooks shiver when he walks into a buffet. I'm sure that comment will lead to a Hammy story of a young lady shivering in downtown Minneapolis, but I say bring it on.
*UPDATE* I checked around a little bit and solved the Zidlicky query.
Marek Židlický (pronounced [ˈmarɛk ˈʒɪdlɪtskiː]
So there you have it. Not sure how you could confuse that. Fucking foreigners. Did i catch a niner in there?
One more observation, and not to nitpick, but these guys are fucking brutal. Now they're talking about Gaborik's ball region being broken, and they keep saying Gob-o-rick. Homos.
Another couple of questions pertaining to the Wild. And i have to watch it on the Kings feed which is stupid. I wonder how Zidlicky's name is listed in the media guide. I swear every announcer this season other than Terhaar and Greenlay pronounce it Zid-lit-ski or some variance of that. Really annoying. Also, these clowns keep saying Bo-guard. Which is also interesting that he's had about 3 shifts already in the first 15 minutes of the game. And i haven't seen him fight yet this year. I guess when you put on a youth fighting clinic in the offseason you get a reputation around the league. Sort of how Skippy has a reputation that makes cooks shiver when he walks into a buffet. I'm sure that comment will lead to a Hammy story of a young lady shivering in downtown Minneapolis, but I say bring it on.
*UPDATE* I checked around a little bit and solved the Zidlicky query.
Marek Židlický (pronounced [ˈmarɛk ˈʒɪdlɪtskiː]
So there you have it. Not sure how you could confuse that. Fucking foreigners. Did i catch a niner in there?
One more observation, and not to nitpick, but these guys are fucking brutal. Now they're talking about Gaborik's ball region being broken, and they keep saying Gob-o-rick. Homos.
Gay
Since this coming weekend is going to suck, I'll post a picture at the bottom of this post of a chick in a sports bra. That should cheer everyone up. But until then...
Reasons why this weekend is going to be fucking gay:
1. Gophers hockey have an off week. Again. Two weeks after taking a 3 week break. Gay.
2. No NFL games this week. For the first time in about 6 months there will be no football on at all this weekend. Gay.
3. NHL All-Star shit. Not saying the skills competition isn't sweet, but this also means the Wild are off for a week after tonight's game against LA. Which also sucks because the Kings are fucking boring and the Wild are fucking boring so this game will probably be a really fucking boring game.
4. NBA is, wait. Disregard that thought. Basketball is only legal to watch during March when it's college tournament time. And then only when there is 10 games going on at once and they keep switching back and forth. And you're drunk.
So basically this week is pretty depressing already. Nothing to look forward to and really no reason to get drunk. Not that you need a reason. Ever. But still.
I'm going to go ahead and look towards the following weekend which includes the return of Gopher Hockey, the FBR Open, the Superbowl, and probably other cool shit. Much better. Oh, and i definately tried to hump that crazy bitch back in the day. And i'm almost positive i pissed her bed that night. Pure class. Over and out. Enjoy the pic.
What a Beauty! Get a couple of safety pins and put on a hockey jersey, works for me.
Reasons why this weekend is going to be fucking gay:
1. Gophers hockey have an off week. Again. Two weeks after taking a 3 week break. Gay.
2. No NFL games this week. For the first time in about 6 months there will be no football on at all this weekend. Gay.
3. NHL All-Star shit. Not saying the skills competition isn't sweet, but this also means the Wild are off for a week after tonight's game against LA. Which also sucks because the Kings are fucking boring and the Wild are fucking boring so this game will probably be a really fucking boring game.
4. NBA is, wait. Disregard that thought. Basketball is only legal to watch during March when it's college tournament time. And then only when there is 10 games going on at once and they keep switching back and forth. And you're drunk.
So basically this week is pretty depressing already. Nothing to look forward to and really no reason to get drunk. Not that you need a reason. Ever. But still.
I'm going to go ahead and look towards the following weekend which includes the return of Gopher Hockey, the FBR Open, the Superbowl, and probably other cool shit. Much better. Oh, and i definately tried to hump that crazy bitch back in the day. And i'm almost positive i pissed her bed that night. Pure class. Over and out. Enjoy the pic.
What a Beauty! Get a couple of safety pins and put on a hockey jersey, works for me.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I would have posted this sooner...
but skipper failed to mention the name of the she-beast he went out with.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Forgotten Hook-Up
So Skipper may be the latest retard to have an encounter with E to the P Palmtree but, if my memory serves me right, he was not the first. I don't remember all the details, but I think Hambone could add to this. There was a time when we were living in Moorhead when the Doctor himself hooked up with the P-Tree. Now I know this may surprise some of you that Doc would have a questionable hook up (see Nicki Lauf rumors). The story goes that the Doc and P-Tree were at one of the many bars frequented in Fargo-Moorhead and that after a long day of school girl flirting and, I can only imagine, a shit load of drinking, EP was able to lure the Doc into a restroom. The rest of the story cannot be confirmed by me but I heard that she pulled out her portable workbench and worked the Doctor over like Skid at a chinese buffet. The Doc then tells the rest of us the next day that this bitch is crazy and might have to end her life if she doesn't stop calling. If I were Skipper I would have used one of my "kill some time between feedings" phone calls to Doc to ask about how absolutely psycho EP is...hindsight is 20-20 my friends. Lesson learned Skipper, now get a new number, a new pallet of rubs, and get back to crushin' puss.
Hockey Day Minnesota
As mentioned before, I'll be spending today drinking beer, watching hockey, and possibly getting some sun on the back porch. Nice little Saturday. Here's the schedule for the day -
9:00 am
Coverage Begins
10:00 am
Rochester John Marshall HS vs St. Paul Johnson HS
Outdoor Game
Phalen Park, St. Paul
1:00 pm
White Bear Lake HS vs Duluth East HS
Xcel Energy Center
5:00 pm
University of Minnesota vs St. Cloud State University
National Hockey Center, St. Cloud
8:00 pm
Minnesota Wild vs Anaheim Ducks
Xcel Energy Center
I was going to include my personal agenda for the day, but after the first two entries just said "start drinking" and "continue drinking" i noticed a trend and figured it would just waste my time to keep putting that every 10 minutes. Smart money says that i'll switch to Morgan Cokes before noon, be black out drunk before the gophs game starts, and probably passed out before the wild game, but you never know what can happen if i put my mind to it.
9:00 am
Coverage Begins
10:00 am
Rochester John Marshall HS vs St. Paul Johnson HS
Outdoor Game
Phalen Park, St. Paul
1:00 pm
White Bear Lake HS vs Duluth East HS
Xcel Energy Center
5:00 pm
University of Minnesota vs St. Cloud State University
National Hockey Center, St. Cloud
8:00 pm
Minnesota Wild vs Anaheim Ducks
Xcel Energy Center
I was going to include my personal agenda for the day, but after the first two entries just said "start drinking" and "continue drinking" i noticed a trend and figured it would just waste my time to keep putting that every 10 minutes. Smart money says that i'll switch to Morgan Cokes before noon, be black out drunk before the gophs game starts, and probably passed out before the wild game, but you never know what can happen if i put my mind to it.
Friday, January 16, 2009
I Fucked up
I left out the part in my story about when i was dropping her off at her place and I was saying my goodbye's she asks if I wanted to come in her house and have a beer, I did not ablige her and I said I wanted to get home to watch the rest of the natioanl championship game which I already sacraficed in the first place so she gets out of my car (my shocks appreciated it) so what do I do? Oh yeah I called Beav and told him to meet me at Labby's for a couple bumps.
PS: I'm going to be single for life.
PS: I'm going to be single for life.
"Maybe it's becuase I hate you Doc"
First of all I hate you all.
I've been finding other things to do with my time other then talking/using my cellular phone. Guy Things like shitting with the door open and talking about pussy.
So Skip decides to go on a date.....
