Wednesday, September 30, 2009

2010 WCHA Final 5

Wade the Blade 4 Hobey

Ladies, it is that time again. I just received the ticket renewals for the 2010 WCHA Final 5. The package price this year is $160. I know there have been some discussions about moving to either a different area or possibly even a suite. I have not got pricing for the suite this year, but I believe last year a 30 person suite would'be been around $267 a piece. I know getting 30 people to commit to this would be one major obstacle as well as getting us poor bastards to come up with another $100 for the tickets. What does everybody think?
Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering Blazing That Shit Every Day sound bite

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Really Joe?? Really?

One pitch, YAHTZEE


Fuck him......nothing else needs to be said.

Let's Play Two

Well this is pretty much the last stand for the Twinkies. Although I've said that a few times already this season and each time they've failed and are still here today, so what do I know. Regardless, this feels like playoff baseball and you can't beat that. I'd be live blogging both games, but I've gotta leave for a couple hours this morning and won't be around for the end of the first game. Had this meeting scheduled prior to the game being called last night so there's really nothing I can do about it. Pretty gay, but I'll be bringing my laptop and hopefully I'll be able to pick up some wireless outside the building and catch the end of game 1.

So far so good I guess. Blackburn pitched around a leadoff double with 3 ground balls which is a good sign for him. Kubel just hit one off of Porcello's 'buttocks' according to Bert leading off the 2nd and now Cuddy is up. And there's a double play. Nice work dummy. We'll see how things go this morning and I might buckle down for some live blogging tonight, no promises.

Ok, so I'm still here and not only has Cuddyer bounced into a DP, but he just had a liner go off his glove that would've been a sure double play and gotten the Twins out of the inning, instead it's 1-0 tigers and they still have two runners on with one out.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Friday Night Live Blog

Waiting for the Twins pregame to start, happily watching The Office on TBS, when wouldn't you know it, the Red Sox / Yankees game is on next. Buck Martinez and whoever the hell else they have calling this game clearly have a boner for Jeter, and I managed about 3 minutes of them drooling over him before having to turn the channel. As for the important games going on tonight, we're looking at Carl Pavano throwing for the Twins against Robinson Tejeda and the Royals, and Jake Peavy is on the hill in Chicago facing Eddie Bonine and the Tiggers. First of all, Robinson Tejada doesn't have a first name. Real gay. Span is talking on the pregame show right now about praying to God about getting back into the box tonight, should be interesting. The Sox are a complete wreck right now, but with Peavy on the mound hopefully will find a way to help out the Twins. Games start in about 20 minutes, I'm gonna fire up the grill and keep pounding beers, hopefully putting on a real shit show in the process.

Twins Lineup
1. Denard Span
2. Orlando Cabrera
3. Joe Mauer
4. Jason Kubel
5. Michael Cuddyer
6. Delmon Young
7. Jose Morales
8. Matt Tolbert
9. Nick Punto

Couple of early observations:
1. The whole batting title batman thing has run it's course. If it gets back within 5 points, go for it. Until then, let's assume Mauer isn't going to go on a 0-20 run and will take his 3rd title. By the way, if he did go on an 0-20 run, he would still be ahead of the Seattle Chinaman by a couple points.

2. The homeplate ump throws like a girl. Fag.

Alright, picked up the Tigers feed after Pavano got out of a little jam in the first. I don't remember ever seeing Peavy pitch before, and the fact that he has injury problems is not a surprise. He might have the ugliest, jerkiest delivery I have ever seen. He makes Liriano look smooth if that is possible. They're heading to the bottom of 2 scoreless. And the Tigers announcer just said that the Sox were officially eliminated from the postseason last night leaving just the Tigers and Twins. Is that right? Hang on.......holy shit I just turned back to the Twins game and they're already done in the 2nd. Good work. Anyways, as far as I can tell, Tigers have 10 games remaining and the Sox have 9. Six of those games are against each other. If the Sox win out and the Tigers lose all their games, they would have the same record (82-80) and the Sox would've won the season series. So if my Minnesota math is correct, (and the Twins weren't in the equation) they would be having a one game playoff in Chicago. I guess you have to forgive the Detroit announcer, he is from Detroit after all.

