Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Photographic Evidence

Ok, I finally got a chance to upload pics from the weekend from hell. Simply stunning. Click on the pics to see them full size.

And finally, the world's biggest moose captured on film...

Gotta love those city and County workers

This story reminds me of the time a dedicated, hard working, park shop emloyee almost dumped his mower off the wrong side of the dike. I am sure they used the name Mike Raymond to cover up the fact that it was really skippy who lost control of the machine as Mo town was sucking his balls dry...not to mention what she did to him on his own workbench earlier that day.

CROOKSTON, Minn. - A county worker in Crookston is in trouble after his snowplow ended up at the bottom of a frozen river.
Mike Raymond was working a graveyard shift early Monday cleaning snow from county parking lots. He decided to take his John Deere 544 loader on a side trip to clean off a boat ramp on the frozen Red Lake River.
Raymond says he wanted to make it easier for people who pull fish houses on trailers onto the river. He so happens to have a fish house on the river himself — but tells the Grand Forks Herald that's not why he wanted to clear the area.
Raymond's plans went awry when the $200,000 loader slid down the cement ramp, broke through the ice and sank to the bottom about five feet from the bank. Raymond called 911, and emergency workers helped him out.
It took divers and equipment until noon Monday to get the loader out of the river. Raymond's boss says he will be disciplined.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

8 Mile

Yep, just hanging out in smelly Detroit getting drunk, hoping not to get knifed tonight. Right now i'm assuming the c-town emergency room is chalk-full of retards who tried too hard at the alumni hockey. Hoping Wade 'the blade' Demarais is one of the many injured. Heading home tomorrow, of course i'll be on a plane instead of watching what i'll assume is the last Vikes game of the year. probably for the best. and then heading to the gophs game new years eve in tempe, i'm hoping to weird out some ASU broads. shouldn't be too difficult. also, i forgot how much labatt blue light rocks. they don't have this shit in AZ. it's money. once again, i'm hoping and fully anticipating putting some pics on here from last weekend, but we'll see how that goes. probably going to pass out in a snowbank tonight, haven't done that in quite some time, should be fun. roger dodger. i'm out.

Friday, December 19, 2008


I think I'm finally sobering up to the point where I feel like editing some content on here, but I'm heading out in a little bit to go play some poker, so it'll have to wait. I'll try to throw some pictures from last weekend on here tomorrow before we head out to Michigan for Christmas on Sunday. God have mercy.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


Beat 14, bitches.



PS: Let's get an update on those USCHO rankings, huh? You can't just freeze time when your teams doing well...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Googel search: C-Town Skipper, and see what it comes up with.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Blast from the Past

Digging through some old pictures the other day and came across this beauty. Looks like everyone's favorite village idiot Skippy was getting ready to throw down some buckets at the old CHS gym. I also personally witnessed him throwing down some Coors Originals at The Gym last night. He is already a legend in these parts, had an autograph party this morning outside the VA hospital and the line was wrapped around the block by 5:00am. God he's gorgeous.

Friday, December 12, 2008

friday night update...

For those of you who haven't been inundated with Skippers text messages the last two days, i'll give you a quick recap of the debacle so far. In list form...

1. skip's prescription deodorant doesn't fucking work. softball size pit stains aren't normal no matter what.

2. i drank an estimated 30 drinks yesterday. pretty sure this is low balling it, i'd wager i was closer to 42. and driving home from the wild game was a good idea at the time.

3. speaking of leaving the wild game, i can't say i left on my own terms. let's just say some a-hole asked me if that was my first time drinking and i took exception to it. next thing you know, i'm being removed from the arena for threatening some guys life. the only thing that saved me from going to jail was pointing out to the cops that my lawyer was present and he would deal with them. forget the fact that i was talking about russel and he was busy chanting about the wild's power play sucking.

4. did i mention that skip's pits reak like shit?

5. that's about enough for now, we're heading to the bar in a little bit. if i can figure out how to use a computer later i'll update. skip just mentioned he is planning on crushing some puss tonight, also called it beating up the puss. or vag. he's a real prize right now pounding red bull vodka. should be a good night. oh, and russel spilled his beer on me at the tilted kilt. dick.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Celebration....come on

Yes, the Twins finally made an off season acquisition. As Twins fans, we can now all calm down knowing that Nick "i lick sweaty balls" Punto will be back for two more years with the Twins. It is sure that his .207 batting average is going to help the team out. This guy has the same amount of offensive skills as skippy does on the work bench. Watching Punto play ball is like watching a young Matt Murphy, in net for the VFW Bantam team. Punto's smile in this picture also brings me back to the days of a happy go lucky Bucky H! Let's go Twins.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Ask and you shall receive...