What Notch is referring to as my girl E P Palmtree, he is talking about a girl named Erin "bat shit crazy" Palm, and yes if your wondering if it is any relation to Ryan Palmarino Palmy you are correct. You guys remember Palmy the one that completely destroyed our hopes and dreams of any post season chances by hiking the ball 97 feet over the punters head to lose the game by 1 in the 97/98 playoffs back in high school against Perham. You had literally one job to do all year Palmy and that was it. Yeah it was high school but People don't forget Palmy, people don't forget. Anyway, lets get back to my girl Easy E Palmatron. First of all don't ever go on a date with a chick that A. Gulia tries hooking you up with and B. the only photo you see is a snap shot of her face. note to all you readers get a full body pic before agreeing to a date. Gulia tells me she's pretty and she's a cool chick she just forgot to mention delusional, scitzophrenic, multiple personalities, ya know things that don't matter I guess. So I take her out to eat throw down $40 bucks gave her every possible sign that I wasn't interested and drop her off at home she asks me to come in for a beer i say I was going to so what does Ms. Psycho nut job, man eater do. Texts me non stop for 2 days a constant flow of texting diarhea as I like to call it about movie quotes and crazy shit that people say who are in straight jackets at Prairie St. Johns nut house. My cell phone bill this last month was $94 becuase of that Diarhea fingers. But, thankfully the madness was put to an end on Sunday night. I like to give Notch a big fucking thank you for instigating Ms. Happy Fingers and wish him a slow painful death. Oh and i'm organizing a mass suicide are you guys in? Yes i will drink the koolaid first.
I've been finding other things to do with my time other then talking/using my cellular phone. Guy Things like shitting with the door open and talking about pussy.
So Skip decides to go on a date.....
What Notch is referring to as my girl E P Palmtree, he is talking about a girl named Erin "bat shit crazy" Palm, and yes if your wondering if it is any relation to Ryan Palmarino Palmy you are correct. You guys remember Palmy the one that completely destroyed our hopes and dreams of any post season chances by hiking the ball 97 feet over the punters head to lose the game by 1 in the 97/98 playoffs back in high school against Perham. You had literally one job to do all year Palmy and that was it. Yeah it was high school but People don't forget Palmy, people don't forget. Anyway, lets get back to my girl Easy E Palmatron. First of all don't ever go on a date with a chick that A. Gulia tries hooking you up with and B. the only photo you see is a snap shot of her face. note to all you readers get a full body pic before agreeing to a date. Gulia tells me she's pretty and she's a cool chick she just forgot to mention delusional, scitzophrenic, multiple personalities, ya know things that don't matter I guess. So I take her out to eat throw down $40 bucks gave her every possible sign that I wasn't interested and drop her off at home she asks me to come in for a beer i say I was going to so what does Ms. Psycho nut job, man eater do. Texts me non stop for 2 days a constant flow of texting diarhea as I like to call it about movie quotes and crazy shit that people say who are in straight jackets at Prairie St. Johns nut house. My cell phone bill this last month was $94 becuase of that Diarhea fingers. But, thankfully the madness was put to an end on Sunday night. I like to give Notch a big fucking thank you for instigating Ms. Happy Fingers and wish him a slow painful death. Oh and i'm organizing a mass suicide are you guys in? Yes i will drink the koolaid first.
Update on Skid's Phone
I have rock solid evidence that confirms that skipper's phone is still functioning and in his possession. It is impossible for him to send any outgoing messages or phone calls however, due to the barrage of text messages he is receiving night and day from his girl, E to the P, Palmtree. She is constantly sending him jibberish and/or quotes from the movie Step Brothers, or some type of combination of both. She is going for some type of world record. And this time it doesn't involve besting (redacted).
Notch
Notch
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Return of Random Thoughts...
*UPDATE* Just heard about the fire at the Hunt's place this morning. That sucks balls. Glad everyone got out alright. If i was looking for a cause, I'd check for any empty Miller Lite bottles outside near the hot tub, possibly half full of chew spit. Then i'd look around for Marlboro Light butts. If either of those are present, i'm going to assume that a situation similar to the hot tub situation on "Out Cold" was happening last night and somehow got out of control. Way to go Feever. Those jets sure are warm on a cold night though. Ok, back to your regularly scheduled worthlessness...
Well it's been quite some time since anybody has done anything on here. Looking at who usually puts shit on here and the level of laziness each of us possesses, it's no wonder. After the Wild took a nose dive in the standings and the Gophs got whipped last weekend, there was really no reason for anything on here as far as I'm concerned.
With the help of many many Morgan Cokes, i was able to completely erase last weekend from my brain. As far as i'm concerned, the Gophs had the weekend off and have been focusing on St. Cloud this weekend.
It's also Hockey Day Minnesota this Saturday, which means i'll be drinking beer all day and occasionally venturing out to the backyard to warm up. It's supposed to be in the mid 70's here this weekend, and right now it's 84 degrees warmer here than it is in c-town (62 here and -22 c-town). God that's gotta suck.
Feever just emailed some garbage about some fucker on the sioux who is apparently a pest or some shit. That would've probably been something to email around Gopher/Sioux weekend, but since they don't play this year i guess he just couldn't resist. what a retard.
also, i read in the feever that Wids had another fucking kid and named it cuntswayla or some shit. i'm probably going to text him congratulations and remind him that he's not mexican.
not sure about you a-holes, but we get monday off for dead black guy day. black people rock. well once a year anyways. i'll spend the day recovering from a hangover i'm sure. wouldn't have it any other way.
ok thats enough for now, i should pretend to care what these people are doing in class. gay.
one more thing, has anyone found skippy's cell phone? i'm assuming he lost it because i haven't gotten a single call from him lately, and usually it's atleast one a week and goes something like this...
"fattttty, what's up?"
"not a damn thing, watching tv."
"oh yeah, i'm just working at the liq, bored as hell. did you watch the gophs last weekend? hang on there's a customer here................(in background) oh yeah, did you watch the gophs last weekend?........." that's usually when i hang up and ignore all subsequent calls.
so if anyone has seen his phone, please return it. you can probably just drop it off at mcdonalds, he should have it by this afternoon.
oh yeah, and i'll probably update the shit on the right border at some point, but don't hold your breath. does anyone even look at that shit anyways? i'm thinking of trying something different on there, we'll see how that goes.
Well it's been quite some time since anybody has done anything on here. Looking at who usually puts shit on here and the level of laziness each of us possesses, it's no wonder. After the Wild took a nose dive in the standings and the Gophs got whipped last weekend, there was really no reason for anything on here as far as I'm concerned.
With the help of many many Morgan Cokes, i was able to completely erase last weekend from my brain. As far as i'm concerned, the Gophs had the weekend off and have been focusing on St. Cloud this weekend.
It's also Hockey Day Minnesota this Saturday, which means i'll be drinking beer all day and occasionally venturing out to the backyard to warm up. It's supposed to be in the mid 70's here this weekend, and right now it's 84 degrees warmer here than it is in c-town (62 here and -22 c-town). God that's gotta suck.
Feever just emailed some garbage about some fucker on the sioux who is apparently a pest or some shit. That would've probably been something to email around Gopher/Sioux weekend, but since they don't play this year i guess he just couldn't resist. what a retard.
also, i read in the feever that Wids had another fucking kid and named it cuntswayla or some shit. i'm probably going to text him congratulations and remind him that he's not mexican.
not sure about you a-holes, but we get monday off for dead black guy day. black people rock. well once a year anyways. i'll spend the day recovering from a hangover i'm sure. wouldn't have it any other way.
ok thats enough for now, i should pretend to care what these people are doing in class. gay.
one more thing, has anyone found skippy's cell phone? i'm assuming he lost it because i haven't gotten a single call from him lately, and usually it's atleast one a week and goes something like this...
"fattttty, what's up?"
"not a damn thing, watching tv."
"oh yeah, i'm just working at the liq, bored as hell. did you watch the gophs last weekend? hang on there's a customer here................(in background) oh yeah, did you watch the gophs last weekend?........." that's usually when i hang up and ignore all subsequent calls.
so if anyone has seen his phone, please return it. you can probably just drop it off at mcdonalds, he should have it by this afternoon.
oh yeah, and i'll probably update the shit on the right border at some point, but don't hold your breath. does anyone even look at that shit anyways? i'm thinking of trying something different on there, we'll see how that goes.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Quick Question:
Is that Darren Sharper? (Second pic from top in "Photographic Evidence" post.)
Notcho
Notcho
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Photographic Evidence
Ok, I finally got a chance to upload pics from the weekend from hell. Simply stunning. Click on the pics to see them full size.
And finally, the world's biggest moose captured on film...
And finally, the world's biggest moose captured on film...
Gotta love those city and County workers
This story reminds me of the time a dedicated, hard working, park shop emloyee almost dumped his mower off the wrong side of the dike. I am sure they used the name Mike Raymond to cover up the fact that it was really skippy who lost control of the machine as Mo town was sucking his balls dry...not to mention what she did to him on his own workbench earlier that day.
CROOKSTON, Minn. - A county worker in Crookston is in trouble after his snowplow ended up at the bottom of a frozen river.
Mike Raymond was working a graveyard shift early Monday cleaning snow from county parking lots. He decided to take his John Deere 544 loader on a side trip to clean off a boat ramp on the frozen Red Lake River.