Can anybody confirm the rumor that Notcho is now a proud papa?

My fucking grill is out of propane. This isn't good.

Glad to see Punto is hitting higher than his weight these days. He's still a piece of monkey shit, but I haven't wanted to murder him as much lately. And right on cue he's on with a walk. Way to go retard. I think he slid into first after the walk. They didn't show a replay, but I'll assume he did.

I texted in a question to Dick N Bert about Duensing and whether or not he will be considered a rookie next season. He won't, since he has more than 50 IP this year, but my intention was to get my name on TV and not gain any knowledge. We'll see how that works out.

Twins on the board 1-0. That girl thrower of an ump behind the plate kicks a wild pitch straight up in the air and Punto scores from second. Good stuff. Looked it up and the ump's name is Laz. Nice. Other game is still 0-0 in the bottom of 3. We'll look in on that one for a bit.

Back from that. Sox have 0 hits through 3. Promising.

Fat Billy Butler just tied the game on a solo shot and a girl fight ensues between two KC fans over the ball. Neither of them were girls. Both of them were overweight 40 year olds. Good stuff.

Cuddy with his 30th of the year to give the Twins the lead and tie Derr for the team lead in HR. Somebody obviously figured out how to mask steroids good enough to pass piss tests.

Update on the Notcho baby front. Apparently there is a little Jude Notcho who's going to be getting minors in a few years. Way to go Notch.

Also, Tiggers and Sox are still scoreless in the bottom of the 5th.

Good stuff. The man with no first name walks in a pair of runs. Twins have 2 hits and 5 runs now. And the Sox just got a two run homer from Dave Gordon Beckham and lead 2-0 in the 7th.

And Fat Billy Butler just hit another dinger to bring it back to 6-4. Gross. Sox are still up 2-0 heading to the 8th. My question didn't make it on the air, they picked some stupid question about well i'm not really sure, when mine wasn't on there i didn't really listen. And the Twins feed went out so now i have to listen to the royals broadcasters. they're talking about season tickets for next season. if you want the number, it's 816-504-4040. i'm sure they have plenty of good seats available.

Good news: Sox have a rally going against some chinese guy from detroit. Bad news: Pierzynski is up.

pop up to 3rd. still runners on the corners with 2 outs. these games are pretty much mirror images of each other. the sox have 2 runs on 2 hits, detroit has 0 runs on 6 hits. twins have a couple hits and 6 runs, royals have about 10 hits and 4 runs. crazy shit.

i've had about enough of this blogging stuff, it's starting to cut into my drinking.

Ok, i was seriously done, but Dick just said that the Sox were eliminated last night too. Normally in this situation i would assume that i was wrong and both play by play guys were correct, but it just doesn't add up to me. let's put some numbers down here and see what happens. these are up to the minute with tonight's tigers loss included. I'm not including the Twins game tonight because they still have 6 outs to get and Armando Gabino is warming up. Anything is possible.

Detroit 82-71 153 games played, 9 games remaining
Twins 79-73 152 games played, 10 games remaining
Chicago 74-80 154 games played, 8 games remaining

Let's say Detroit goes 0-9 and finishes at 82-80. I guess they have 4 games left vs the Twins, so we'll give those to the Twins and assume Twins lose the rest of their games. That would leave the Twins with a 83-79 record. Chicago wins the last 8 games they have, they finish at 82-80 and the Twins beat them. Please ignore all previous reasoning as to why the Sox aren't eliminated yet, they are.