Due to popular demand. Ok, just Melsh as far as i know, but he's pretty popular in his own right. Here's the tentative itinerary for the week:

Thursday December 11th
10:07am - Beav, Skippy, and Russel fly in to Phoenix
10:30am - Arrive home
10:45am - Drink beer in backyard, play beer pong
3:45pm - Arrive at Jobing.com Arena and begin tailgating
7:00pm - Wild vs Coyotes

Friday December 12th
Noon - Wake up
1:00pm - Golf
5:30pm - BWW or another bar
7:00pm - Bonfire at home

Saturday December 13th
Noon - Wake up
1:00pm - Golf
3:30pm - Funugyz or another bar
5:00pm - Gophers vs Colorado College
8:00pm - Salty Seniorita's or another bar

Sunday December 14th
8:00am - Wake up
9:00am - Arrive at University of Phoenix Stadium and begin tailgating
2:00pm - Vikings vs Cardinals
2:15pm - Skid asked to leave stadium
5:30pm - The Gym or another bar
8:00pm - Bonfire at home

Monday December 15th
???? - Retards head back to Minnesota

I'll try to update throughout the weekend, but there's no guarantee i'll be able to recognize, let alone use a computer.

By the way, the picture above could represent any and all of us at any point this weekend.
Hey Doc I am sure you are busy destroying your liver but can you give us an itinerary for the upcoming days of debachery and an estimate of how many rubs Skipper will burn through......for those of us who can't go.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

From Sammy...

Received this in my email the other day, after further review, i'll deem it blogworthy even though he was clearly sober when writing. what a fucking shame.

I can't directly contribute to the blog at this time due to more computer issues at Wiener's house (can you believe he's getting that computer fixed again). But I figured you might want to get the word out that the one and only Matt "Russel" Rust has been named to this year's USA World Junior Team. I think this will have a direct effect on his visit out to AZ as it might land him more puss to crush so he might have to talk to Skippy to get another pallet delivered before Thursday. I know it's short notice but we all know Skippy has the connections to pull it off. And the Gophers will be represented by Hoeffel, Schroeder, and Fairchild. Didn't notice any fighting suzies named to the US roster but that's probably because 1 of 2 reasons, 1. They're gay and America won't be represented by homos. 2. Their roster is made up of mostly dumbass Canadians.

Skipper Golfing Highlights

With the upcoming trip to Phoenix and the "golfing" that is supposed to take place, I thought I would post some highlights of the Skipper hitting the links.

Friday, December 5, 2008

1st Period = Wild Collectively Shitting Their Pants

It was gross. Some stats from the first:

1. Wild outshot something like 14-3
2. Faceoffs seem to be 11-1 in favor of the Nucks
3. Completed passes by the Wild - i'd say 1

I must've missed the press release when the Wild hired Marty Anderson to coach the defense. I won't be surprised if he suits up for the second period to help out the boys, he was an absolute beast back in the day, just ask Monty. Speaking of Monty, has anybody heard from that clown in the last 5 years? i haven't. the only gossip i hear about him is when i make my quarterly visit to court for various charges and run into his old man.

I really shouldn't be talking about court visits with the crew that's coming down this week for the Wild and Vikes games, it's not a matter of if, it's who and for how long. knock on wood.

Finally Friday...

...And no Gophers hockey tonight. Gay. On a positive note, the Wild and Canucks are about to start. And I've got plenty of beer in the fridge. Cory Schneider is in goal for the nucks, always a good sign when Luongo isn't playing. Didn't work so well last time for the Wild when the other backup (can't remember his name, but he's gay) was playing, but i'm thinking the Wild will take their chances with this douche bag.

Sheppard and Kessler duking it out in the first 30 seconds, and Kessler seems to like punching helmets. I'll give this one to Sheppard in a split decision, if he didn't have a helmet on the entire fight he'd have a headache, but he should be fine.

Gonna have to kill some nattys for this one, i'm not afraid to take one for the team. This could lead to more posting, or could lead to more drinking. maybe both.

If nothing else, only 6 days until the biggest assault on my liver in quite some time. If i'm nothing else, i'm prepared for this.