Raymond says he wanted to make it easier for people who pull fish houses on trailers onto the river. He so happens to have a fish house on the river himself — but tells the Grand Forks Herald that's not why he wanted to clear the area.
Raymond's plans went awry when the $200,000 loader slid down the cement ramp, broke through the ice and sank to the bottom about five feet from the bank. Raymond called 911, and emergency workers helped him out.
It took divers and equipment until noon Monday to get the loader out of the river. Raymond's boss says he will be disciplined.
___
CROOKSTON, Minn. - A county worker in Crookston is in trouble after his snowplow ended up at the bottom of a frozen river.
Mike Raymond was working a graveyard shift early Monday cleaning snow from county parking lots. He decided to take his John Deere 544 loader on a side trip to clean off a boat ramp on the frozen Red Lake River.
Raymond says he wanted to make it easier for people who pull fish houses on trailers onto the river. He so happens to have a fish house on the river himself — but tells the Grand Forks Herald that's not why he wanted to clear the area.
Raymond's plans went awry when the $200,000 loader slid down the cement ramp, broke through the ice and sank to the bottom about five feet from the bank. Raymond called 911, and emergency workers helped him out.
It took divers and equipment until noon Monday to get the loader out of the river. Raymond's boss says he will be disciplined.
___
Saturday, December 27, 2008
8 Mile
Yep, just hanging out in smelly Detroit getting drunk, hoping not to get knifed tonight. Right now i'm assuming the c-town emergency room is chalk-full of retards who tried too hard at the alumni hockey. Hoping Wade 'the blade' Demarais is one of the many injured. Heading home tomorrow, of course i'll be on a plane instead of watching what i'll assume is the last Vikes game of the year. probably for the best. and then heading to the gophs game new years eve in tempe, i'm hoping to weird out some ASU broads. shouldn't be too difficult. also, i forgot how much labatt blue light rocks. they don't have this shit in AZ. it's money. once again, i'm hoping and fully anticipating putting some pics on here from last weekend, but we'll see how that goes. probably going to pass out in a snowbank tonight, haven't done that in quite some time, should be fun. roger dodger. i'm out.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Recovered
I think I'm finally sobering up to the point where I feel like editing some content on here, but I'm heading out in a little bit to go play some poker, so it'll have to wait. I'll try to throw some pictures from last weekend on here tomorrow before we head out to Michigan for Christmas on Sunday. God have mercy.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Ash-boo-boo-bu-shaw!
Beat 14, bitches.
http://www.sockandawe.com/
Notch
PS: Let's get an update on those USCHO rankings, huh? You can't just freeze time when your teams doing well...
http://www.sockandawe.com/
Notch
PS: Let's get an update on those USCHO rankings, huh? You can't just freeze time when your teams doing well...
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Blast from the Past
Digging through some old pictures the other day and came across this beauty. Looks like everyone's favorite village idiot Skippy was getting ready to throw down some buckets at the old CHS gym. I also personally witnessed him throwing down some Coors Originals at The Gym last night. He is already a legend in these parts, had an autograph party this morning outside the VA hospital and the line was wrapped around the block by 5:00am. God he's gorgeous.
Friday, December 12, 2008
friday night update...
For those of you who haven't been inundated with Skippers text messages the last two days, i'll give you a quick recap of the debacle so far. In list form...
1. skip's prescription deodorant doesn't fucking work. softball size pit stains aren't normal no matter what.
2. i drank an estimated 30 drinks yesterday. pretty sure this is low balling it, i'd wager i was closer to 42. and driving home from the wild game was a good idea at the time.
3. speaking of leaving the wild game, i can't say i left on my own terms. let's just say some a-hole asked me if that was my first time drinking and i took exception to it. next thing you know, i'm being removed from the arena for threatening some guys life. the only thing that saved me from going to jail was pointing out to the cops that my lawyer was present and he would deal with them. forget the fact that i was talking about russel and he was busy chanting about the wild's power play sucking.
4. did i mention that skip's pits reak like shit?
5. that's about enough for now, we're heading to the bar in a little bit. if i can figure out how to use a computer later i'll update. skip just mentioned he is planning on crushing some puss tonight, also called it beating up the puss. or vag. he's a real prize right now pounding red bull vodka. should be a good night. oh, and russel spilled his beer on me at the tilted kilt. dick.
1. skip's prescription deodorant doesn't fucking work. softball size pit stains aren't normal no matter what.
2. i drank an estimated 30 drinks yesterday. pretty sure this is low balling it, i'd wager i was closer to 42. and driving home from the wild game was a good idea at the time.
3. speaking of leaving the wild game, i can't say i left on my own terms. let's just say some a-hole asked me if that was my first time drinking and i took exception to it. next thing you know, i'm being removed from the arena for threatening some guys life. the only thing that saved me from going to jail was pointing out to the cops that my lawyer was present and he would deal with them. forget the fact that i was talking about russel and he was busy chanting about the wild's power play sucking.
4. did i mention that skip's pits reak like shit?
5. that's about enough for now, we're heading to the bar in a little bit. if i can figure out how to use a computer later i'll update. skip just mentioned he is planning on crushing some puss tonight, also called it beating up the puss. or vag. he's a real prize right now pounding red bull vodka. should be a good night. oh, and russel spilled his beer on me at the tilted kilt. dick.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Celebration....come on
Yes, the Twins finally made an off season acquisition. As Twins fans, we can now all calm down knowing that Nick "i lick sweaty balls" Punto will be back for two more years with the Twins. It is sure that his .207 batting average is going to help the team out. This guy has the same amount of offensive skills as skippy does on the work bench. Watching Punto play ball is like watching a young Matt Murphy, in net for the VFW Bantam team. Punto's smile in this picture also brings me back to the days of a happy go lucky Bucky H! Let's go Twins.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Ask and you shall receive...
Due to popular demand. Ok, just Melsh as far as i know, but he's pretty popular in his own right. Here's the tentative itinerary for the week:
Thursday December 11th
10:07am - Beav, Skippy, and Russel fly in to Phoenix
10:30am - Arrive home
10:45am - Drink beer in backyard, play beer pong
3:45pm - Arrive at Jobing.com Arena and begin tailgating
7:00pm - Wild vs Coyotes
Friday December 12th
Noon - Wake up
1:00pm - Golf
5:30pm - BWW or another bar
7:00pm - Bonfire at home
Saturday December 13th
Noon - Wake up
1:00pm - Golf
3:30pm - Funugyz or another bar
5:00pm - Gophers vs Colorado College
8:00pm - Salty Seniorita's or another bar
Sunday December 14th
8:00am - Wake up
9:00am - Arrive at University of Phoenix Stadium and begin tailgating
2:00pm - Vikings vs Cardinals
2:15pm - Skid asked to leave stadium
5:30pm - The Gym or another bar
8:00pm - Bonfire at home
Monday December 15th
???? - Retards head back to Minnesota
I'll try to update throughout the weekend, but there's no guarantee i'll be able to recognize, let alone use a computer.
By the way, the picture above could represent any and all of us at any point this weekend.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
From Sammy...
Received this in my email the other day, after further review, i'll deem it blogworthy even though he was clearly sober when writing. what a fucking shame.
I can't directly contribute to the blog at this time due to more computer issues at Wiener's house (can you believe he's getting that computer fixed again). But I figured you might want to get the word out that the one and only Matt "Russel" Rust has been named to this year's USA World Junior Team. I think this will have a direct effect on his visit out to AZ as it might land him more puss to crush so he might have to talk to Skippy to get another pallet delivered before Thursday. I know it's short notice but we all know Skippy has the connections to pull it off. And the Gophers will be represented by Hoeffel, Schroeder, and Fairchild. Didn't notice any fighting suzies named to the US roster but that's probably because 1 of 2 reasons, 1. They're gay and America won't be represented by homos. 2. Their roster is made up of mostly dumbass Canadians.
I can't directly contribute to the blog at this time due to more computer issues at Wiener's house (can you believe he's getting that computer fixed again). But I figured you might want to get the word out that the one and only Matt "Russel" Rust has been named to this year's USA World Junior Team. I think this will have a direct effect on his visit out to AZ as it might land him more puss to crush so he might have to talk to Skippy to get another pallet delivered before Thursday. I know it's short notice but we all know Skippy has the connections to pull it off. And the Gophers will be represented by Hoeffel, Schroeder, and Fairchild. Didn't notice any fighting suzies named to the US roster but that's probably because 1 of 2 reasons, 1. They're gay and America won't be represented by homos. 2. Their roster is made up of mostly dumbass Canadians.
