Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Game Time


6:57
Go Rays. Fuck me. I blame it on the coin flip. yeah, let's go with that.

6:55
guess me and gardy are on the same page. unfortunately kubel didn't get the memo we put him in there to get a hit. 1 down. span up.

6:51
alright, this is it. the white, right-handed dennys reyes coming in. don't forget we beat that fat fucker not more than a week ago. don't count on it again though. regardless i'm throwing in another rally chew. the last one was gay. have faith in the grizz.

6:45
not to look ahead to the 9th with nathan coming in, but you've got to imagine gardy will pinch hit for gomez. i expect to see kubel if it's still within 1. atleast he gives you a shot to tie. gomez on the other hand, not so much. then you got span and casilla. casilla might as well put his bat away as well. buscher, get warm.

6:40
Ok, i lied. what the fuck? punto hits a nubber to short that kalpakof could've fielded and then jogs to first to get doubled up. out of all the times to see that little midget slide into first, this would've been the time. but no. he checks up about halfway down the line and coasts. not even close at first. gay. and that brings his batting average against danks to about .075. nice move gardy, let's play him. might as well bring in guerrier and seal this thing.

6:39
I'm not even going to say anything on that one.

6:36
That wasn't a mistake that Stockton just stated, Harris' single with 1 out in the 8th was their SECOND hit of the game. to quote Harry Doyle, "two hits? two god damn hits!? i'm outta here."

6:33
Fat Mexican II gets out of the jam. Twins have got 6 outs left in the season if they don't get their shit together.

6:25
Great game by blackburn, unfortunately the combination of Danks being as good and the Twins hitters taking their retard pills before the game = not good results. Gardy bringing in Fat Mexican II to pitch to pierzynski. if that homo gets a hit here i'm gonna be sick. mijares has a snoose can in his back pocket. i'll assume it's tequila flavored grizzly.

6:19
Been a hell of a season. hopefully their team plane crashes on the way to tampa bay.

6:15
Six fucking pitches. thats what it took for Danks to get through the 7th. SIX! holy shit balls. he's pitching on 3 days rest, the sox have only two relievers who are worth a shit, it's a 0-0 game in the 7th, and we get him through an inning on six fucking pitches. fucking gay.

6:13
Harold Reynolds just absolutely over-analyzed a throw to first by pierzynski. talking about a make or break play. on a bunt. by joe mauer. he's almost half way to pissing away the batting title. if this game goes about 15 innings your batting champ is dustin pedroia.

6:10
Another beauty of an inning from blackburn. time for a rally chew.

6:09
I'm also sick of dick stockton mispronouncing Jason Wise's first name. it's Jay-son.

6:05
Did i mention i hate Pierzynski? and per Russel's comments from the comments section: yes cal ripken has definately let himself go. i'd still rather see him in there than punto. he doesn't even need a uni, just send him up there in his suit.

6:00
Beer me.

5:49
back to the game. twins have a threat in the 5th. Unfortunately that fag pierzynski hangs on to the ball on a collision at home with cuddy. Brings back memories of Hunter mauling the sox catcher a few years ago. Jamie Burke maybe? doesn't matter at this point, AJ just struck out so he can settle the fuck down and go make out with Uribe.

5:46
Just got off the phone with the one and only Skippy. says he's workin at the lick tonight and can't watch the game. what a fag. Also wanted to know where i got the picture of him from christmas last year when he got his new nun-chuks. i stole it out of his mom's dresser when i stayed over at her place this summer. also got some undies out of the hamper. it was glorious.

5:42
Twins dodge a bullet after Casilla wastes a double play chance. looks like my calling ability is right on par with bert's. now if i can just catch up to him in the beer department i'll have made something of myself. I'm on number 7 right now, he's probably in the 18 pack range already. i've got a lot of growing up to do.

5:34
And in the tradition of my boy Bert Blyleven, i'm gonna make a call. The sox will hit a HR this inning. i've just got a bad feeling. and Dye is on first, so i'm calling the twins being down atleast 2-0 after this inning. hopefully my calls are as accurate as bert's, he's 0 fer the century.

