Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Thanks Ron

If there's one thing Gardy is good at, it's providing material for every Twins fan to have something to bitch about on a nightly basis. You all know who I'm talking about, it's no secret that I'm not a fan of Punto's. Regardless, some more venting about the little idiot.

Here we are again. Another day and another start for your gay little ass. Of course you'd be in the lineup after getting a hit in one straight game. In fact, you ballooned your average all the way up to .193 yesterday. Let's not dwell on the positives though, you also picked up your team leading 4th error of the year. Feels good to lead the club in something, doesn't it? And not to be outdone by yourself, you already notched #5 in the first inning tonight. Your 5 errors are over 1/4th of the total errors the Twins have this year. You do realize that when you lead the team in errors you really shouldn't be at the bottom of every offensive category possible. In the last 10 days or so, we've all seen you boot balls around, throw balls into the stands, get caught stealing, fail to get sacrifice bunts down, pretty much failing to do everything a "role player" needs to do to keep getting his name on the lineup card. You're a special one though, no matter how asinine it seems to put you in the lineup, ole Gardy makes sure it happens on a nightly basis. Now I'm not busy, so here's just a few more stats to help shut up the few fans you have left. And trust me, there are some. I hear from them everytime you get a hit, usually about once every other week. Anyways...

So far you have 26 total bases on the year. 23 hits, 3 doubles, zero triples, zero homeruns. Nice. The closest player to you in total bases is Jose Morales. Remember him? He was up for awhile when Mauer was out, racked up 53 at bats (less than half as many as you) and has 22 total bases. He also has no major league experience, yet you're considered a veteran. Act like it.

Ok, so you're more of a singles guy. When I think of singles hitters, I think of guys who must steal a bunch of bases to get themselves into scoring position. Think again, cockface. Your total steals of 4 this season are in a dead heat with none other than Michael Cuddyer. Granted it's hard to steal bases when you only get on base twice a week, but that should put an end to that argument anyways.

Pretty much the only other aspect I've heard people argue in your favor is defense. Unfortunately, the stats lead us to believe that you are utterly useless in this aspect as well. With your throw tonight that sailed over Morneau's head, your fielding percentage dropped to a pathetic .949. This puts your rank among shortstops at 68th out of the 84 players who have time at short this year. Jesus fucking Christ.

Timeout, you know who is at the plate right now. Let's live blog it.

Pitch 1 - called strike
Pitch 2 - called strike
Pitch 3 - ball high
Pitch 4 - ball in the dirt
Pitch 5 - ball high (got excited as it almost struck you in your mouth)
Pitch 6 - pop out to short

Typical AB for you. Nice to see you make the pitcher work a little. Nick Green could've caught that with his ball sack and it wouldn't have hurt, but you put it in play alright. Your average dropped a point to .192 and with a typical game you should be back in the .180's by the end of the night.

That's pretty much it for now, please do us all a favor and kill yourself.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Seriously, spontaneous combustion doesn't happen to humans, Gardy

Gardy, once again thinks that if a pitcher hits 100 pitches he will blow up, killing thousands. So tell me he pulls Santana after 7 shutout innings...right. So Thursday afternoon, Blackburn throws 82 pitches in 7 shutout innings, pulled for Mijares who surrenders a run. Slowey throws 92 pitches into the 8th, leading 11-2 and gets yanked Friday night. Tonight, Swarzkistan is throwing a gem and again yoink. Let's hire a manager that wears a uniform for chirst's sake.

And if the lineup from tonight deviates (save Kuebel for Boucher), Gardy confirms all accusations that he's a freakin moron. 37 runs in 3 games, Mauer stays in the 2 hole, enough...end of discussion and Punto was traded for a dog. They are having a lottery to see who gets to shoot the dog. I bought 2000 tickets.

Tid bit: Watching baseball tonight. The 1992 Blue Jays might have been the all time league leader in total mullets. Wow.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Yes we know him....

Your hooker's real name is Nick Nolte.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Anyone Recognize Her?

If any of you guys visited this hooker last time you were down visiting, don't bother looking her up in December. Apparently she was arrested for prostitution recently and died in prison yesterday. RIP Snaggletooth.