Happy Birthday C-Town Blog

I'm not sure if C-Town itself is having a birthday celebration today, but I certainly plan to. This abortion of a blog started up one year ago today, and to commemorate that event, I'm going to plan a big bash tonight involving a dual live blog during the Twins and the Tigers games. Both games start at roughly 7:00 C-Town time, so this would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I had a dual TV system set up, but I'll figure something out. Anything is possible when you put 30 Natty Lights to your mind. Or something like that. Also if things go according to plan, when the Gopher game starts tomorrow morning at 9am AZ time, I should still be about a .1 and will continue the shit show with a live blog of that as well. You all know me well enough to know that I could get home tonight and drink myself into a haze before either of the games start and not post anything else for a week, but as of now that's the plan. So have a cold one or 30 for C-Town and however fucked up it sounds, root for the White Sox.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Gophers vs Northwestern

When these two teams met last season, the Gophers were ranked #20 in the nation with a 7-1 record. No doubt about it that ranking was well deserved after beating such national powerhouses as Northern Illinois, Bowling Green, Montana State, and Florida Atlantic. None of that seemed to matter, however, as the Wildcats came into the Dome and knocked the Gophs back to reality by beating them 24-17. The Gophs haven't seen a little number in front of their name since that game, and probably need to reel off a couple wins in a row in the Big Ten before they will again. I wouldn't put any money on that happening, but at the same time won't be at all surprised if they head into the Penn State game on the 17th with a 5-1 record. Regardless of all that, it's another 9am start out here in AZ and the Twins are somehow back in a pennant race which means my liver is gonna have to get it's shit together and be ready for an all out assault starting tomorrow afternoon and lasting approximately 30 hours. Fuck.

Oh yeah and here's the best picture I could find of a dead wildcat. You would think it'd be harder finding a "dead orange" than a dead wildcat, but that just wasn't the case.

One other thing, completely unrelated, but funny. In the class I'm 'teaching' today (using that term extremely loosely, like Moan J. loose) there is two kids whose names are Virtuous and Prisciliano. Weird names for sure, and the kicker is that neither of them is a girl. Thanks mom and dad, that's a normal name for a boy.

One from the Archives

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

A-Rod Jr.

Well, it looks like the end is near for arguably the most famous C-Town alumnus. A-Rod Jr. Has been denied on all his appeals and at some point will serve out his death sentence. I have no idea if this means later this year or 10 years down the road that he'll finally feel that sweet sweet poison flowing through his veins, but either way, it's coming. Here's hoping Spike TV can somehow swing a deal and televise this event, or at the very least we can all pitch in and buy the pay-per-view.

A-Rod Jr. was a convicted level 3 (just one level below our own Skippy) who pretty much spent his entire life behind bars. I'm fairly confident growing up in C-Town with no skate park at the time was the reason behind all this trouble. Imagine if this guy could've rode his stolen Huffy down to Central Park and ripped it up for awhile with his other Mexican buddies, we might not even know who he is. Way to drop the ball Park n Rec of the 1960's.

One other thing; if you look closely at the date on the mugshot at the top of this post, you might notice it is exactly one day before another famous C-Towner was brought into this world. God must've noticed the world was much too peaceful that day and unleashed a different form of hell.

Friday, September 18, 2009

The story of Jeter by The Onion

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Gophers vs #8 California

Well, the good thing about this game is the Gophs will still have a winning record heading into the Big Ten schedule next week. I fully expect that record to be 2-1, but what are ya gonna do? This one could get ugly, and I wouldn't be surprised if Cal puts up over 50 for the 3rd week in a row. About the only thing the Gophers have going for them is this is essentially a 9am game for the Golden Bears. Although if I can roll my dead ass out of bed and have an open Natty in my hand by 9am, I'm sure they can wake up and put a hurting on the Gophs that early in the morning.

One other thing, I read somewhere (Star Tribune?) that the new stadium didn't have cash registers at their concession stands for the opener. They apparently used calculators and cash boxes which resulted in unreal lines. I'm assuming they just didn't arrive in time and will be there this weekend, but could you imagine if Skippy rolled through there hungry and put a hurt on that place? It would take a scientist to decipher his bill by hand. Even the Cardin-Hunt arena in beautiful RLF has cash registers, what the fuck? If any of you queers went last weekend or are planning to go Saturday, fill us in please.