5:32
The Twins come back with an impressive inning at the plate, forcing Danks to throw 9 fucking pitches. and 7 of those were to mauer who struck out for the second time. It's innings like that that make me wonder if i really wanna watch these fuckers play more this year. ok, that's a lie. if they weren't on right now i'd definately be sober, probably watching family guy reruns. god my life is pathetic.

5:29
Mauer must've read in the papers that he needs to go 0-7 in order to piss away the batting title. he's well on his way with an 0-2 so far.

5:26
Jason Wise pops out to end the inning; a beauty from Blackburn. Sox look like the twins, 7 pitches necessary to put em down.

5:23
I can't get over how much i hate Juan Uribe with that gay blonde pubic hair patch on his chin. Good thing AJ can't grow facial hair or he'd probably have one too.

5:21
That was gay. Beer me.

5:09
AJ shits the bed with 2 runners on. 2nd inning crisis averted. Moving along. Due up for the twins: Timmy Anderson, Casey English, Ray Swatzel. It's go time!

5:05
Flava-Flav! That is one skinny black man. God i hate these fuckers.

4:58
Well that was neat. Cody Grivno, Ben Fiero, and Scott Waxvik would've put up a better fight that inning than Morneau, Cuddy, and Delmon. fuckin gross.

4:52
Dye is up, i should mention that his kid goes to school down here. If i wasn't so fucking lazy i probably would've kidnapped the little bastard. good thing dye sucks anyways so it shouldn't matter.

4:47
forgot to mention earlier that Harold Reynolds has taken time out of his hectic Sport Fucking schedule to join the booth tonight for TBS. hopefully he can keep his hands off of dennis eckersly long enough to get through the game. that dennis has the sweetest mullet/porn stache combo that would make any school boy drop to his knees.

4-3-6-3-6 Double Play! fuck me and fuck the sox.

4:46
so much for a quiet inning. blackburn just hangs a big fat breaking ball that barry altepeter could've laced into the gap. cabrera manages to line it to left. thank god altepeter wasn't up.

4:45
The announcer on TBS just called Mauer "Bauer". i didn't realize Danny Strommen was playing tonight. Shitty luck on a liner with the runner going bailed out the sox there. mauer must've missed the double play because he swung like there was a runner on first when he got up. heading to the bottom of the inning, blackburn needs to get through this one quietly.

4:36
Well, here we go. As suspected, the retarded midget is starting at short. Not surprised. I still see the twinkies getting worked tonight, but if they can get a couple early and shut up the fucks in the stands it'll definately help. must be "take a tard to the park" night in chicago, there is a lot of goofy lookin bastards in the stands. If the next entry is at 4:40 and says the sox are coming up, i'm quitting and getting drunk.

"black out" is also retarded and to top it off, the team didn't get the memo and is wearing white. god they're gay in chicago.


Also, i miss bert and his drunken antics on the air. Name me anybody else who dropped two F-Bombs on live TV during a telecast.

Labels

Please label photo's of Burt Reynolds. Or workbenches. Like, say...


Doc's Ex-girlfriend in the News

Here we have the sad news that Doc's ex-girlfriend has been arrested. It's easy to see why Doc was so in love with such a rare beauty, but you don't get to see the whole story until you read about her antics here. Only Doc could get to her level, or only she could get to his level. Either way, it's sad things didn't work out between them.

Tonight's Matchups

EDIT: the numbers lined up much better when i put them in. fuck you if you can't figure it out.

Ok, so looking at the matchup for tonight, i put together the hitting stats for batters vs Blackburn and Danks. I only included players who have atleast 10 prior at bats against that pitcher. Unfortunately, you can bet your balls Punto will be in the lineup. I don't make this shit up. Skippy does.

Player BA AB HR RBI
Cuddy .583 12 0 3
Gomez .200 10 0 0
Harris .500 14 0 1
Macri .400 15 1 3
Mauer .667 12 0 1
Morneau .438 16 3 8
Punto .091 11 0 0

Cabrera .200 15 0 1
Crede .400 10 1 1
Dye .214 14 1 2
Konerko .083 12 0 0
Pierzynski .500 10 0 2
Thome .333 12 0 2

Last Call....



