Friday, February 27, 2009

And So It Begins...

Kangas is out. Patterson is in. Long overdue in my book.

Congrats C-Town Bloggers

I just want to say how proud I am of all you handicapped mofo's that participated in the section blogging tournament. We came out with first place ribbons and a quality picture to show for it. Now let's gather all the helmets up, hit the road, and do our best blogging to capture the state title. And who knows, one day we may even get to participate in the real blogging sections and not just the retard version.

By the way, Doc you might want to try some sun screen, you're looking a little "burnt" and not to mention gay holding onto Skipper's leg.

Vikes Get Jewwier

If you haven't heard, the Vikes traded for Sage Rosenfels at some point today. The only good part of this is that we won't have to watch Gus play in a Vikes uniform ever again. Well, atleast not until Jackson is hurt again. So we'll get about 3 games Gus-Free this season, make sure to enjoy them.

Rosenfels is first and foremost the owner of the gayest name in professional sports, and if it doesn't scream "JEW" then I don't know what does. Now I don't know for sure if he's a Jew or not, but it sure sounds like it. And the Vikes have the Jewwiest Jew I've ever seen as an owner, so who knows. Maybe Ziggy is secretly trying to field an all Jew team at some point down the road and this is just starting to lay the foundation. who knows. Jews.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Twins Preseason Opener - LIVE

Going to try doing this a little different this year, we'll see how it works and go from there. As for the webcam, couldn't get anything worthwhile on there so i'm scrapping it for now.

Top 1st - Pedroia lined a double to left center off of Perkins, but other than that no problems. Cuddy showed off his arm on a throw to third from RF and he still has a laser.

Bot 1st - I didn't even see who led off, one pitch and done. Casilla followed suit. DERR with a looping double to left center, looked like he got jammed, but he didn't. he's stronger than me. Cuddy follows with a walk. All this off of Wakefield and his knuckler. Kubel up now. And he pops up to 3rd base. gay.

Top 2nd - First mention of Red Sox Nation by the play by play guy. i hate every one of them. Promptly followed by the first K by Perkins. Not sure how to type a backwards K, but if i could i would.

Bot 2nd - Delmon leads off with a single. He's good. Buscher follows with a single, Delmon to 3rd. Nobody out. Red Dog with a bloop single and we're on the board. Delmon almost gave himself a concussion when he "slid" into home head first. Might wanna tell him to dial it down a notch, it's a long season. And a sac fly later from Pridie and it's 2-0. Ok, Casilla is up now, so he clearly didn't bat in the first. I'll assume it was Punto who got out on one pitch. Casilla with a bloop RBI single and it's 3-0. They're fucking unstoppable. Until this little homo gets up. I'm banking on a DP. Check that, Casilla steals 2nd taking the DP out of play. And then little Nicky fouls one off his own head. Don't ask how, but it happened. God he's a fag. Nick Punto 0-2, rest of team 5-7. God i hate him. Ok inning over after a DERR walk and cuddy ground out. I'm gonna give the live stream a go and see what it looks like. stand by...

Ok, we're live again. I couldn't find a good picture, but whatever. The twins are in white and the Sox are wearing blue if you can't decipher that.

Top 3rd - Not sure how, but there's 2 outs and Pedroia is up.

Bot 3rd - Wakefield is out. I could tell he was losing velocity off his fast ball right from the start. Seriously, he couldn't have been throwing more than 70mph. It was only a matter of time.

Typing is boring when I'm not drunk. I'm gonna try to set up the cam a little closer and broadcast the game that way. Again, no promises, this might be the best you're gonna get.

Well, that's it for tonight. I've got nothing but time on my hands tomorrow so we'll see what happens with the blog, but for now, i'm out and so is the live broadcast.

New Look for C-Town Blog

I have to say I'm kind of impressed with the new look to the blog Doc. I'm not sure where you found the motivation to update to a Twins theme, I know you're one of the laziest bastards I've ever met. And that says a lot looking at all the d-bags connected to this blog. I like the new banner too, you even found a way to emphasize the class of this blog by adding the Natty Lite can. Your feed for the game tonight, and all future web casts, better be flawless and in HD or I'll be sending D-Gordo down there to hook it up. Keep your jug of water handy...