Skipper Golfing Highlights
With the upcoming trip to Phoenix and the "golfing" that is supposed to take place, I thought I would post some highlights of the Skipper hitting the links.
Friday, December 5, 2008
1st Period = Wild Collectively Shitting Their Pants
It was gross. Some stats from the first:
1. Wild outshot something like 14-3
2. Faceoffs seem to be 11-1 in favor of the Nucks
3. Completed passes by the Wild - i'd say 1
I must've missed the press release when the Wild hired Marty Anderson to coach the defense. I won't be surprised if he suits up for the second period to help out the boys, he was an absolute beast back in the day, just ask Monty. Speaking of Monty, has anybody heard from that clown in the last 5 years? i haven't. the only gossip i hear about him is when i make my quarterly visit to court for various charges and run into his old man.
I really shouldn't be talking about court visits with the crew that's coming down this week for the Wild and Vikes games, it's not a matter of if, it's who and for how long. knock on wood.
1. Wild outshot something like 14-3
2. Faceoffs seem to be 11-1 in favor of the Nucks
3. Completed passes by the Wild - i'd say 1
I must've missed the press release when the Wild hired Marty Anderson to coach the defense. I won't be surprised if he suits up for the second period to help out the boys, he was an absolute beast back in the day, just ask Monty. Speaking of Monty, has anybody heard from that clown in the last 5 years? i haven't. the only gossip i hear about him is when i make my quarterly visit to court for various charges and run into his old man.
I really shouldn't be talking about court visits with the crew that's coming down this week for the Wild and Vikes games, it's not a matter of if, it's who and for how long. knock on wood.
Finally Friday...
...And no Gophers hockey tonight. Gay. On a positive note, the Wild and Canucks are about to start. And I've got plenty of beer in the fridge. Cory Schneider is in goal for the nucks, always a good sign when Luongo isn't playing. Didn't work so well last time for the Wild when the other backup (can't remember his name, but he's gay) was playing, but i'm thinking the Wild will take their chances with this douche bag.
Sheppard and Kessler duking it out in the first 30 seconds, and Kessler seems to like punching helmets. I'll give this one to Sheppard in a split decision, if he didn't have a helmet on the entire fight he'd have a headache, but he should be fine.
Gonna have to kill some nattys for this one, i'm not afraid to take one for the team. This could lead to more posting, or could lead to more drinking. maybe both.
If nothing else, only 6 days until the biggest assault on my liver in quite some time. If i'm nothing else, i'm prepared for this.
Also, if anybody knows what Beav's story is, please share. Haven't heard from him since he said he mailed out a check for his vikings ticket 3 weeks ago. either the mail is really fucking slow, or beav is a space cadet. or both.
ok, enough typing, it's drinky time.
Sheppard and Kessler duking it out in the first 30 seconds, and Kessler seems to like punching helmets. I'll give this one to Sheppard in a split decision, if he didn't have a helmet on the entire fight he'd have a headache, but he should be fine.
Gonna have to kill some nattys for this one, i'm not afraid to take one for the team. This could lead to more posting, or could lead to more drinking. maybe both.
If nothing else, only 6 days until the biggest assault on my liver in quite some time. If i'm nothing else, i'm prepared for this.
Also, if anybody knows what Beav's story is, please share. Haven't heard from him since he said he mailed out a check for his vikings ticket 3 weeks ago. either the mail is really fucking slow, or beav is a space cadet. or both.
ok, enough typing, it's drinky time.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Check 1, Check 2
I've really got nothing. Just wanted to make sure this thing still worked. It does. System check complete. And Skippy is coming to visit next week. I'll make sure to stock up on twinkies and moon pies.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
What about....
It's great to see that this little project of the PhD is gaining such wide readership. I thought I would add on to the final five stories. I guess I instigated this story by trying to take a nap. I know, I know, who naps at the final five? Well, I didn't skip a game to go to a girls high school basketball game, so you can all lick my taint. Anyway, I was trying to catch up on a few zzzs, when none other than Magic, who I barely knew, decided to wake me up by jumping on the bed. While he did succeed in waking me up, he also succeeded in falling off the bed and almost breaking his ankle. If he wasn't so numbed up from being at a .230 for 3 days straight, that probably would have hurt. I truly enjoyed watching him hobble around for the rest of the weekend. And climbing trees in front of the hotel.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Top Five at the Five
5. Hammer corrects himself.
"I said blind people can't read."
Good attempt, but both me and the West African cab driver clearly heard you assess the illiteracy of African Americans as a whole.
4. A new nickname is born.
Adam Morlan, after devouring a pizza in record time, takes some flak from Rusty and I for his mass consumption and free-style rapping on the way home in the cab. Most likely due to tomato sauce stuck in his hear, he thinks Rusty refers to him as "skip".
"Did you just call me Skip?"
"No, but I am going to now."
3. Magic draws the line.
Thompson, despite Skipper's obvious interest, turns away a female craving sexual attention for the first time on record. Skid may argue he was not intrigued by this hail-damage-sporting wildabeast, but if that is true, then why, oh why, were you fingering your belly button?
Magic, bum ankle and all, decides it's time to leave, and kindly pushes the lady out of the room mid-conversation and slams the door behind her.
2. Two birds with one stone.
This of course is Feever's double whammy.
"I don't want to kick you out, but you gotta stop spilling your drink and swearing."
Drops his drink. "Oh fuck."
Don't worry Feever, at least you were wearing that cool I got tanked at Mandalay Bay t-shirt... all weekend.
1. Going to the well one too many times.
I mean the stairwell, of course. No matter how many times we were warned by the Nazi security guard... No matter how many guys we saw him beat to within an inch of their lives for their insubordinance... We smoked in the stairwell repeatedly. I believe it was Saturday night at about 4am, and we needed one more heater. One too many. He enters the stairwell, we flee to floor seven. He follows. Busts open our door. I'm laying the wrong way on a bed pretending to sleep. He's not fooled. As he's giving me the business, I'm acting apologetic and trying to locate Feever. Oh, there he is. Standing behind the door, seven inches away from the Nazi... still smoking.
Dishonorable mention: The triple helicopter. You people know who who are. Be ashamed.
"I said blind people can't read."
Good attempt, but both me and the West African cab driver clearly heard you assess the illiteracy of African Americans as a whole.
4. A new nickname is born.
Adam Morlan, after devouring a pizza in record time, takes some flak from Rusty and I for his mass consumption and free-style rapping on the way home in the cab. Most likely due to tomato sauce stuck in his hear, he thinks Rusty refers to him as "skip".
"Did you just call me Skip?"
"No, but I am going to now."
3. Magic draws the line.
Thompson, despite Skipper's obvious interest, turns away a female craving sexual attention for the first time on record. Skid may argue he was not intrigued by this hail-damage-sporting wildabeast, but if that is true, then why, oh why, were you fingering your belly button?
Magic, bum ankle and all, decides it's time to leave, and kindly pushes the lady out of the room mid-conversation and slams the door behind her.
2. Two birds with one stone.
This of course is Feever's double whammy.
"I don't want to kick you out, but you gotta stop spilling your drink and swearing."
Drops his drink. "Oh fuck."
Don't worry Feever, at least you were wearing that cool I got tanked at Mandalay Bay t-shirt... all weekend.
1. Going to the well one too many times.
I mean the stairwell, of course. No matter how many times we were warned by the Nazi security guard... No matter how many guys we saw him beat to within an inch of their lives for their insubordinance... We smoked in the stairwell repeatedly. I believe it was Saturday night at about 4am, and we needed one more heater. One too many. He enters the stairwell, we flee to floor seven. He follows. Busts open our door. I'm laying the wrong way on a bed pretending to sleep. He's not fooled. As he's giving me the business, I'm acting apologetic and trying to locate Feever. Oh, there he is. Standing behind the door, seven inches away from the Nazi... still smoking.
Dishonorable mention: The triple helicopter. You people know who who are. Be ashamed.