Unfortunately I wasn't able to get my hands on any Jonas Brothers. Tickets of course.


I am fully prepared to do a live blog of the game tonight, as in my mind this will be the final Twinkies game this season. From what I saw this weekend, Gardenhire has thrown up the white flag and surrendered. If Matt Guerrier sees any action tonight I am going to have to get a tattoo removed tomorrow. I would rather see them dig up Christopher Reeve and have his dead crippled ass pitch than Guerrier. Hopefully I'm wrong and the Twins can hang around for atleast another week to get us closer to the Wild and Gophers seasons, but I'm not holding my breath.


I'll be on again when i get home from school, probably around 3:00 MST, and with the first pitch scheduled for 4:30 i should be about 6 beers deep by then.


I found Doc.


I have located the Doctor, he has been at shoot to be included in the next Jonas Brothers calendar. I am thinking with a pose like that he will be located somewhere in the cold months...lots of hair on that guy.
I was blasting my pecs on the bench last night, I looked over only to see Skippers gal (not sure of name, looked very much like China) pushing up double the weight as myself.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Where's Doc?

It has been over 48 hours since Doc's last post. I can only imagine he is in detox or camping out for Jonas Brothers tickets. It is quite possible he was arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct while camping out for Jonas Brothers tickets. Either way, someone get ahold of him and make sure he is still breathing.


Pics



Sorry, forgot to include pictures.

Blackburn

Nick Blackburn is to pitching in big games as Skipper Morlan is to workbenches. After Tuesday, we will know what this analogy means. As for now, I don't have a clue, but I think I'll be able to justify it either way this turns out.

Another label I'd like people to focus on: Burt Reynolds. Here's are some examples...

Skipper once told me how he could see how women find Burt Reynolds attractive.

Or...

The Vikings would be better off with a 64 year old Burt Reynolds at quarterback.

Or...

Little known fact: Burt Reynolds' character in the movie Striptease was actually loosely based on Skid's dad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4PStedNMGs

Take a look at this hit.....actually two hits on the punt return. Side note: I went to the Twins game on Saturday, they are terrible. Worst game I have seen all year. Also, Joe Mauer panics when there is runners on base.

Weekend of Disappointment

Well, the Vikings screwed the pooch again. God they suck. Thank God I could only watch the 4th quarter, and I barely watched that because the Twins were on. Speaking of the Twins, they better hope Detroit wins today. There is no way the Twins can beat the Sox 4 games in a row. That kind of domination is unheard of, unless you are talking about Skid and various buffets. On a positive note, there is less than 2 weeks until Gopher hockey starts. Finally I will have a reason to live again.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Still a Half Game Up

This is fucking ridiculous. And I'm fucking drunk. Sox lose again. Guerrier once again plays a part of the Twins history. Hopefully Ray Dusek is pitching tomorrow, nobody else is worth a shit at this point. Jesus fucking christ. Put in Skippy.

Joe Mauer

Does he practice hitting into double plays? Soria walked the first two guys, why take the bat off your shoulder?

In other news, I have officially laid on the couch for 8 consecutive hours, leaving only to get food and shit. Carry on.

Matt Guerrier


Ladies and Gentlemen, Matt Guerrier! Fucker came in 5th place in a race of 3 retards. I blame Gardy as much as anyone, what was that fucker thinking? I actually hope the Sox win tonight and we can quit cheering for team dumb. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. i know it's not the Viking anymore, I know it's Rooters.

Fuck You!

"We're Sorry! Based on the information that you have provided, you are blacked out of watching the game you selected."

no matter what happens tonight, fuck FOX for not letting me watch the game. you can all all lick me where i take a dump from. go Injuns. I blame Skippy.

Hey Gardy.....