Twins 2009 Preview – Doc Style

First and foremost, Russel is already questioning my opening day lineup, and I say go blow yourself. Not that I need to defend my decision, but I will anyways. I’m going to assume that most people, including Russel, would hit either Cuddy or Crede in the 5 hole. The only other person on the roster who would fit in as a number 5 hitter is Kubel, but that won’t work here. So, our three options for protecting the M&M’s are Delmon, Cuddy, and Crede. I can see all three of them in there at one point or another this season, but my biggest argument for giving Delmon the nod to start the season is health. Cuddyer is coming off a year where he played only 9 games after June and Crede played just 11 games after the all star break. Cuddy’s injury doesn’t appear to be anything that will carry over to this season, but you never know. Crede on the other hand could go either way with his back. He had surgery over the off season and only time will tell if it’s healed this time or if it’s just an on-going problem. Plus they’re both old. Old for baseball, not old for the earth. Delmon meanwhile was hitting .297 after the break including heating up in September with a .330 batting average. In other words, it would appear the sophomore slump ended early for him, if you can call it that. But if you take a look back, turns out he was just three at bats shy of using up his rookie status in 2006 and therefore was technically still a rookie in 2007. If you break his career down into 162 game sections, he finished up his second season last year towards the end of August. In games after that (start of his 3rd season) he batted .337. Keep in mind this kid is only 23 years old and a former first overall draft pick. I’m pretty sure he’s going to surprise the hell out of everyone this year; I’ll say batting over .300 with 15-20 dingers and should close in on 100 RBI as well. So blow me.
One concern I have with the Twins is the determination to pencil Nick Punto into the lineup every fucking day. This guy is probably a good clubhouse guy and services Gardy for playing time, but in reality should never see the field unless the Twins have a lead in the 8th inning and need to put him in as a defensive replacement or a pinch runner or some shit like that. He’s garbage as an everyday player and deserves to get kicked in the balls by Donald Igwebuike.
You can’t really argue too much with the 1-4 guys in the lineup, maybe Gomez in the 2 hole when he plays, but I think he’s a 9 guy regardless so we’ll move on with that. The other argument people have is hitting Mauer and Morneau back to back instead of putting one of the righties in between them. All you have to do is look at the numbers and you’ll see that it doesn’t matter one bit what side the pitcher is throwing from, these guys are gonna get their hits. Mauer hit .361 off lefties last year and Morneau wasn’t bad at .284. Your righties against lefties last season – Delmon .300, Redmond .277, Gomez .270 and it just gets lower from there (Crede hit just .122 off lefties last year). Argument over.
I’m too lazy and bored right now to look any numbers up for pitching, so let’s just say the twins are going to have one of the best starting rotations in baseball. If these guys stay healthy and consistently do what they are capable of, we’re looking at a staff that will rival the braves of the 90’s when they had Smoltz, Glavine, and Maddux. Not even kidding.
1. Scott Baker RHP
2. Francisco Liriano LHP
3. Kevin Slowey RHP
4. Glen Perkins LHP
5. Nick Blackburn RHP
Biggest concern for these guys is throwing more than 4 innings per night. They need at least 2 of these guys to throw over 200 innings this year to take some pressure off the pen, which was overworked as hell last season. If someone wants to look up innings pitched between the starters and bullpen last year go for it, but I’m going to guess the Twins had one of the worst ratios in baseball.
On to the bullpen, and still too lazy to look stuff up, so I’ll just say that the new fat left handed Mexican needs to be as good or better than the last fat left handed Mexican. And he was good when he was here. Not sure about Ayala, he seems like a bum to me, but I honestly don’t know shit about him so I won’t pretend I do. Hate Crain. Hate Guerrier. Hate Bonser. Hopefully either Humber or Swarzak can show something this spring and make the club eliminating the need for Bonser. Other than that, you’ve got the other lefty Breslow who was solid last year and Nathan who is a horse.
Before I end this garbage, there’s one other thing that drives me up a wall with Gardy; the need to bat Redmond 3rd when he gives Mauer the day off. Now we all love Redmond and he’d be a perennial all-star if they voted in a backup catcher, but come on man. Bat him 8th, do what you need to with the rest of the lineup. Problem solved.
Remember, I’m planning on doing a live blog during the game tonight and I’ll try to get the streaming webcam going as well. No promises, but that’s the plan. Peace Bitches.