UPDATE: Gophers lose by 14, much tighter than I thought it would be, and much tighter than anybody thought it would be after the first 5 minutes of the game. I mentioned to Russel during the game that Callado is the Gophers' Nick Punto, just doesn't seem to belong out there. When you can't tackle and you can't cover anybody, you're basically Skid only shorter. Other than that idiot, they actually looked respectable, especially after getting down by 14 almost instantly. Decker would be a favorite for the Biletnikoff award if Weber wasn't constantly trying to get him murdered on the field . That TD catch today was unreal, and I'm still not sure how he managed to hang on to the ball after the hit. If he stays healthy, which seems almost impossible with the balls he's having to catch, he'll definately be a finalist. Also, Michael Floyd (Notre Dame) was probably the biggest competition for Decker and apparently he broke his collarbone today. Still not saying Decker will win it, but he'll be right up there at the end. And Floyd is a Minnesota boy, so he could still play next week.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Vikings vs Lions

Well this one will undoubtably be one of the hardest games to watch for Vikings fans this season. And I'm not even talking about the game itself, instead I'm referring to the broadcasting team FOX is sending to cover this disaster of a game. Ron Pitts and John Lynch are set to do the play-by-play and color commentary, and let me be the first to tell you to get ready for awkward silence and ridiculously obvious analysis. While flipping through the afternoon games last week, I happened to check out the Seattle game for awhile, and I honestly felt embarrased for these two nut jobs. I'm going to assume it was Lynch's first game broadcasting due to the uncomfortable welcoming handshake between the two at the start of the game, but holy shit did it just go downhill from there. At one point I was actually thinking how the lady who did the Gophers game a couple weeks ago was easier to listen to, and she was a female for Christ's sake. That's pretty much all I'm gonna say about them at this time, you'll fully understand within 5 minutes of kickoff Sunday.
As for the game itself, we should all be anticipating watching T-Jack hand the ball off to Chester the entire second half, but with Chilly at the helm anything is possible. It is, however, still the Lions and they're still rolling along with an 18 game losing streak. The Vikes are a 10 point favorite, which they should cover without a problem, and this one is about as close to a guaranteed win as you'll see for them this season.

Also, I am fully aware that I swore off the Twins for the season, and I still don't think they can sneak into the playoffs regardless of how bad the Tigers are trying to help. However......after a win today, the Twinkies sit 4 games back with a home series against Detroit looming this weekend. The Tigers are playing tonight and tomorrow against KC, which means Friday's matchup will have their division lead at either 3, 4, or 5 games. A Twins sweep would leave them at the worst 2 games back with 13 games to play. Unfortunately 10 of those last 13 would be on the road, where the Twins are 31-40 on the year. If they do somehow get into the playoffs, I'll be the first one to take a day off of work to watch a day game, but I'm certainly not holding my breath. Neither should you, unless your name is Skippy, in which case go for it.

Edit: Tigers won last night, but are losing 5-0 this afternoon to Greinke and the Royals. The Royals are pretty much the Lions of MLB, so you never know, but it definately looks like a Twins sweep will get them within one game of the Tigers after this weekend.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Gophers vs Air Force

First game in a new stadium, first time playing Air Force, should be a game of firsts, which I'm betting will lead to one dynamic drop-in after another from the broadcast team. The game this week is on the Big Ten Network, which should alleviate the female play by play, but we'll see. Anyways, we all already know that the first time somebody scores a touchdown Saturday it'll be the first in the new stadium, please don't feel the need to constantly remind us of this all day. Thanks.

Don't know much about Air Force other than they put up a shitload of points against some team called Travis Nicholas State that plays in a conference with Stephen F. Austin, whoever the hell that is. Regardless I'm sure they're real good and everything. So I was checking over these Air Forcers stats from last week and holy shit balls, they had 14 different people carry the ball for a total of 68 carries and 474 yards. Apparently they like to run the ball. I'm assuming this is even more skewed due to the fact that they were piss throttling Jarv, but their QB only attempted seven passes the whole day. Weber should have that many attempts to Decker on the first drive. Either that or he'll go the first half with zero catches, neither which would surprise me. Oh and one of their receiver's last name is Demerath, which is close enough in my book to hate him and wish harm to his achilles tendon.