Let's make a deal. bring in guerrier. golf monday. i'll buy the beer. you are a fucking retard. i would rather see patrick shaumberg or robby ringstad on the hill right now. where is the trio of fat mexicans we've got available?

R.I.P. Reg Dunlap

Paul Newman, the Academy-Award winning superstar who personified cool as the anti-hero of such films as "Hud," "Cool Hand Luke" and "The Color of Money" — and as player/coach Reggie Dunlap — has died. He was 83.
Newman died Friday after a long battle with cancer. On the plus side, plans for Slapshot 3 were immediately scrapped. Thank fucking God.

Gopher Football

Almost time for kick off as the Gophers take on the Buckeyes. Last I heard the line was Ohio State by 19. Fuck that. I don't think the Gophers will win, but there is no way Ohio State covers. They aren't that good. Yes, Minnesota hasn't played anyone worth fucking with Skid's dick, but they are much, much better than last year. Weber and Decker are the real deal, and from what I hear, the Ohio State secondary is suspect. Should be an interesting watch, although I am already sick of this Iron Gym commercial they keep playing. And Glen Mason is going to be in the booth. Fuck me, right?

Friday, September 26, 2008

Dude, you shit your bed!


We've all been there. well atleast Fee has. Twins are in the process of dropping a big pile of the stinky stuff. Right now the Sox are down by 3 to the injuns, so the twins still have a glimmer of hope to stay in first for the night, but not because of anything they've done.

Highlight of the game so far is Bert talking about his California math. I think he's in the range of 13 Coors Light's so far.

Finally Friday

Well, I'm not gonna lie to you, with the Royals in town i'm more excited about the drunk calls i'll inevitably get from skid and/or hammer tonight. Although Liriano is pitching so that's fun. Oh, and i got drunk with Mark Teahen last year when he was down for spring training, so that's pretty sweet. Probably won't be drinking much tonight, the Gophs game is on at 9:00 am tomorrow here, which equals a long day of drinking.

also of note - sox are losing in the 1st against cleveland. and AJ is still a homo.

Actually at first when i saw this I thought I was seeing things I wasn't sure if it was Will, Fuji, or "not everyday" Eddie. Or wait was it all 3 rolled into one??

Fat Ass





Eddie Guardado warming up in the 8th inning during last night's game. Fat fuckin mexican wore the wrong jersey.

Drunkin sailor

Doctorrrrrrrrrrrr, well I came into work today and what was the first thing I did.... yep you guessed it check the blog and it didn't take me long before I was holding my dick becuase i thought i was gonna piss myself after reading that drunkin display of blogging AKA another day in the life of the one and only Dr. Melbye. I also might add that I will retain the boat tarp boxers (fuck your mother Doc) as the crown for being the closest guess in the score last night, yes I know I wake up in the morning and piss and shit excellence.

Senor SMOKE



I am thinking we need to bring back Sr. Smoke for the playoffs, really make things interesting and really get the spanish flowing in that Twins locker room. Great Blog last night!!

P.S. I hope AJ enjoyed the shit burger the Twins served his ass last night, nice hair, homo.

Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirbyyyyyyyyy Pucket



Well, nobody except JP's cousin Tone bet on the Twins sweeping. If the Gophs beat the Buckeyes tomorrow, i'll see you in vegas.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Live Twins Blog - Part II


8:38
TWINS WIN! TWINS WIN! 1ST PLACE BITCHES! and i'm drunk on a Thursday. Fuck Sam for being at the game. Gomez is trying to talk to Telly Hughes right now, he just reminded me of Peter Griffin when he said the entire alphabet in 1/3 of a second. if i had to guess, he has drank atleast 30 red bulls tonight.

8:35
i hate punto a little less after that play. but that's like saying that skippy is a little less fat getting down to 295. it's still a shit load of hate/weight. casilla should lead us into the 11th here.

8:32
Winning run at 2nd with Span up and 2 outs. I say walk Span and get to Casilla if i'm Ozzie. but thank god i'm not because then i couldn't speak english or work in america legally.

8:27
Time to check out the bullpen for tonight. keep in mind they are the reason the twins aren't up by 5 games on the sox right now.