Also, if anybody knows what Beav's story is, please share. Haven't heard from him since he said he mailed out a check for his vikings ticket 3 weeks ago. either the mail is really fucking slow, or beav is a space cadet. or both.

ok, enough typing, it's drinky time.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Check 1, Check 2

I've really got nothing. Just wanted to make sure this thing still worked. It does. System check complete. And Skippy is coming to visit next week. I'll make sure to stock up on twinkies and moon pies.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

What about....

It's great to see that this little project of the PhD is gaining such wide readership. I thought I would add on to the final five stories. I guess I instigated this story by trying to take a nap. I know, I know, who naps at the final five? Well, I didn't skip a game to go to a girls high school basketball game, so you can all lick my taint. Anyway, I was trying to catch up on a few zzzs, when none other than Magic, who I barely knew, decided to wake me up by jumping on the bed. While he did succeed in waking me up, he also succeeded in falling off the bed and almost breaking his ankle. If he wasn't so numbed up from being at a .230 for 3 days straight, that probably would have hurt. I truly enjoyed watching him hobble around for the rest of the weekend. And climbing trees in front of the hotel.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Top Five at the Five

5. Hammer corrects himself.

"I said blind people can't read."

Good attempt, but both me and the West African cab driver clearly heard you assess the illiteracy of African Americans as a whole.

4. A new nickname is born.

Adam Morlan, after devouring a pizza in record time, takes some flak from Rusty and I for his mass consumption and free-style rapping on the way home in the cab. Most likely due to tomato sauce stuck in his hear, he thinks Rusty refers to him as "skip".

"Did you just call me Skip?"

"No, but I am going to now."

3. Magic draws the line.

Thompson, despite Skipper's obvious interest, turns away a female craving sexual attention for the first time on record. Skid may argue he was not intrigued by this hail-damage-sporting wildabeast, but if that is true, then why, oh why, were you fingering your belly button?

Magic, bum ankle and all, decides it's time to leave, and kindly pushes the lady out of the room mid-conversation and slams the door behind her.

2. Two birds with one stone.

This of course is Feever's double whammy.

"I don't want to kick you out, but you gotta stop spilling your drink and swearing."

Drops his drink. "Oh fuck."

Don't worry Feever, at least you were wearing that cool I got tanked at Mandalay Bay t-shirt... all weekend.

1. Going to the well one too many times.

I mean the stairwell, of course. No matter how many times we were warned by the Nazi security guard... No matter how many guys we saw him beat to within an inch of their lives for their insubordinance... We smoked in the stairwell repeatedly. I believe it was Saturday night at about 4am, and we needed one more heater. One too many. He enters the stairwell, we flee to floor seven. He follows. Busts open our door. I'm laying the wrong way on a bed pretending to sleep. He's not fooled. As he's giving me the business, I'm acting apologetic and trying to locate Feever. Oh, there he is. Standing behind the door, seven inches away from the Nazi... still smoking.

Dishonorable mention: The triple helicopter. You people know who who are. Be ashamed.

A Team Named Sue

Updating the USCHO rankings today, and them indians from north dakota no longer have a number in front of their name. That makes me giggle. That got me to thinking about how bad the final five is going to suck for Feever with nobody to cheer for. Also got me thinking back to the good ol days when a trip to the final five didn't involve a flight and was a yearly occurance. Ah, the memories. Here's my top 5 that i can remember. Keep in mind i was blackout drunk the majority of the time spent there, so these might not be accurate. Also, if i leave any out, feel free to add your own. I also have a couple other stories, but i can't remember if they happened during final five or at the state high school tourney, so i'll leave them off the list. we'll consider these honorable mentions; Greens picking his nose on the jumbotron, freddy throwing a beer bottle right through the hotel window, russel getting his jacket stolen from inside the ghetto hotel room, and yours truly getting cut off at a bar. it may or may not have been noon as previously reported by Hammy, i can't seem to remember the details. anyways, here's my top 5 final five stories:

5. Barry Bergan at some bar down the street from the X. If you haven't seen BB put on a show, you don't know what you're missing. Not to mention the fact that he was accompanied by Wade "the blade" demarais. There's a guy i miss. Anyways, Barry was stumbling drunk and wanted to know which titty bar was the best to get some "extra attention". He had collected about 30 of those strip club cards they hand out on the street and was flipping through them asking which one i thought he should go after. The guy is a legend.

4. Jimmy Johns. No real story here, but my god were they delicious at 2am. And i'm pretty sure Skippy had sex with his sandwich on TK's floor.

3. Riding the dueling zambonis with Beav. This also isn't much of a story, mainly because none of you other fuckers were at the arena yet when we did it. It was still pretty sweet. Also, i need to include the 94 times the Curlett was on the jumbotron. I swear to god he was sucking off the camera guy because he was up there every other stoppage. Fag.