A Team Named Sue
Updating the USCHO rankings today, and them indians from north dakota no longer have a number in front of their name. That makes me giggle. That got me to thinking about how bad the final five is going to suck for Feever with nobody to cheer for. Also got me thinking back to the good ol days when a trip to the final five didn't involve a flight and was a yearly occurance. Ah, the memories. Here's my top 5 that i can remember. Keep in mind i was blackout drunk the majority of the time spent there, so these might not be accurate. Also, if i leave any out, feel free to add your own. I also have a couple other stories, but i can't remember if they happened during final five or at the state high school tourney, so i'll leave them off the list. we'll consider these honorable mentions; Greens picking his nose on the jumbotron, freddy throwing a beer bottle right through the hotel window, russel getting his jacket stolen from inside the ghetto hotel room, and yours truly getting cut off at a bar. it may or may not have been noon as previously reported by Hammy, i can't seem to remember the details. anyways, here's my top 5 final five stories:
5. Barry Bergan at some bar down the street from the X. If you haven't seen BB put on a show, you don't know what you're missing. Not to mention the fact that he was accompanied by Wade "the blade" demarais. There's a guy i miss. Anyways, Barry was stumbling drunk and wanted to know which titty bar was the best to get some "extra attention". He had collected about 30 of those strip club cards they hand out on the street and was flipping through them asking which one i thought he should go after. The guy is a legend.
4. Jimmy Johns. No real story here, but my god were they delicious at 2am. And i'm pretty sure Skippy had sex with his sandwich on TK's floor.
3. Riding the dueling zambonis with Beav. This also isn't much of a story, mainly because none of you other fuckers were at the arena yet when we did it. It was still pretty sweet. Also, i need to include the 94 times the Curlett was on the jumbotron. I swear to god he was sucking off the camera guy because he was up there every other stoppage. Fag.
2. Feever! Here's a bit of advice for anybody going to the X for any event: If the usher/security guy tells you to stop swearing and stop spilling your drink, don't do the following. Feever says he's sorry, won't happen again, proceeds to stumble a bit, spills his drink damn near on the guy's foot, then says something to the effect of "oh fuck i'm sorry" needless to say he was not around for the end of that game.
1. The mother of all Final Five stories, hands down number 1. We were all witness to the only person to ever have a full ciggy inside the Xcel Energy Center. Let me set the stage here, Sioux vs Gophers, jam-packed arena, we're at the bar row more than likely hammered as shit. Some old dude walks up behind us with his nachos in hand, cheese all over his shirt, and sits down in the lounge chairs behind us. Nothing unusual there, those are some sweet chairs. Game is underway, and the son of a bitch old man decides to take a fucking nap (read: pass out). I don't remember exactly when it was when he came to, but i know he slept through a couple goals, which equals loud as you can imagine in there. Fucker wakes up, kind of looks around as we're all laughing our drunk asses off at his perplexed look. He then reaches down and has a nacho, spills more cheese on himself, then did something legends are made of. He pulls out a box of ciggys, casually lights one up and smokes it. Not a hurried drag or a power drag, but he takes his time and enjoys every last drag. Not once during this does any security personnel approach him, nobody seems to be able to grasp what he was doing. When he finished his smoke, he put it out in his nacho cheese, got up, and went on his way like nothing happened. I'm pretty sure he was getting ready for warmups to start, not knowing he slept through most of the fucking game. It just doesn't get any better than that.
5. Barry Bergan at some bar down the street from the X. If you haven't seen BB put on a show, you don't know what you're missing. Not to mention the fact that he was accompanied by Wade "the blade" demarais. There's a guy i miss. Anyways, Barry was stumbling drunk and wanted to know which titty bar was the best to get some "extra attention". He had collected about 30 of those strip club cards they hand out on the street and was flipping through them asking which one i thought he should go after. The guy is a legend.
4. Jimmy Johns. No real story here, but my god were they delicious at 2am. And i'm pretty sure Skippy had sex with his sandwich on TK's floor.
3. Riding the dueling zambonis with Beav. This also isn't much of a story, mainly because none of you other fuckers were at the arena yet when we did it. It was still pretty sweet. Also, i need to include the 94 times the Curlett was on the jumbotron. I swear to god he was sucking off the camera guy because he was up there every other stoppage. Fag.
2. Feever! Here's a bit of advice for anybody going to the X for any event: If the usher/security guy tells you to stop swearing and stop spilling your drink, don't do the following. Feever says he's sorry, won't happen again, proceeds to stumble a bit, spills his drink damn near on the guy's foot, then says something to the effect of "oh fuck i'm sorry" needless to say he was not around for the end of that game.
1. The mother of all Final Five stories, hands down number 1. We were all witness to the only person to ever have a full ciggy inside the Xcel Energy Center. Let me set the stage here, Sioux vs Gophers, jam-packed arena, we're at the bar row more than likely hammered as shit. Some old dude walks up behind us with his nachos in hand, cheese all over his shirt, and sits down in the lounge chairs behind us. Nothing unusual there, those are some sweet chairs. Game is underway, and the son of a bitch old man decides to take a fucking nap (read: pass out). I don't remember exactly when it was when he came to, but i know he slept through a couple goals, which equals loud as you can imagine in there. Fucker wakes up, kind of looks around as we're all laughing our drunk asses off at his perplexed look. He then reaches down and has a nacho, spills more cheese on himself, then did something legends are made of. He pulls out a box of ciggys, casually lights one up and smokes it. Not a hurried drag or a power drag, but he takes his time and enjoys every last drag. Not once during this does any security personnel approach him, nobody seems to be able to grasp what he was doing. When he finished his smoke, he put it out in his nacho cheese, got up, and went on his way like nothing happened. I'm pretty sure he was getting ready for warmups to start, not knowing he slept through most of the fucking game. It just doesn't get any better than that.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
I'm drunk
not much to report at this point. i've switched from natty light to red bull vodkas so give it an hour or so and we should have some fun.
in case you weren't watching the gophs hockey game last night; weiner got a shout out from wooger during the game. it was money. the garage is now a certified something. not sure what, but it's sweet.
if wisconsin (football) loses to cal poly tech (they're down 29-21 with 6 minutes to go) the gophs are coming to tempe for the insight bowl. maybe. not sure. but it helps. probably. maybe not. i don't know. i'm drunk.
*EDIT* Badgers won in OT. unreal. ok, not so unreal, but still gay. gophs are down 13-0 to Iowa in the 2nd, probably headed to the Texas Bowl. dumb.
*EDIT #2* holy fucking shit. gophs lose 100-0. go to texas or florida or detroit. fags.
in case you weren't watching the gophs hockey game last night; weiner got a shout out from wooger during the game. it was money. the garage is now a certified something. not sure what, but it's sweet.
if wisconsin (football) loses to cal poly tech (they're down 29-21 with 6 minutes to go) the gophs are coming to tempe for the insight bowl. maybe. not sure. but it helps. probably. maybe not. i don't know. i'm drunk.
*EDIT* Badgers won in OT. unreal. ok, not so unreal, but still gay. gophs are down 13-0 to Iowa in the 2nd, probably headed to the Texas Bowl. dumb.
*EDIT #2* holy fucking shit. gophs lose 100-0. go to texas or florida or detroit. fags.
Friday, November 21, 2008
What the Fuck is Denver's Logo?
I understand that Denver's mascot is a Pioneer. But seriously, what is this? Is it a chicken? Is it Skid's drawing of a menstruating vagina? Who knows. What I know is Denver got swept by JBSU last week. That means that either they aren't very good or they played like dog shit last week. DU was picked to finish 2nd in the WCHA, so I am going to guess they had an off week. They have a bunch of good players, but I can't spell any of their names. I think Joe Bozyk might play for them. The good thing is that Peter Mannino doesn't play for them anymore. Instead, I think they are playing Tim Cheveldae. He wasn't good ten years ago, and he's not good now.Minnesota comes in as the #1 rated team in the nation. It's November, so polls don't mean a whole lot, but it's better to be a fan of #1 than to be a fan of green and black (fun fact: UND's official school colors are pink and green). Minnesota's first line of Stoa, Schroeder, and Barribal has produced all year and this week should be no different. The rest of the line up needs to start contributing. Look for tDon to mix up the lines a bit in order to try and generate some offense. Minnesota's D has to keep doing what they've been doing all year, tight in their own end and get the puck out of the zone. You will also see more of the same from Alex Kangas, who is coming off his first WCHA shutout.
I think the Gophers might be catching DU at the right time and might be able to pull out a sweep, but the thin air might get to them, so a split is more likely.
Sidenote: Canadians smoke Players, not Parliaments.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Télévision Canadienne
Après le fait de regarder la nourriture canadienne pour le jeu Sauvage ce soir, je déteste le Canada plus que jamais. Oubliez le fait que le Sauvage a perdu à Curtis baisant Sanford, le hosers l'action du jeu était le plus grand homers que je voyais jamais .