*UPDATE* Bonser is out for the season with strained vagina or something. I'm not quite sure how today could get any better. Maybe Punto will be involved in a car accident or found to be a member of the Italian Mafia and be forced to leave the country, never to be heard from again. Keep your fingers crossed.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Streaming Live!

I'm kind of kicking myself for not forking over the extra $20 for a better webcam, but I also never thought it could be used for something as sweet as this. Anyways, here it is, you're looking at what I'm looking at...Live! Well, it might be live. That all depends on whether or not I'm on the computer and have the cam hooked up. I feel like a porn star with a live webcam. How long until Skippy asks me to take off my shirt and lick on my man nipples? I can't wait. This should make the live blog of the Twins game tomorrow a little more interesting, as you queers can technically watch the game live right here. I realize the quality is pretty shitty right now, but I'll try it out on the other TV and try different settings on this one and see if i can get something that is worth your time. I won't lie though, I lose motivation quite easily and I hate every one of you, so don't bank on anything. I'll leave this shit rolling throughout the Wild game tonight, and probably through the end of the Coyotes game, so if anyone is on here while I am let me know.

It's Twinkie Time

Well, it's finally here. Spring training. Twins on TV. The only thing missing will be Dick and Bert, but they'll be back soon enough. For those of you who aren't blessed with the Extra Innings package from DirecTV, I'm not so sure when your season will kick off, but I'll be sitting on my fat ass tomorrow night watching the Twins and the Red Sox in the first game of spring training. The only bad part is the game is on NESN, which means I'll be forced to listen to some east coast fuck with a horrible Boston accent drooling over dustin pedroyer all night. I'm not bitter though. The Gophers are in the middle of a really embarrasing stretch, and unless something drastic changes (kangas quits putting vodka in his water bottle or patterson performs a miracle) they're going to be done in a couple weeks anyways. So now it's Twins time. I'll be doing my version of the season preview at some point tomorrow. What that means is a half-assed ill-informed prediction of how many times nick punto slides into first and how many times jesse crain will snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. God i hate them both. Also, I'm fully prepared to do a live blog during the game tomorrow for those of you who won't be able to watch. Should be a good time. I haven't been drunk on a weeknight in quite some time, but i can't think of a better reason to break that streak. So be here tomorrow, 6pm C-Town time, I know I will. And as a preview of my preview, here's how the opening day lineup looks if I'm in charge of the team. I'm not saying or thinking Gardy will run this out there, but regardless...

1. Denard Span CF
2. Alexi Casilla 2B
3. Joe Mauer C
4. Justin Morneau 1B
5. Delmon Young LF
6. Jason Kubel DH
7. Joe Crede 3B
8. Michael Cuddyer RF
9. Brendan Harris SS

Where have all the bloggers gone?

Is something the matter? Did something drastically change since - oh, I don't know - January 9th, year of our Lord 2009? I don't get it. The posts from most of the C-town bloggers seem to be much more dreary. It's like the tale of two different two-month stretches.

I'm completely lost. If anybody knows what could have possibly changed everybody's level of enthusiasm on Janurary 9, 2009, please let me know.

My energy is up. I seem to be blogging at another level; destined for a successful post-season blogging run. A lot of you, on the other hand, seem beaten up. Embattled. Some would say you guys aren't even going to make it into the big conference blogging tournament, let alone the national rounds of post-season blogging. Still others are saying that you will finish the year ranked behind the bloggers of University of Alaska Anchorage. I'm not even sure they have computers up there!

In summary, I would really like to encourage those who are dragging to pick up the blogging a bit. It's a big deal, this conference blogging tournament, and it's not gonna be the same if you don't blog your way there. So pull your collective heads out of your asses, and start blogging already.