Trade Offers

With Breslow claimed off waivers by the A's I think it is time for the Twins to start shopping the rest of the bullpen around. Here is a package deal I would offer to any team in the league: Crainwreck, Guerrier, and throw in Punto just to get rid of that fucker. Any GM might balk (pun intended) at the high price he is likely going to have to pay for this trio. Little does he know they will come cheap. Bill Smith should offer them up for a bag of chalk and six used bases. Square deal if you ask me. The dome doesn't require much chalk so you could probably get at least half a season out of one bag and the bases give you some bargaining power. Six is too many? Fine, we'll take five.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Skid's soulmate!?

NEW YORK – Idaho resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family Tuesday when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire."

It seems that Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question, and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing "the absolute worst use of lifelines ever."

After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans assured her that she was ready to play, whereupon she was posed with an extremely easy $100 question. The question was:

"Which of the following is the largest?"
A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she realized that this was a question to which she did not readily know the answer.

"Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie," said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief and disgust. "I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be."

Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

"Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!" exclaimed Evans. "Darn. I think I better phone a friend."

Using the second of her two lifelines on the first question, Mrs. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant.

"Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!" said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. "Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun."

Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds.

"Come on Betsy, are you sure?" said Evans. "How sure are you? Puh, that can't be it."

To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice and pick 'The Moon.'

"I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I'd like to ask the audience," said Evans.

Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life.

"Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking," said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. "But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see. For which is larger, an elephant or the moon, I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer." Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath, and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'

Monday, May 18, 2009

It isn't real, Adam

This is our boy Skipper at a question and answer forum for a All Star Wrestling league after the legitimacy of All Star Wrestling was brought into question. You'll notice he uses "Jeff" as an alias but he isn't fooling me.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Holy Shit Balls

Gardy finally figured out you don't bat an unproven rookie with a .150 batting average in the number 2 spot in your lineup. Harris is there today, which means he'll probably go 0-4 and ruin my argument. At least Punto is in the lineup, looking sharp with his .198 average. One head-first slide into first for a base hit today and he's topping 200. Go Team!

Heading up to Prescott camping (drinking) in a little bit, but thanks to FOX and they're "nationally" televised game of the week, couldn't watch the game regardless.So if any of you queers is bored feel free to shoot me text updates. Or just shoot me, that would be ok too.

Sioux Nickname

Let me be clear, I want(ed) UND to keep the Sioux nickname/logo. But how awesome is it going to be when YOU have to try to come up with something more clever than "sue"? Trust me, it has been more than 50 years and the best thing you have come up with is "sue" let's not kid ourselves. You retards are probably having a tougher time than The Ralph trying to figure out what to do. The downside is that no longer will college hockey have the best nickname/mascot instead it will allow UND to beat the Gophers in football(ala NDSU). It will also allow for some pure comedy trying to replace the clever "sue". I look forward to the brilliant insults.

Just trying to make things clear and secondly that we have known for quite some time that the Sioux nickname would be retired.

Friday, May 15, 2009

This turned out to be waaaaaay too much work...

So as the current leader in the club house in “wow they have really let themselves go since playing (insert high school/middle school sport here)” , I felt obligated to give you my All-Metrodome Team. This is a team of guys that when you see them now, it’s a double take and, “No. That really can’t be him? Wow, what the hell happened to him?” Also, this is a fitting list for those who affectionately call each other, “Tons of Fun” “Skiddles” “Fat Boy” “Tubby” “Fat Ass” “Skidder” “Chocolates” “Skippy” “Slim” and any other fat appropriate names. And without any further wastes of key strokes, here’s the All- Oh My God He Got Fat All-Metrodome Team.

Kent Hrbek—1st Base
Ok, his rookie stats say that he weighed 200 pounds. Uh huh. Here he looks like John Candy in the Great Outdoors.

Al Newman—2nd BaseI really don’t think the “after” picture gives much justice to just his level of obvious indulgence.

Cristian Guzman—SSI get it, he’s not that fat now, but compared to the awkwardly skinny kid he was when he started with the Twins, yeah, you’re fat.

Scott Leius—3rd Base

And just because: Is that Tom Hunt?

Tim Laudner—CatcherYou doubled in size, screw you, you’re fat too.

Marty Cordova—OF I guess that could have been Widman too?

Matt Lawton—OF Skinny punk to semi-fat? Still has the label fat in it, fat boy.