To sum up the gibberish above, the Wild got beat by Curtis Fucking Sanford tonight. And i have never hated Canada more. The only good thing about watching a hockey game from a Canadian feed is the commercials. No saved by zero bullshit, no subway, no brett favre, simply beer and hockey. Other than that, they are a bunch of retarded eskimos. The between period commentators actually made this comment after the first period: "the Canucks probably risked playing Sanford tonight since the Wild are only going to get a half dozen shots on goal per period at the most." Quick fact: shots after 1 period - Wild 9, Canucks 8. Now don't get me wrong, i'm sure this guy was pounding Kokanees throughout the period and probably took a few breaks for a parliament (no offense russel), but really? you honestly think they sat the butler from mr. deeds because the Wild don't take many shots on net? really? it sounded like widman trying to argue about how good the bears are. absolutely brutal. now the commentators during the game realized early on that the reason they started the retard was simply because luongo played last night, but the guys between periods, not so much. getting back to the commentators during the game, they weren't anything to write home about either. What happened to the guy the canucks used to have call their games who also provided the voice for every NHL game on X-box over the years? he was money. used to make real games feel like we were sitting at the old duplex in forks watching fee run up the score on latvia or some such shit.
keep your eyes open for some money posts saturday. the warden is hosting a michigan/ohio state party and while normally i couldn't give two shits less about that, the game starts at 10am arizona time so i'm in for another full day of drinking. i'm going to try to steer clear of the sailor jerry as long as possible, but we all know how that will play out.
also, taking a puck to the head is no excuse for not posting a gopher puck preview. god knows none of us wants to read any type of anything from skippy, but he's been pining for a chance to be the go-to guy for gopher hockey on here. we all know how that will go. well if not, here's how i see it...
Gophs match up well with the Denver Tigers this weekene.d. i probly wont see much of the game since ill be hammering away at some rookie puss all night, but they should probably sweeeeeeeeeeep! thats right, you heard it here first, 6 points for the gophs this weekend. and wtf und? the suzies are gay! hahahahaha lol skippy out
gave me crabs just typing that. or maybe it was hammy's mom, i can't remember. don't let us down russel.
PRICELESS!
Goalie Skates- $500
Glove and blocker- $400
Leg Pads-$700
Helmet- $300
Trip to the E.R. to get stitches for taking off your mask while skating off the ice after warm ups and getting blasted with a puck about $4,000 but still PRICELESS!!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Doc's role model!
We've all heard about the story that Wade Boggs drank a million beers on a cross-country road trip. Here's the actual story from an interview with Jeff Nelson (one of his former teammates) on the radio...not to mention the revelation that the Hawk was quite the ladies man. It's genius:I heard the legendary story over my car radio as I was heading down I-5 to work about a year ago, listening to Mitch in the Morning on 950 KJR, as usual. For some reason or another, Mitch was gone that day so Steve Sandmeyer was hosting the show, and former Mariners and Yankees pitcher Jeff Nelson was sitting in as his sidekick.
Sandmeyer was killing some time by making small talk about baseball and about Nelly's career and exploits as a major leaguer. The conversation turned to some of the funniest things Nelly had seen in his career when Sandy asked something like "who was the best with the ladies out of everyone you were around in baseball?" Nelson said that it was tough to say for sure, but that he figured it was probably Andre Dawson, the former Expos, Cubs, Red Sox, and Marlins slugger.
The two shared a laugh about the Hawk's game, and then Sandmeyer stumbled upon the most compelling question ever articulated in an interview: "who would you say drank the most beer out of everyone you ever played with?" The following colloquy sheds some light on one of drinking's biggest stars and on one of the greatest drinking feats of all time.
Sandy: Who would you say drank the most beer out of everyone you ever played with?
Nelson: Easy, Wade Boggs.....easy
Sandy: (laughing) Really!? Wade Boggs?
Nelson: Oh, yeah, without a doubt. I've never seen anyone drink as much beer as he did in my life:
Sandy: (laughing) Get outta here, alright, give me an example, like how much did he drink?
Nelson: Oh, I'd say, on a typical road trip, east coast to west coast [Nelly played with Boggs on the Yankees], say a road game to Seattle......Wade would drink anywhere between 50 and 60 beers.
Sandy: NO WAY!! 50 or 60 beers. That is impossible.
Nelson: No, I know...I know how crazy that sounds, and I wouldn't believe it myself unless I saw him do it.....numerous times. And he drank nothing but Miller Lite.
Sandy: How in the hell did he have time to drink that many beers. For God's sake, how many times did he have to go to the bathroom?
Nelson: I'm not kidding you Steve. Seriously. Wade was the kind of guy who was always the first one at the club house. So he'd get to the clubhouse, and he'd bring a six pack with him. He'd be there drinking a beer when someone showed up, and as we were all packing our stuff up out of our lockers and getting our bags ready for the trip, Wade would sit there and drink that whole six pack.
Now, at the time, we were flying out of New Jersey, so it was somewhat of a drive from Yankee stadium to the airport in New Jersey. Wade would drink another couple of beers on the bus to the airport. At the time, we were flying this older airplane, it couldn't make it across the country without refueling, and it wasn't the fastest airplane in the sky. So we would stop in North Dakota or something. Wade would drink about a half rack between New Jersey and North Dakota, and it would take about a half-hour to an hour to refuel once we got there, so he'd have a few more beers while we were grounded in North Dakota.
Once we got back up in the air, Wade would drink another 10, 11, 12 beers on the way out to the west coast. The whole flight from coast to coast ususally took us well over 7 hours. We'd touch down at Sea-Tac, hop on the bus headed to the Kingdome, and Wade would have another beer or two on the bus. Then, all of us would get to the Kingdome and unpack our bags and sit around and BS with eachother, and Wade would have a beer in his hand the entire time. He was always one of the last people to leave the club house too. So I'd say that all in all, he drank over 50 beers on the trip, and this wasn't just an isolated incident, he did that almost every time.
Sandy: Unbelievable. That's absolutely unbelieveable.
Nelson: Yeah, I know, I'm not kidding though, let's call up somebody and they'll tell you man, they'll tell you I'm not lying.
Sandy: Alright, who should we call up. Let's take a commercial break, and then we'll call up somebody and see if we can't get to the bottom of this....This is absolutely amazing.
[commercial break: When the commercial end, Paul Sorrento, a former Mariner and Devil Ray, and Boggs's and Nelly's former teammate, is on the phone]
Nelly: Hey Paul, good to hear from you man, I haven't talked to you in a while.
Sorrento: Yeah, what's it been like, two, three years?
Nelly: Yeah. Hey, Paul, just to clarify now, I didn't speak to you over the commercial break, and I haven't talked to you about anything since we last talked a few years ago right?
Sorrento: Yeah, right.
Nelly: Alright Paul, we've been talking about Wade Boggs up here today in Seattle.
Sorrento: (laughing) Yeah, ole Wade huh.
Nelly: Yeah, alright Paul, I need you to answer one question for me, truthfully now....How many beers would Wade Boggs drink on an east coast to west coast road trip?
Sorrento: Oh, jeez, (exhaling like a flat tire) I don't know, like 70.
Nelly, Sandberg, Sorrento, Hank: (Rolling on the ground laughing)
Monday, November 17, 2008
The Adventures of BloodNinja
Bored at work today so I was going through old email and came upon this. Most of you remember this from a few years ago.
http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcyber.html
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcyber.html
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Disappointment Saturday?
Can the Wild save what has otherwise been a rather disappointing day? I'm guessing not. After the Gopher hockey team managed to piss a two goal lead away, the Gopher football team managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. How gross. I think the Wooger had the right idea by being blitzed by 12:45. Something tells me the Wild aren't going to be able to pull this one out. With any luck they will at least manage a point before trapping in OT and choking in the shootout.
Kick in the Dick
As Russel noted in a text message, Cade Fairchild needs to learn that a puck absolutely cannot travel through a human being. Pass it, put it deep, move your ass, just don't shoot it directly into the man standing directly in front of you. We're not talking about Basil McRae blocking shots here, this is a member of the Michigan Tech Huskies. Gay. All in all a pretty shitty start to Saturday sports. Guess i'll just have to drink more.
On a positive note, the Gophers football team is whipping Wisconsin 21-7 right now. If everything goes according to plan, we'll be watching the Gophs in Tempe December 31st in the Insight Bowl. giggity giggity.
On a positive note, the Gophers football team is whipping Wisconsin 21-7 right now. If everything goes according to plan, we'll be watching the Gophs in Tempe December 31st in the Insight Bowl. giggity giggity.