Friday, February 20, 2009

Chris Lagasse A.K.A Wade the Blade Demarais


Crookston man gets heckled at Wild game According to reports out of the Xcel Energy Center, fan Chris Lagasse(Crookston, Minn.) received a healthy dose of verbal harassment from a sizablegroup of die-hard Wild fans at a recent game at the St. Paul arena. Reportedly,Lagasse had to ask for security assistance from ushers in the second period ofthe Valentine’s Day game vs. Ottawa when a group of fans heckled the24-year-old graphic designer for tucking in his replica Derek Boogaard jersey. “My wife and I were enjoying the game when out of nowhere this group offans in our section started yelling at me to untuck my jersey,” Lagasse said.“They were merciless. They had half the upper deck chanting, ‘Untuck yourjersey,’ followed by the familiar ‘clap, clap, clap-clap-clap.’”

As if the bacon explosion wasn't enough

Click here to see some pictures of Skid's latest conquests.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Screech Sighting in Fargo

I heard a rumor that the one and only Screecher is going to be ripping up Courtney's in Fargo this weekend. Hopefully one of you queers is going tonight and taking advantage of half price night and $5 pitchers. I wonder if that MC that opens it up still uses the same shitty joke about turning off your pager before he introduces the comedians. What the fuck was his name? I can't remember, but he was gay.

I'll have what he's having

Check out this footage of a young doc after a trip to the dentist.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Friday NIght in Kato

I am not saying that I totally agree with Don and his I have been known to drink beer and yell at sporting events myself. However, I was in attendance last week at Mankato and it was a was like listening to doc, as he coahced skippy in a Saturday morning session with the BIG E to the P treee. I sat behind and to the right of the Minnesota bench...surrounded by retards. I will be the first to say that the Gophers sucked, their D sucked, Kangas sucked, their whole team sucked. It put me in about as much pain to watch them as Bucky H. was in the first time he contracted the clap from a young Jacob Reese in the shower.

What I think Lucia was referring too, was the inbread Mankato people sitting behind the bench dropping louder F bombs (than any of us ever have at the Final 5), yelling at everyone around them, throwing things at the bench, yelling at the players, and to top it all off, throwing numerous beer bottles on the ice. These people were insane, fucking idiots. I can tell you that captain jackass who works the aisles during the Final 5 would have had these guys booted in about 8 minutes. There were three guys in front of me who looked like it was their first time drinking, from my count, they dropped 5 to 6, 16 oz. bottles all while hugging like faggots and stinking of dirty mankato women's panty froth throughout the game. No lie, these guys stunk....get in the shower buddy. What topped the night off was the three dads from Mankato (i am guessing in their 40's) who got up and repeatedly would bang on the side of the U's bench and yell obscenities at the front of 5-6 yr old kids. I have posted a picture of those two clowns.

Lucia's Death Wish

I didn't care for Lucia before, but now I wouldn't mind seeing him dead. Hopefully his illness results in sudden death.

From the Star Tribune:

“And I think, to be honest, and I spoke [Monday] about it [to WCHA officials]. I’m probably being more candid, maybe it is the steroids I took this morning than normal. I think as a league – my own personal opinion is, I am not sure if alcohol is served at some of the venues is a real positive in our league. (Lucia is taking weekly IV steriod treatments for a nerve problem which causes numbness on the left side of his face.)

“I am a purist,” Lucia said. “I don’ have an issue if it is served in club rooms or in suites or in a beer garden. But I have an issue and, I think it lends to problems, when you got guys sitting with beer after beer sitting right behind the visitors’ bench. Nothing good can happen.
“And we have venues that you can literally sit and have cocktails all game long whether it’s hard booze, wine or beer. I think that is where some of the ugliness gets. As a league, I think we have to take a look at that.”

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

You think that's funny, Matt Lauer?

Check it out.

If you just want the pertinent facts, go to about 2:13 in, watch the guys whole statement to the private investigator, and make sure you get his name at the end. Then, you can fast forward to about 4:20 and check out the two douchebags.

Everybody on set seems to think it's funny, but I don't really get it.

Notcho... and proud.

Sorry Doc

Unfortunately for the young physician, here we have proof that his long lost love, nicky lauf, is no longer available. and what a loss for a doc. by definition, a rare beauty like that does come around very often. you just don't see sideburns like that on a manatee very often. i'd say i hope doc can move on, but we all know he is going to drink a bottle of morgan or one of his bastard cousins and forget all about it. Stay strong, Doc!