6 1/3 innings, 2 hits (both by the fuck ass crain), 0 runs. where the fuck was this a month ago? and we still have the crazy fat mexican in the cupboard. heading to the bottom of 10, Harris, Punto, and Gomez due up. Time to get it done, i don't wanna have to break into the bud lights.

8:22
jesus christ another 3 minute half inning. once again thanking god that i'm not at the dome sobering up right now.

8:19
x-rays on slowey are negative. so are reviews of his pitching after the 3rd inning.

EDIT: the comment above i blame on the Natty Lights. Sounds like something Skippy would say. I apologize.

9th inning and we got morneau, cuddy, and young due up. not quite the hann, melbye, hann days of mick's office, but you can't have it all.

8:14
Nathan just threw a pitch that i'm pretty sure bounced on the turf in front of the dirt in front of home plate. and hit mauer close to the cookies. cup check.

8:11
Thank you Alfonso Marquez. He must hate that little weirdo Swisher as much as i do because it sure looked like ball 4 to me. although that next fuckbag would've grounded into a DP so it doesn't fucking matter.

8:07
I've only got 2 Natty's left, so if this goes into extra innings i'm looking at about 5 bud light bottles Weiner left behind last weekend. it's not all bad. Nathan is in, as is that little weirdo Nick Swisher. god i hate him too. fag.

8:02
if you gave up and weren't watching, fuck off. twins try the suicide squeeze to go ahead and casilla shits the bed. next pitch he pulls a jock jones and strikes out on a pitch that bounced on home plate. mauer ruins my theory by bouncing to 1st with the go ahead run on 3rd, but we're heading to the 9th tied up. and the best thing about watching on tv as opposed to being at the dome? they don't stop beer sales after the 7th here. giggity giggity.

8:00
HOLY FUCKING SHIT

7:56
Jenks is in. with his blonde chin hair shit. fat fucking queer. he looks like a white, right-handed dennys reyes. i would sleep with gomez. 4-4 and pulls the twins within 1.

7:50
Harris lines a double down the 3rd base line, i swear if you look close you can see punto with a head-first slide into the batters box. they also just showed bobby jenks and he has a faggy blonde chin hair thing going on too. god i hate this fucking team. and did i mention punto is up, i hope he gets traded to the sox the day before their plane crashes into the engelstad arena during the sioux practice. oh and mark kiszla is flying the plane. yeah, lets go with that.

7:48
Breslow gets AJ swinging to end the top of the 8th, prompting guardado to flag down the hot dog guy and do his best joey chesnut impersonation. sit down fat boy.

7:44
If eddie guardado comes in to pitch in this game i quit. and i say that as he's warming up alongside bobby korecki. fuckin gross

7:39
did that just happen? 3 fucking minutes and the half inning is over? skippy couldn't even finish that quick after a couple beers.

7:36
Well, with one trip through the lineup left, Twinkies trail by 2. Derr is determined to get his average below .300 before the night is over going 0-4. he's ready for hockey season to start. Cuddy is in. and promptly retired on one pitch. down to 7 outs left and Delmon is up. after him, it's buscher, punto, and gomez. fuck me.

7:29
Crain still sucks. Oregon State now leads 21-0 at halftime.

7:25
And now Crain is in. Is it too much to ask for a liner to ricochet off his forehead and go right back to Mauer for an out? i don't want it to kill him, just cut off all motor skills and leave him a spit-bubble blowing retard in a wheelchair.

7:20
Mauer proves my theory right once again. runner on 1st, grounder to 2nd. make him take a pitch and send the runner. the chances of stealing the base is better than him doing anything else. even if it's eddie guardado on 1st, send him.

7:14
Gomez doesn't suck as much as he used to. And Chris Wise looks like a blind parapalegic in left. On a side note, USC is down 14-0 to Oregon State late in the 2nd quarter.