Nice Little Saturday
I woke up this morning to our neighbors screaming obsenities at each other in the street. If it wasn't 6am i probably would've grabbed a cold one and pulled up a lawn chair. Honestly, how can you kick off a weekend better than that? now i'm staring straight in the face of Gopher Hockey at Noon, Gopher Football at 1:30, then the Wild play at 6:00. Probably going to start drinking before too long, which might lead to more posting or might lead to more drinking and a little slice of blacking out. I really could go either way on this one. Either way, i'm not complaining. By the way, the cartoon at the top was stolen straight from GPL, and it pretty much sums up how i feel every Saturday morning around this time when you know who sees me crack a beer and gives me that look.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
alaska anchorage is bound to win one of these games
I thought everyone would like to read another rousing edition of the Sioux Hockey Weekend Preview, starring yours truly, who, unlike some gopher enthusiasts in the media, is not on the crack-rock. Anyway, I'll jump right into it. The Sioux will win the first game 2-1 in a shit-show, then come back for the second night to be blown out 11-2, because that's what they do apparently.
That may sound somewhat negative from a fan, but, in the words of Russell, I have been brought down a peg by the early WCHA action. As if that wasn't enough, the lack of criminal activity from the young Canucks on the team is killing my spirits. It's one thing to be bad, it's another to not piss in elevators after a loss. That's just plain unacceptable. I mean, if I lose to Wisconsin after being up 3 going in to the third at home, somebody's minivan is getting stolen and rammed into the side of El Rocco Nightclub. That's just the way shit goes down. I keeps it real like that. Anyway, you have my pessimism and my predictions.
Free Puffy!
I Fear for the Children of Peoria, AZ
You really have to wonder about the public school system in Peoria, AZ. They let this "man" "educate" their children on a semi-daily basis. If I wasn't so lazy I would look up the standardized test scores for the period he has been employed in the area. I guarantee there is a direct correlation between his first day and a nose-dive in scores.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
friday night is going to be lame
For those of you that aren't aware, the Gopher hockey team plays at 1 pm on Saturday and Sunday. Apparently there is some basketball event at the Barn on Friday night. This blows. Now I will have nothing to live for on Friday. I will have nothing entertaining to watch while I am getting warmed up for the bar. I guess there might be a St. Cloud or UMD game on some random cable access channel, but that's just not the same. I may be forced to check out Alaska-Anchorage and the sue on the NHL network. It would be fun to see the Seawolves take the sue down a peg. Another good thing is that I will have an excuse to start drinking at 1 on Saturday and something to distract me from the Gopher football team getting crushed.
Monday, November 10, 2008
TV Commercials That Fucking Suck
You know you're watching way too much TV when the commercials start driving you up a fucking wall. Well, I'm there. Here's the most annoying ones that come to mind:
1. Subway - Five Dollar Footlong
I swear to fucking god I will never eat at Subway again simply because they won't quit with these fucking commercials. I thought it was bad enough when they put that faggot Jared on TV for not being quite such a fatass anymore, but no. They came up wiht the most annoying theme music every invented and plaster it on every channel I have ever watched. I can't even watch Happy Gilmore anymore, and that was a sweet movie.
2. Toyota? - Saved by Zero
Last night in my sleep I kept seeing this big red zero floating around. At first I thought it might be Clifford, the big red fucking dog (I'll explain that later), but no, it was the logo of the most annoying car commercial ever. I have actually turned the TV several times when that commercial came on, and once, I actually got up to get the remote off the other couch to turn the channel. It takes a lot to get me to move when i'm laying on the couch, so that should about sum up how bad i hate that fucking commercial.
3. Wrangler - Brett Favre is Gay
This one isn't so much annoying, i can't even think of the background song off the top of my head, but i hate that fag.
4. Every Brand in America - Anything with Peyton Manning
I swear to fucking Christ that this media whore has more sponshorships than any NASCAR homo in the land. I think if you're ever really bored and wanna get hammered, play a game where you flip through the channels and drink every time this faggot is on tv. you should be blacking out in about an hour. God he sucks.
5. Frank TV
Yeah we get it, you talk like other people. Now you dress like them too and have a show. Awesome. I was actually glad the Twins didn't make the playoffs so i wasn't forced to watch TBS and see this stupid Jew every other minute. And as if that wasn't bad enough, now he's spreading like the plague doing bits for other fucking companies on seemingly every channel available. What a douche.
6. Vonage
What the fuck is Vonage and why do i need it? Does anyone under 50 even have a house phone anymore? If you're going to compete with the "phone company" you might as well advertise in AARP, i know weiner gets that magazine now and he's the only person i know who still has a house phone. Old people don't watch TV after 3pm. Thats when they go to bed. And some of them shit the bed, that's gross. Maybe put out some flyers at the OCB on Sundays. theres a ton of old fuckers there just aching for someone to talk to.
Ok, i was going to tell the story of Clifford the Big Fucking Red Dog, but I'm sick of sitting upright, I'm going to lay down for awhile. Probably drink some beer too. Best thing about being employed by the school district, no work on holidays. That includes Veterens Day. Which is tomorrow. So no work for me. Fuck you.
1. Subway - Five Dollar Footlong
I swear to fucking god I will never eat at Subway again simply because they won't quit with these fucking commercials. I thought it was bad enough when they put that faggot Jared on TV for not being quite such a fatass anymore, but no. They came up wiht the most annoying theme music every invented and plaster it on every channel I have ever watched. I can't even watch Happy Gilmore anymore, and that was a sweet movie.
2. Toyota? - Saved by Zero
Last night in my sleep I kept seeing this big red zero floating around. At first I thought it might be Clifford, the big red fucking dog (I'll explain that later), but no, it was the logo of the most annoying car commercial ever. I have actually turned the TV several times when that commercial came on, and once, I actually got up to get the remote off the other couch to turn the channel. It takes a lot to get me to move when i'm laying on the couch, so that should about sum up how bad i hate that fucking commercial.
3. Wrangler - Brett Favre is Gay
This one isn't so much annoying, i can't even think of the background song off the top of my head, but i hate that fag.
4. Every Brand in America - Anything with Peyton Manning
I swear to fucking Christ that this media whore has more sponshorships than any NASCAR homo in the land. I think if you're ever really bored and wanna get hammered, play a game where you flip through the channels and drink every time this faggot is on tv. you should be blacking out in about an hour. God he sucks.
5. Frank TV
Yeah we get it, you talk like other people. Now you dress like them too and have a show. Awesome. I was actually glad the Twins didn't make the playoffs so i wasn't forced to watch TBS and see this stupid Jew every other minute. And as if that wasn't bad enough, now he's spreading like the plague doing bits for other fucking companies on seemingly every channel available. What a douche.
6. Vonage
What the fuck is Vonage and why do i need it? Does anyone under 50 even have a house phone anymore? If you're going to compete with the "phone company" you might as well advertise in AARP, i know weiner gets that magazine now and he's the only person i know who still has a house phone. Old people don't watch TV after 3pm. Thats when they go to bed. And some of them shit the bed, that's gross. Maybe put out some flyers at the OCB on Sundays. theres a ton of old fuckers there just aching for someone to talk to.
Ok, i was going to tell the story of Clifford the Big Fucking Red Dog, but I'm sick of sitting upright, I'm going to lay down for awhile. Probably drink some beer too. Best thing about being employed by the school district, no work on holidays. That includes Veterens Day. Which is tomorrow. So no work for me. Fuck you.
Weekend Recap
Sorry for my recent absence. I've been really busy laying on the couch and eating. I'd say it won't happen again, but I guarantee it will. Anyway, here are my thoughts on the weekend:- Was that Gus Frerrote or Derrick Schmalenberg playing QB for the Vikings? Either way he was dogshit. Holy christ horrible. Thank god I only got to watch the second half.
- It's really hard to be competitive when your men's league hockey team only has 5 guys show up. It's even harder when one guy gets kicked out for slashing someone in the face. I really need this bye week to recover.
- Gopher hockey good, gopher football bad. Welcome back to earth, Tim Brewster. However, if you didn't see this coming, you are dumber than John Lynch's left nut. If Decker is out, good luck the rest of the season. Here comes 7-5 afer a 7-1 start. Hello Motor City Bowl.
- That split-screen shit that FSN does during Saturday Gopher hockey games is garbage. Yep, let's spotlight Cade Fairchild picking his ass by the blue line while the puck is in the corner. Real fucking entertaining. At least they won.