Mickey Hatcher—OF

Notable omission: Kirby. Yeah, he got fat after the fact, but he’s still Puck and I still like him, too much to put him in here. RIP Puck aka “Fat Little Shit”—Noella Melbye

Juan Berenguer—RPSenior Smoke must have been up to something…something near 350 after he finished. Mexican food is damn good if done right, so I’ll give him that.

Eddie Guardado –RP

Everyday Eddie filled out his uniform more and more as his career continued on…and still does today.

Frank Viola—SP

Nobody “rounds out” the staff like Sweet Music. Really, really rounds it.

Note to Ron Gardenhire - Part II

Hey fuckbag, I hate you. A few suggestions to ponder as this season wears on...
1. Quit playing Nick Punto. He is a waste of fucking space. Enough said.

2. Quit hitting Matt Tolbert in the 2-hole. His average is actually lower than Punto's, yet he continues to hit between your two best hitters every fucking game. Hit him 8th and preferably on a rotating basis with dipshit from #1. Maybe one of them will have a sudden realization as to the desired outcome in baseball and get on base once in a while. When you have 3 middle infielders and 2 of them are hitting below .200, rotate them while keeping the one hitting .300 in the lineup. I know this is complicated, but if you'd like to sit down and talk I'll explain the difference between 200 and 300. Here's a hint, it's about 100.

I have to interrupt this post as Gomez is trying to argue with Texiera right now. Texiera looks to be giving it to him pretty good, and from the looks of it all Gomez could muster up to say was "Shut up!" If you've ever heard him give an interview after a game, you know he's not the most well-spoken person in the world, and I'm sure he was confused as hell and probably a little scared. Regardless, it was hilarious.

3. Quit pulling your starting pitchers when they approach 100 pitches. There is absolutely no proof that a pitcher will explode upon throwing that many pitches. You must realize that your bullpen consists of a pack of idiots who struggle to get anybody out these days and adjust accordingly.

4. Quit. Just quit. Walk away. Maybe get a job with the media, they seem to love you for some reason. You fucking dirtball faggot. I hate you.

I have a new hero...

From Down with Goldy:

Anyway, Brenden Harris has been bangin some UofM chick for a while now and when he does, insists that the doors be open so all the girls in her house can hear it (classy if you ask me).

Moving on, he's wanted and has been pressuring her like hell to have a three some with some other chick in the house. Well apparently this all came to a head last weekend (or two), said chick broke down whilst wasted, calling the cops etc etc. Harris now has a restraining order against that entire house. Or so he says.

God I love baseball!

I need another drink.

How this guy doesn't start everyday is beyond me. Punto's a fag. And a Communist. And part of the Taliban. Team America needs to fuck him up, mannequin style.

It's Thunder Alright

From the Forum website: "Nickname supporters in the Standing Rock Sioux tribe are seeking a referendum there but many tribal leaders are opposed to it. Chairman Ron His Horse is Thunder said he believes they wouldn’t issue a resolution of support even if their members did vote for the nickname." Fucking Awesome.

The Hangover

This movie may end up overhyped, but how can you not give 2 thumbs up to a movie that has a trailer featuring Mike Tyson singing Phil Collins?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Untitled Post

It's not very often the Twins experience victory after a Baker Blowup. These outings usually start with Baker flirting with a perfect game for 3-4 innings, then coming completely unraveled in a matter of minutes only to find himself being pulled down about 5 runs. A few innings later the bullpen has expanded the lead to a comfortable 8 or 9 and except for a 2 out solo homer for Cuddyer in the 9th, the game is over. Enter the Tigers. They somehow found a way to get the Twins bullpen two consecutive wins, an accomplishment that probably won't happen again this season. Bravo idiots.

Side Note: Everyone's favorite pole smoker went 0-3 today, 0-6 in the series, and is now comfortably below the Punto Line with a .193 batting average. I'm starting to feel bad for the little sprite, it's almost as if Gardy refuses to just let him walk away and get back to racing horses. I found this picture of him the other day. He just looks so happy

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

They were warned

The best part is when the ass-hat running the camera says, "The same thing happened yesterday, too."