7:12
if i had to rate my 5 least favorite MLB players right now, i'd go with:
5. Jesse Crain - he's gay.
4. Juan Uribe - just because he's up right now and has that gay blonde chin shit.
3. AJ Pierzynski - No comment necessary.
2. David Eckstein - Crow-hops should not be necessary on a throw to first from SS.
1. Nick Punto - I hope he dies of ghonorhea which he contracted from a goat.

7:05
Boof is in. i think its time to put him on skippy's diet, he's been horseshit since he lost weight. and we all know losing weight is not on the menu at skippy's place.

7:01
Twins squander another opportunity. actually buscher is still up with an 0-2 count, but i'm gonna go out on a limb and guess failure. he's gay.

6:56
Kubel with a single to right. Bert breaks out the "dies in front of Dye" remark and thinks its clever as hell. i need to get to his level of drunk.

6:53
Damn Russel, it's like we're watching the same game or something. And Mauer continues with his "nobody is on first so i can get a hit" theory. up to .331 now. time for the silly canadian to earn those MVP chants.

6:50
Fat Mexican Part I gets Griffey looking like Jock Jones to end the mess that Guerrier got em into. And i got yelled at for grabbing more beer out of the fridge. what? like i have anything better to do?

6:44
Anderson out to talk to Retard. Hopefully he's got some pepper spray on him to take care of business. Nope. He's still in there. fuck me. I think the twins infield got hammered last night, Mitty and Hoover could've turned that DP. Atleast fuckbag is out now, enter Fat Mexican Part I.

6:41
Reyes is warming in the pen. Gardy got the message, but he's got the wrong fat mexican. i'll call sam and tell him to head down there and have a word.

6:36
well, we're heading to the 5th down by 3. Shitbag's pitch count is up there around 75 and if Guerrier was in the Sox bullpen, he'd be their go-to guy if that says anything about how shitty they are. so there's hope. except the fact that we still have guerrier on our team and he's got the game ball in his hand. somebody go kick gardy in the nuts and tell him to put in that fat mexican russel was talking about.

6:31
Twins aren't going down without a fight. Gomez with an RBI triple to left center, Jason Wise can't field good. 6-3 after a Span double that paints the line down left. Good thing Richie wasn't painting the lines, that could've been foul by a yard.

6:24
Well, the good news (if there really is any at this point) is it's early. We've still got 18, check that, 17 outs left this game. The bad news, we're down 5 and Guerrier is in. and he's a fucking bum. And there might as well be nobody in the stands since you could hear a mouse fart at this point. doesn't look good.

6:18
Guerrier is in. Maybe Russel was right to switch to the Office. This can't be good. Hopefully somewhere in northern minnesota our boy Skippy is having his way with some young broad. doesn't make the twins game seem so bad when you think of what that young lady is going through.

6:16
Fuck you Pierzynski! If you wear a fucking hockey elbow pad up to the plate and stick your fucking elbow out on an inside pitch and get hit in said elbow, i say you deserve to get kicked in the dick and you're out. and now the wheels have fallen off. shit just got real.

6:13
Matt fucking Guerrier is warming. Gardy must have a tee time for Monday as well.

6:10
Buscher is a homo. All of a sudden the Twins look like Micks Office on a Sunday at 8am. My pick of 5-1 Sox is looking better, but fuck. haha butt fuck. i need another beer.

Twins

9:10
I give up. The beer is getting the best of me and I am lazy. Might have some thoughts after the game or if something exciting happens. Don't count on it.

8:59
we have a dirt stache sighting on the bat boy. jesus h christ denny, shave that shit.

8:50
Big K for the Big Sweat. Twins get out of a jam without any damage. Hopefully the middle of the order can come through now. Man I must be getting drunk.

8:42
I'm getting bored. Probably gonna start watching some porn as well. For those of you that don't know, http://www.redtube.com/, is a gold mine.

8:34
Twins have made this abortion of a game interesting. 6-3 after 4.

8:29
Nick Punto must give Gardy the best head ever. There is no other explanation for it. In any other organization this guy is lucky to crack the starting lineup in AA. Not the Twins, though. There's your starting shortstop. Is Matt Tolbert hurt again? Did Brendan Harris play too well last night? I don't get it.

