Top Five at the Five

5. Hammer corrects himself.

"I said blind people can't read."

Good attempt, but both me and the West African cab driver clearly heard you assess the illiteracy of African Americans as a whole.

4. A new nickname is born.

Adam Morlan, after devouring a pizza in record time, takes some flak from Rusty and I for his mass consumption and free-style rapping on the way home in the cab. Most likely due to tomato sauce stuck in his hear, he thinks Rusty refers to him as "skip".

"Did you just call me Skip?"

"No, but I am going to now."

3. Magic draws the line.

Thompson, despite Skipper's obvious interest, turns away a female craving sexual attention for the first time on record. Skid may argue he was not intrigued by this hail-damage-sporting wildabeast, but if that is true, then why, oh why, were you fingering your belly button?

Magic, bum ankle and all, decides it's time to leave, and kindly pushes the lady out of the room mid-conversation and slams the door behind her.

2. Two birds with one stone.

This of course is Feever's double whammy.

"I don't want to kick you out, but you gotta stop spilling your drink and swearing."

Drops his drink. "Oh fuck."

Don't worry Feever, at least you were wearing that cool I got tanked at Mandalay Bay t-shirt... all weekend.

1. Going to the well one too many times.

I mean the stairwell, of course. No matter how many times we were warned by the Nazi security guard... No matter how many guys we saw him beat to within an inch of their lives for their insubordinance... We smoked in the stairwell repeatedly. I believe it was Saturday night at about 4am, and we needed one more heater. One too many. He enters the stairwell, we flee to floor seven. He follows. Busts open our door. I'm laying the wrong way on a bed pretending to sleep. He's not fooled. As he's giving me the business, I'm acting apologetic and trying to locate Feever. Oh, there he is. Standing behind the door, seven inches away from the Nazi... still smoking.

Dishonorable mention: The triple helicopter. You people know who who are. Be ashamed.