Another one of C-Town's Finest

Man convicted of rape now living in north Fargo FARGO – A former Horace, N.D., man convicted of rape has moved to the area.
By: Brittany Lawonn, INFORUM

FARGO – A former Horace, N.D., man convicted of rape has moved to the area.
Adalpe Leal recently completed a five-year sentence for raping two girls in May 2004 while they babysat his girlfriend’s 6-month-old child. Prosecutors are trying to revoke Leal’s probation because he failed to complete sex offender treatment while in prison.
A hearing in the matter has been set for June 15.
Leal is currently living at 1315 1st. Ave. N. Apt. 6, according to a news release.
Leal is considered a high-risk offender and must register for life. He also has prior convictions for a 2004 sexual assault of a 17-year-old female in Cass County and a 1996 sexual assault in Pennington County, Minn., involving a female acquaintance under 15, the release said.
Tags: , , , , ,

Nice work Bean Dip.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Not Only Is He Terrible at Baseball....

But he's also a flaming homosexual. A simple pat on the ass is ok, I'm sure Joe has a sweet can. However, when you can almost see ass flesh creeping out between fingers and you're staring at
it with that look on your face, wow. I don't have video, but after 3.5 seconds Joe forcefully removed his hand and punched him in the ear.

Basketball is Stupid

So let's see.... Black girls vs weird religious chicks wearing dresses. Yeah that sounds fair.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Video Problems

Am I the only one who can't view the videos?

Or is this like the story about the emporer and his new clothes...

I fucking hate this man!!!!

Fuck you "Gardy"

This man could do just as good a job as "Gardy" a.k.a Shit for brains.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Thank God

Little Nicky is back in the lineup today, sure to rescue the team from their slump. Wait, whats that? You're saying the two games without him in the lineup they put up 20 runs? Cock suckers.

Saturday, May 9, 2009


If he is asking a question, my answer is YES.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Denny Hocking or Jason Denny from NAPA

I couldn't help but to tinkle a little in my pants when Doc made a reference to my boy Denny. Although he was no Jason Denny wearing tight baseball pants crushing softballs before crushing beers in the parking lot with the fellas back in ctown on Monday nights, smelling like a turd covered in burnt hair, he was still one gifted individual.

I wonder if she's single...

CLEVELAND - The woman who had the nation's first face transplant says it was the smell of soap that made her realize her new face was working.
Connie Culp also says she still thinks about how she looked before her husband shot her in a failed murder-suicide in 2004.

In an interview Friday with ABC's "Good Morning America," the 46-year-old Unionport, Ohio, woman said she forgives her husband, who went to prison for seven years. The blast shattered her nose, cheeks, the roof of her mouth and an eye.
Culp says she now feels great walking down the street.

She came forward this week at a news conference at the Cleveland Clinic, where doctors in December replaced 80 percent of her face with bone, muscles, nerves, skin and blood vessels from a woman who had died. -AP

Just when you think your life sucks, think of this lady and everything will seem fine. Yeah, it's mean, but it makes me laugh and I'm going to hell anyway.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

It Could Be Worse...

Well the last two games for the Twins really were depressing. A piss pounding at the hands of the Tigers, then getting beat in a rain "shortened" game last night. That shortened game lasted about 5 hours, although much of it was spent watching poker during the various rain delays. Also, I had this post just about ready to roll out yesterday, then this bitch who teaches next door had to leave school for some reason and you know who got stuck covering her class. So if any of this first part doesn't make sense, get over it. It was relevent yesterday.

Time for a little positivity. Yeah I know, not the route I usually take after a crushing defeat like that one. I was thinking about the Twins' next game against Baltimore, and how the Orioles are already 8 games back of the division leader in the East and have yet to play 30 games. As if that isn't bad enough, when they look up in the standings they're staring straight at the defending AL champions, above them sits the evil empire, one step higher brings them to the Red Sox, and alone on top of the division is the Jays. Good luck with that. Their season is, for all intents and purposes, over. On May 6th. Thanks for stopping by.

That got me to thinking; how bad could it possibly get for the Twins? Hopefully we won't find out this year, as I see them toiling along in the middle of the Central, maybe making a run for the division later in the year, but more likely ending somewhere around .500 and in 3rd or 4th place. Anyways, back to what could have been.