8:21
Guerrier in. Game over.

8:18
Holy shit. After this crapload of a 4th inning I might be devoting my entire evening to the Office.

8:00
Season premiere of the Office. My attention will be divided for the next hour.

7:50
This ump's zone sucks. Casilla and Mauer are out looking in my book.

7:38
I hate AJ Pierzynski. Pretty sure he crowned himself king of the douche bags when he bleached his hair.

7:30
Slowey is looking good early. All he has to do is last 7 innings so Mijares can come in. Where was this guy all year? Finally, on the third try, the Twins find a chubby hispanic that can get guys out.

7:26
Message to Ken Griffey: It's time to retire.

Live Twins Blog


6:00
Fucking Cabrera can lick me where i shit.

5:52
Seems like Mauer is money when nobody is on first base, yet no matter what the situation, you put a runner on first when he's up and you can bet the farm on a grounder to second. he's now leading Pedroia (1 for 2 tonight) .329 to .326 for the batting title. if anyone gets on in front of him, just send them to 2nd no matter what.

5:41
If i'm coaching third on Gomez' hit, i send that little midget and hope a collision at home knocks his ass out of the lineup. maybe call for a flying ninja kick to AJ's head on the way. win-win in my book.

5:36
I'm with ya on that one Russel, if he didn't work out, they were going to get Crookston's own A-Rod out of the clink and see what he's got left in the tank. I hear he once struck out 10 in a Cadet game on diamond 5. even worked with the legendary "Jehova" Jeff Heywood back in the day.

5:14
First pic from the dome, i'm thinkin sammy is in the cheap seats. and he paid more for one beer than i did for a 12 pack. griffey just got burned by mauer, what a queer. twins on the board 1-0.



5:10
First Pitch. Chris Wise flies out to Gomez. Good start. I wonder if he's related to the Chris Wise from crookston? probably not since he's black, but you never know. and i know his name isn't chris, but i don't know what it is so fuck off.

5:03
well they just showed that Dye hasn't homered in 95 at bats. i'm calling atleast one tonight from that fuckbag.

4:52
They just aired an interview with Ozzie Guillen. No idea what the fuck he said. I think i caught a "lawnmower" in there somewhere. who knows.

4:47
Ron Coomer is still fat.

4:37
Bert is wearing a Twins hard hat during the pregame, one has to wonder if he'll be spotted marching down Hennepin Avenue at some point chanting "We're gonna win Twins" I really hope so.

4:12
ok, sam just called and confirmed that he's at the game. i'll be getting updates from him throughout the night. off to the store.

4:05
Not like i need an excuse to sit and drink alone on a Thursday night, but now i got one. Twins vs Sox with the playoffs on the line. I got a 12 pack of Natty Light and 52" of beautifulness. I just got a picture on my phone from Sam, and from the looks of it he's at the game tonight. If that's the case i'll try to talk to him at some point and get some input from the Dome.

Anyways, giggity giggity it's go time.

Lineups Posted:

Chicago White Sox (86-71)
Jason Wise, LF
Mexican Cabrera, SS
Jermaine Dye, RF
Jim Thome, DH
Paul Konerko, 1B
Ken Griffey Jr., CF
Mexican Ramirez, 2B
AJ Pierzynski, C
Mexican Uribe, 3B

Minnesota Twins (86-72)
Denard Span, RF
Alexi Casilla, 2B
Joe Mauer, C
Justin Morneau, 1B
Jason Kubel, DH
Delmon Young, LF
Brian Buscher, 3B
Retarded Midget, SS
Carlos Gomez, CF



Thank god that little homo is playing short so i'll have someone to blame if the twins lose tonight. i'm heading to the gas station to get a fresh can of chew, hold the fort.

Pulling Rope

I found this young fellow pulling rope in the park. He looks to be a possible off-spring of Skid Row &
Mo-Town Maureen. Either way, someone get the young fella some clean up rags.