- I'm pretty sure the Cedars of Edina intentionally shut down their elevators on Saturday knowing I was going to be helping my sister move into an apartment on the 3rd floor. Fuck them.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Gopher Hockey Recap
I thought this was Russel's department, but since he is nowhere to be found, i'll assume he's out burnin through some rubs with an innocent young coed and i'll chime in.
if you missed the game tonight, you suck. this was one of the best college hockey games i've seen in quite some time. up and down the ice all night, good flow, great scoring chances at both ends, and it all led to a 2-2 tie. the one difference i noticed from previous gopher games this year was no ref had sheppard or hunt on the back of his jersey. wherever they got these guys from, they need to keep recruiting there. i don't remember any penalty call making me think "ticky tack" which is a good thing because thats pretty gay.
i just went to take a piss and sneezed twice in the middle of the piss. i had to wipe when i finished. not sure if the sneezing triggered a relaxing of the sphincter or not, but it happened. kind of reminds me of my 21st birthday when i was puke-farting in the backyard at weiner's place. good times.
superbad is on now. looks like i'll be up drinking for another 2 hours. also good times. probably going to regret it in the morning, but you can't win em all.
if you missed the game tonight, you suck. this was one of the best college hockey games i've seen in quite some time. up and down the ice all night, good flow, great scoring chances at both ends, and it all led to a 2-2 tie. the one difference i noticed from previous gopher games this year was no ref had sheppard or hunt on the back of his jersey. wherever they got these guys from, they need to keep recruiting there. i don't remember any penalty call making me think "ticky tack" which is a good thing because thats pretty gay.
i just went to take a piss and sneezed twice in the middle of the piss. i had to wipe when i finished. not sure if the sneezing triggered a relaxing of the sphincter or not, but it happened. kind of reminds me of my 21st birthday when i was puke-farting in the backyard at weiner's place. good times.
superbad is on now. looks like i'll be up drinking for another 2 hours. also good times. probably going to regret it in the morning, but you can't win em all.
Golf Tomorrow?
I'm assuming since it's supposed to be in the 40s and raining/snowing back in the C-town area that none of you are going to be golfing tomorrow. That's where we differ. And just to make you feel like you're a part of my fabulous Saturday, i'll give you a rundown of my itinerary.
November 8th, 2008
6:30am - Wakeup Call
7:00am - Memosa and Bloody Mary Breakfast
7:30am - Leave for Golf Course
7:45am - Tee Time at Traditions Golf Course (9 holes)
10:00am - Buffalo Wild Wings for Gophers Football Game
1:30pm - Leave for Golf Course
2:00pm - Tee Time at Desert Vista Golf Course (18 holes)
6:00pm - Leave Golf Course for Jobing.com Arena
7:00pm - Coyotes vs Panthers
10:00pm - Return Home to Watch Gophers Hockey on DVR
I rock, you're all gay. Oh, and the Vikings tickets for December are on sale now. $85 gets you the following:
- Upper level ticket to the game
- Ride to and from the stadium
- All you can eat and drink prior to the game
I need to get the money in ASAP to make sure we get seats, so feel free to send me a check for the $85 at any time. I'll send out an email Sunday with my address on it so you can get a check in the mail.
November 8th, 2008
6:30am - Wakeup Call
7:00am - Memosa and Bloody Mary Breakfast
7:30am - Leave for Golf Course
7:45am - Tee Time at Traditions Golf Course (9 holes)
10:00am - Buffalo Wild Wings for Gophers Football Game
1:30pm - Leave for Golf Course
2:00pm - Tee Time at Desert Vista Golf Course (18 holes)
6:00pm - Leave Golf Course for Jobing.com Arena
7:00pm - Coyotes vs Panthers
10:00pm - Return Home to Watch Gophers Hockey on DVR
I rock, you're all gay. Oh, and the Vikings tickets for December are on sale now. $85 gets you the following:
- Upper level ticket to the game
- Ride to and from the stadium
- All you can eat and drink prior to the game
I need to get the money in ASAP to make sure we get seats, so feel free to send me a check for the $85 at any time. I'll send out an email Sunday with my address on it so you can get a check in the mail.
Doc's future lover
A KMSP-TV reporter arrested Saturday has been charged with gross-misdemeanor drunken driving and leaving the scene of an accident, according to a complaint filed in Hennepin County.Beth McDonough was also charged with careless driving. She had a blood-alcohol reading of .24 percent two hours after troopers showed up at her Minnetonka home, the complaint said. That reading is three times the limit used to determine drunkenness in DUI cases. She refused a blood-alcohol test at first but later consented.
McDonough, 40, had her driver's license revoked in December after she was convicted of third-degree drunken driving. Her license was reinstated in June.
The driver of the other vehicle involved in Saturday's accident said he called authorities and then followed the car as it drove away after it rear-ended him on Interstate Hwy. 394 near Hwy. 169.
A State Patrol trooper went to McDonough's home and noticed "a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage, slurred speech, and bloodshot and watery eyes," the complaint said.
KMSP-TV news director Bill Dallman said McDonough has been suspended.
McDonough was booked into Hennepin County jail and released Saturday afternoon after posting $12,000 bond. She is due to make her first court appearance Dec. 2.
Monday, November 3, 2008
badgers were bound to win some time.
Not gonna lie, UND dominated about 55 minutes of the hockey game on Saturday, and came up empty tomahawked. No badger scalps on that evening, and no Joe Finley. They did have a number of horrible giveaways (so, in a sense, the spirit of Joe Finley was there), tons of missed opportunities, poor goaltending, and one honorable tribute to the Lakota Nation Sioux Indian Tribes. All of it added up to a big L, and me being disappointed. I was, on the other hand, more educated and appreciative of my Sioux brothers. They lived relatively peaceful lives a long time ago, and really loved the buffalo. Yada, yada, yada, now they go to college for free. End of story. Let us use the name; I don't see what the big deal is.
Where has the retard been??
Like everyone else in this world, I am wondering where Joe make hockey time has been this year. It was rumored that he had a concussion earlier this season. I figured his mush brain might be back in time for the Wisconsin series but I guess not. I think UND may have just finally realized that he is a liability, waiting to be the cause of a national apology for something stupid he is bound to do. Side Theory:
This picture of Bucky Badger was sent to the Ralph last week. It appears that Bucky had been using Skippy’s work bench to get in some pectoral building pushups in anticipation for his rematch against the big dumb kid from UND. Joe caught Bucky off guard last year in the hallway and now it was time for Bucky to get his revenge. It seems that Joe preferred to stay on the short bus, licking windows, and shitting his diaper this weekend in order to avoid the ass kicking that Bucky was about to bring upon the young lad.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Random Observations
First thing first - it's not a good idea to start drinking Sailor Jerry at 9am. Ever.
As a direct result of this, I'm pretty sure everyone who was sitting in section 110 between rows G - I during the Wild game Saturday night are quite aware of a couple things;
1. Martin Skoula is retarded and sounds like a drunken monkey when he talks. He is also completely lost every time he steps on the ice and says things like "hey coach, i'm retarded and don't know what to do good." not sure what that means, but apparently i mentioned it many many times throughout the game.
2. "hit him with your purse, you pussy" is not only acceptable to say during a hockey game, but it's encouraged. doesn't matter that there is atleast 5 kids under 12 sitting within earshot, it's still a go. as long as you say it more than 10 times. and i'm pretty sure i had that covered before the first period was 8 minutes old. good stuff.
3. it's entirely possible to drink 7 16-ounce beers during one hockey game. don't forget they stop selling after the 2nd period. in light of that fact, make sure during the 2nd intermission you go up and get 2 beers not once, but twice. they won't let you buy 4 at once so you have to be crafty. well worth it. *disclaimer* this will probably lead to blacking out before you leave the arena. i know i did. i'm betting that taco bell food was really good though.
4. when you're cheering for the visiting team at a hockey game, and your team scores, immediately stand up, cheer, then turn around and point at any other individuals wearing a jersey/shirt/hat of the team you're cheering for. take my word on this one, just because you don't know them and will never see them again, for that minute you are pretty much brothers. and while you're at it, pop your jersey a few times if you're wearing one and then point at any and all home fans while staring directly through them. they need to feel you staring into their souls.
5. after the game, call paulette and ask her how the gophs did. don't worry if it's after midnight in c-town, she'll be up. probably really excited to hear from you too. and no, it doesn't matter if you wake up and ask yourself "i wonder how the gophs did last night."
All in all, it was a real shit show. Kendra will not be attending the Wild game with us in December. she said after the way i acted at the game last night and the fact that i'll have more retards helping me out, it isn't anything she wants to be a part of. this at least guarantees us a sober ride home, so you can thank me later.
5 weeks from Thursday and the official gong show can begin. I already notified the company that supplies cheese curds in the area and they'll be doubling their production in anticipation of Skippy's visit. I've set the bar pretty high for retardation at a Wild game, but i'm sure with enough beer and maybe a bottle of Sailor Jerry's, we'll be able to get the job done.
My liver hurts, i'm going to bed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