All in all, the Gophers are 3 1/2 point favorites, put it in the bank. No way they lose to Wade the Blade and his gay buddies. Semper Fi bitches. Also just noticed that this post is rolling out at 9:09 on 9/9/09. I'm sure all these 9's mean something magical and lucky to Hindus or some other goofy bastards, so I got that going for me. Giggity giggity.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Gophers vs Syracuse

First comment of the day - Women should not be allowed in broadcast booths unless they are delivering coffee or blowjobs. I'd rather listen to the most retarded guy in the world (think John Madden) do play by play than any woman on earth. Hell, give me a monkey (or Madden).
Wow that's the kind of shit you're used to seeing the Gophers do. First snap of the game goes about 6 feet over the QB's head and it's Gophers ball on the Syracuse 15 yard line. And 19 seconds into the season the Gophs are on the board 7-0. This team is unstoppable. Where's the National Championship game this year? Who's wants to go in on a hotel room? I'm looking for tickets right now, you guys want uppper or lower deck?

Ensuing kickoff returned to the Gophers 15. God do they fucking suck. Is it hockey season yet?

Gophs up 14-10 in the 2nd quarter. Brewster just did his best Chili impersonation by challenging the spot on a 4th and 1 QB sneak. Yeah those are really easy to determine the ball should have been 6 inches further. Nice call. Not really impressed with Weber so far, and if I was Decker I'd be a little worried after being led right into a big hit twice in the first quarter.

Also I'm gonna call Sherrells will score atleast 3 times this season on punt returns.

All in all a pretty boring 2nd half. Gophers with one nice drive to tie the game with a FG and get a big interception in their own endzone in OT to seal it. Weber completed his only pass in OT and whoever is kicking now made his 3rd FG of the game for the win. Awesome. Dominating win over Syracuse. Pretty sure the announcers mentioned 3 times that they have won something like 10 games total in the last 4 years. Big win. Go team.

After watching Ohio State struggle against Navy and Iowa need a blocked FG to beat Northern Iowa, it looks like another special year for the Big Ten. Special like Robby Ringstad special.

Friday, September 4, 2009


I guess we all pretty much knew this was coming, but for those of us who were still hanging by a thread that the Twins could somehow sneak into the postseason, the last two games pretty much put an end to that thinking. After the 9th inning blowup Wednesday and losing to the fucking Indians tonight, I'm officially throwing in the towel. Gopher football starts tomorrow which means I've got a lot of Saturday mornings filled with drinking and I can't afford to be wasting whats left of my liver drinking during Twins games. Fuck 'em. All Twins related content will be removed from this website shortly, and will remain that way until next March. This being my final post relating to the Twins for awhile, it seems like a good time to mention that I'm taking up a collection to hire a mercenary to take out Gardenhire. I'm confident that this one move will result in a domino effect of positive events related to the organization (i.e. removal of the word Punto from Twins fans' vocabulary). Oh, and somebody needs to poison Billy Smith. That should just about do it.

I may very well do some live blogging during the Gophers game tomorrow morning, it'll be my first time drinking before 9am in quite some time so it could be interesting. Either way, time to turn the page and root for the next bunch of losers in line.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Random Thoughts

  • Now that Jose Morales is back up with the Twins, there is no reason for Mike Redmond to ever see the field again. I'm pretty sure Morales is Eddie Munster's long lost twin, so he has that going for him, too.
  • Brett Favre doesn't look right in purple, but I guess that's something we'll have to live with.

  • Why can't Adrian Peterson block anyone? Seriously, just get in their way.

  • Nickelback still fucking sucks.

  • With or without that flaming Spaniard, the Timberwolves are irrelevant.

  • I want to see Alexi Casilla and Skipper face off to see who can spit farther between their teeth.
  • Gopher football starts this weekend. Time to get our hopes up during the non-conference schedule only to have them come crashing back to reality when the Big 10 hits.

  • The Little League World Series is awesome, but it would have better if all the coaches wore flip-up shades and repeatedly yelled "rock and fire!".
  • College hockey starts in about a month. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty excited about laying on the couch and watching nothing but sports from Friday evening until Sunday night.
  • And finally, apparently this is what happens when you marry a 40 year old dude, move to Florida, don't work, and have nothing else to do besides life weights and work out.