My inspiration for this little project came when watching the game last week and Dave St. Peter was being interviewed about the all-time Metrodome team. If you're not familiar with this, it's on the interweb at and you just pick guys from each position who played for the Twins between 1982 and today. So simple a Skippy could do it. The first thing that tipped me off that this was going to be a bad idea was when they mentioned Ron Coomer on the ballot. I realize Coom-Dog (not sure if thats his real nickname, but thats what Bert calls him when he's drunk) was an all-star one year, but that was due to the rule that each MLB team has to be represented at the all-star game. Needless to say, Coom-Dog didn't make my all-time Metrodome team. Neither did Roy Smalley, Todd Walker, Pat Meares, Mike Pagliarulo, or Matt Lawton. All these names are on the ballot for all-time Metrodome team, really skimming the bottom of the barrel with some of them.

Regardless, I'm not picking a good team. I'm trying to find a group of the absolute worst players ever to walk down the 300 steps into the home dugout at the Metrodome. Each of these guys was, at one point, the absolute best option the Twins had. Remember that when you check out the lineup. I repeat, each of these players was the best option the Twins had in their organization to put on the field for a major league baseball game. My criteria was only that they needed to have at least 100 at bats for the Twins, and only games played at the position in question came into play. Take for instance Al Newman. Newman had a solid run as a Twin; two world series championships, batted .248 as a second baseman. Unfortunately, his numbers while playing shortstop for the Twins weren't very good. He had enough at bats to qualify at short, and wouldn't you know it, he made the starting lineup. I also granted special consideration to my favorite little homosexual midget on this year's team. He wasn't the worst, but I fucking despise him so he made the team. Don't get me wrong, he more than fits in with this bunch of rejects, and would probably be first off the bench even if I didn't give him preferred treatment, but it's really irrelevent at this point.

So, without any further bullshitting, here's my Metrodome All-Embarassment Team...

Now I'd be more than happy to defend/argue any of these selections after a 30 pack of Nattys, but after the stats I'm going to throw on here, there shouldn't be any need. That is, unless you're one of those faggy types and have a crush on Nick Punto, in which case you are dead to me and your arguments mean nothing. Keep in mind all of these stats have been adjusted to reflect a full 162 game season.

2B Nick Punto 2004 - Current
.241BA 6HR 41RBI

Yup, he's worthless. And gay. And if you look at the picture, you can see what looks like the word "sucks" on his jacket. Only fitting. God I hate him.

RF David McCarty 1993 - 1995
.214BA 3HR 35RBI

I vaguely remember this guy playing. He also spent some time at first base where he also sucked. There aren't too many pictures of this prize out there, and not a single one with the Twins. Probably for the better.

LF Rondell White 2006 - 2007
.174BA 17HR 85RBI

Trust me, that's a picture of him. He always looked to me like a floating jersey on TV. He played before HD which probably explains that. I'm not sure how he made it two years with the team, but he did. And it was ugly.

DH Craig Monroe 2008
.202BA 22HR 81RBI

This picture pretty much sums up his time in Minnesota. Could've, should've, would've. Close, but not quite. Seemed like everytime he came to the dome for a series against the Twins, he was good for 4 hits and about 6 RBI. Then he switched dugouts and was lucky to put up those numbers in a month. Fuckin fag.

C Matt LeCroy 2000 - 2005, 2007
.171BA 13HR 44RBI

After spending 5 years with the Twins, he went over to the Nationals in 2006 and picked up a whopping 16 hits, and it was then that the Twins just knew they had to have him back. And don't forget while he was over in Washington piling up those hits, he was also allowing 7 stolen bases in one game. Yeah, it was a record. And he was pulled in the middle of the inning. Total package this guy. What's that saying about letting something go and if it comes back.... oh yeah he's fat and looks like Newquist.

1B Dan Masteller 1995
.237BA 7HR 48RBI

Not really sure who this guy is, but apparently he played a bunch of games with the Twins one year and really racked up the hits. This is the only picture I could find of him, which says a lot in itself. But wait! Look closely at that picture. He's playing for the Buzz! This can only mean one thing, after playing in the majors for one season, he went on to become a movie star! Major League 3 - Back to the Minors! Holy shit balls. I wonder if he knows Scott Bakula in real life. Either way, he's now sweet.

3B Terry Tiffee 2004 - 2006
.226BA 9HR 52 RBI

I remember this guy for sure, and I'm putting my money on him being a full fledged lesbian. Your name is Terry and you look like a chinese woman? hmmmm.... yup, lesbian. And if you are the proud owner of this autographed Terry Tiffee card, you're looking at a cool $0.28, I looked it up. Cha-Ching!