Pick the Score - Twins vs Sox 9/25/08

Enter your guess for the game tonight in the comments section of this post. Closest guess wins a pair of authentic Skippy Morlan boxers. They are "gently worn" and size (BC)? Boat cover maybe? Anyways, only one entry per person.

More on Brian Lee


In all honesty, you really have to hand it to Brian Lee. After all, he is probably the second-most successful man with Down Syndrome. As soon as Corky from "Life Goes On" takes a dirt nap, the title just might be his.

Real C-town gangsta's


C-town where real criminals do hard time for crashing buses converted into RV's into light poles, and after head straight to the bar.

Brian Lee Sighting


"You gotta make sure to cup the balls."

agreed

I agree this is a great idea. Anything that gives Integrenuity Windows more reason to fire Skip "Mayor of Pound Town" Morlan is pure genius. I was also able to witness the young Calf snacking on Big Mo's fur burger. While I did go blind for roughly a month after, I was able to spot one of the most glorious sights ever. No, not Maureen's flabby tree trunks wrapped around Skid's antlers. It was her polishing off a half-eaten sandwich she found on her morning garbarge rounds up at the complex. Speaking of garbage, has anyone seen Brian Lee lately?

Singlet Tits



Only a few posts in and i'm already thinking this could be a good thing. Don't forget to post pics whenever possible, just thinking about maureen getting hammered on a park bench has me all worked up. a simple snapshot would seal the deal on a few different levels. the best i could find was this undated photo with the following label on the back - "S. Morlan - HWT" one can only assume this is an old 7th grade photo of everyone's favorite carpenter Skippy.

The Crushinator

This is an absolute brilliant idea Doc, this will really showcase how retarded we really are. Well yes as all of you already know my penis is no stranger to the pink taco, not afraid to play hide the weiner every now and again, and yes Hammy's cousin was the latest of my victims, man I really beat that thing up. I made it look like a "ham" sandwich when it was all said and done. No pun intended hammy..... actually yes pun was intended. Man I look good in a singlet.

Work Benches

Speaking of work benches, the last time I captured skid row laying wood on the work bench was in the park shop. I happened to be taking my 9:30 am coffee/smoke break and reading a 1994 Playboy...monster bush, yes, monster bush my friends. No, i am not referring to the mag, I am talking about the bush of good old Maureen that skiddy happened to be snacking on at the time.

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249 u=4

Sorry, i just puked on my computer after having a negative visual in my head.
GO Gophs!

Why

In the event that I don't come up with a specific reference to it in my rambling, I'd like to mention the workbench right now so that I can add it as a label. I would recommend all posts reference the workbench at some point. (e.g. Skippy needs a new workbench for Christmas after all the HR tail he's been getting lately.)

Side note: This is where the Daily Big House Blog should have been - an actual blog site. Although that may have resulted in widespread publication and additional criminal activity/charges for me... All in all, probably better off with the email version. Maybe next time, though...

In other news, have a crappy Labor Day and I hope your house burns down.

Posting

Ok, it looks like i can invite up to 100 people to have posting privileges. since i only know about 20 people, shouldn't be a problem. feel free to put whatever garbage you feel like on here, and if you know anyone else who might want to have posting privileges, let me know and i'll add them too.

oh yeah, and we're having a goons n goalies league for fantasy hockey this year, where you only get points for penalty minutes and goalie stats. if anybody is interested, let me know. and skippy is gay.

Welcome to C-Town


Hey homos, I'm sick of having to go through a proxy blocker to access hotmail at school to receive Fee's remarkable commentary on former Gopher hockey players, and they haven't blocked bloggerville yet. so this is the solution i came up with. it might suck balls and get used for two hours before everyone forgets about it altogether, but what the hell. i'm not busy. and i tried to get the address to be http://c-town.blogspot.com/, but some idiot already took it. what the hell is Casa de Cartown - The products of a lack of sex? no idea. all i know is skippy has no lack of sex. he was busy laying the lumber to some innocent puss on his queen size workbench not more than 3 weeks ago. atta boy.

I'm hoping I can give everyone posting priveleges, otherwise just leave your gay remarks in the comments section.