SS Al Newman 1987 - 1991
.208BA 0HR 34RBI

I loved watching him dodge line drives in the 3rd base coaches box. And by dodge, of course I mean taking one step, falling down, and rolling around on the ground. Don't really remember seeing him play much, although he reminds me of a black Denny Hocking type. This picture is from back in his playing days, and holy shit did he let himself go when he hung it up.

CF Chris Latham 1997 - 1999
.152BA 3HR 23RBI

Another guy I don't remember seeing play, but with those numbers, how can I keep him off the team. Batting 9th in the order is always something to behold, but when you bat 9th in this lineup, holy shit. Keep in mind once again these numbers are projected over 162 games. It's no wonder that when I searched for a picture of him all that turned up was a bunch of rugby shots. I have no idea if that's the same Chris Latham that played for the Twins, but either way, he was one bad baseball player.

So there you have it, the worst of the worst the Twins ever had to offer. Don't bother looking up the stats, they're legit. And they're listed below.

Top 10 MLB Managers

Just days after reading Doc's rant on Gardy (which I agree with), I stumbled across this article by Jon Heyman of Sports Illustrated.

I am posting this because I think it is time for sports writers to start getting death threats again.

Here is the link:
Heyman's top 10 Managers

Here is Heyman's list of top 10 MLB Managers:
1. Tony La Russa, Cardinals
2. Mike Scioscia, Angels
3. Terry Francona, Red Sox
4. Joe Torre, Dodgers
5. Ron Gardenhire, Twins
6. Cito Gaston, Blue Jays
7. Ozzie Guillen, White Sox
8. Charlie Manuel, Phillies
9. Joe Maddon, Rays
10. Lou Piniella, Cubs

I'd do him...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Twins That Suck, Part II

I guess this post really could be called "Twins that suck right now, but have a legitimate chance of having a good season, unlike the bums from Part I", but that's just too long.

Joe Crede better get it together soon or the one off-season move the Twins made could be a huge bust. He has shown glimpses of the power and clutch hitting he was signed for, he just needs to start doing it on a more consistent basis. At least he has been solid in the field. If he doesn't get it turned around soon we could see a lot more of Brian Bouscher playing third and that is a truly scary thought.

Alexi Casilla, you are not a switch hitter, just go up there and hit lefty all the time. You'll still probably suck, but you might make contact. Maybe. Fortunately for Casilla, Matt Tolbert is playing like Patrick Schaumberg in AAA, so it looks like we will be seeing Casilla spitting through the gap in his front teeth like Skid for some time to come. I don't know what else to say, but this guy better get his average up soon so we have the option of putting the Italian Stallion on the bench.

Michael Cuddyer is also off to a slow start and has gained the ire of our own Doc. But to put him in the same category as Punto is just wrong. Due to my extreme laziness, it took long enough to put Part II together that Cuddy has had enough time to put a couple good games together. Hopefully the trend continues and we can avoid a Jason Pridie call-up.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Note to Ron Gardenhire:

We get it. You like getting your dick sucked. And you wish to continue receiving this treatment from such players as #5 and #8 and apparently a good portion of the bullpen. I guarantee you could find this service elsewhere and at the same time win some ballgames. When the two above mentioned players are battling to keep their batting averages over the Punto Line, yet play every fucking day, something is amiss. Even that homo Brendan Harris is batting like .350 or some shit and yet he sees time once a week. Also, if a professional ballplayer not named Rick Vaughn walks the bases loaded at any point, let alone extra innings, he should no longer have a position on a major league team. Really Sad. Thank God I was golfing during the game and too drunk to figure out how to work the DVR when I got home, because that is fucking pathetic. I hope somebody kicks #8 in the ass when he's blowing you and he bites your dick off so you are no longer tempted to keep playing these "special" members of your team. In closing; you're a horrible manager and nobody likes you. Please leave now. You're making Chili look intelligent at this point and that's extremely embarrasing, not to mention hard to do. Fuck you. Bye.

Friday, May 1, 2009

What the Fuck?

I don't really get it, but it's funny. And there's a picture of Skipper. Apparently he goes by the name "Superbarrio".