2. Feever! Here's a bit of advice for anybody going to the X for any event: If the usher/security guy tells you to stop swearing and stop spilling your drink, don't do the following. Feever says he's sorry, won't happen again, proceeds to stumble a bit, spills his drink damn near on the guy's foot, then says something to the effect of "oh fuck i'm sorry" needless to say he was not around for the end of that game.

1. The mother of all Final Five stories, hands down number 1. We were all witness to the only person to ever have a full ciggy inside the Xcel Energy Center. Let me set the stage here, Sioux vs Gophers, jam-packed arena, we're at the bar row more than likely hammered as shit. Some old dude walks up behind us with his nachos in hand, cheese all over his shirt, and sits down in the lounge chairs behind us. Nothing unusual there, those are some sweet chairs. Game is underway, and the son of a bitch old man decides to take a fucking nap (read: pass out). I don't remember exactly when it was when he came to, but i know he slept through a couple goals, which equals loud as you can imagine in there. Fucker wakes up, kind of looks around as we're all laughing our drunk asses off at his perplexed look. He then reaches down and has a nacho, spills more cheese on himself, then did something legends are made of. He pulls out a box of ciggys, casually lights one up and smokes it. Not a hurried drag or a power drag, but he takes his time and enjoys every last drag. Not once during this does any security personnel approach him, nobody seems to be able to grasp what he was doing. When he finished his smoke, he put it out in his nacho cheese, got up, and went on his way like nothing happened. I'm pretty sure he was getting ready for warmups to start, not knowing he slept through most of the fucking game. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I'm drunk

not much to report at this point. i've switched from natty light to red bull vodkas so give it an hour or so and we should have some fun.

in case you weren't watching the gophs hockey game last night; weiner got a shout out from wooger during the game. it was money. the garage is now a certified something. not sure what, but it's sweet.

if wisconsin (football) loses to cal poly tech (they're down 29-21 with 6 minutes to go) the gophs are coming to tempe for the insight bowl. maybe. not sure. but it helps. probably. maybe not. i don't know. i'm drunk.

*EDIT* Badgers won in OT. unreal. ok, not so unreal, but still gay. gophs are down 13-0 to Iowa in the 2nd, probably headed to the Texas Bowl. dumb.

*EDIT #2* holy fucking shit. gophs lose 100-0. go to texas or florida or detroit. fags.

Friday, November 21, 2008

What the Fuck is Denver's Logo?

I understand that Denver's mascot is a Pioneer. But seriously, what is this? Is it a chicken? Is it Skid's drawing of a menstruating vagina? Who knows. What I know is Denver got swept by JBSU last week. That means that either they aren't very good or they played like dog shit last week. DU was picked to finish 2nd in the WCHA, so I am going to guess they had an off week. They have a bunch of good players, but I can't spell any of their names. I think Joe Bozyk might play for them. The good thing is that Peter Mannino doesn't play for them anymore. Instead, I think they are playing Tim Cheveldae. He wasn't good ten years ago, and he's not good now.

Minnesota comes in as the #1 rated team in the nation. It's November, so polls don't mean a whole lot, but it's better to be a fan of #1 than to be a fan of green and black (fun fact: UND's official school colors are pink and green). Minnesota's first line of Stoa, Schroeder, and Barribal has produced all year and this week should be no different. The rest of the line up needs to start contributing. Look for tDon to mix up the lines a bit in order to try and generate some offense. Minnesota's D has to keep doing what they've been doing all year, tight in their own end and get the puck out of the zone. You will also see more of the same from Alex Kangas, who is coming off his first WCHA shutout.

I think the Gophers might be catching DU at the right time and might be able to pull out a sweep, but the thin air might get to them, so a split is more likely.

Sidenote: Canadians smoke Players, not Parliaments.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Télévision Canadienne

Après le fait de regarder la nourriture canadienne pour le jeu Sauvage ce soir, je déteste le Canada plus que jamais. Oubliez le fait que le Sauvage a perdu à Curtis baisant Sanford, le hosers l'action du jeu était le plus grand homers que je voyais jamais .

To sum up the gibberish above, the Wild got beat by Curtis Fucking Sanford tonight. And i have never hated Canada more. The only good thing about watching a hockey game from a Canadian feed is the commercials. No saved by zero bullshit, no subway, no brett favre, simply beer and hockey. Other than that, they are a bunch of retarded eskimos. The between period commentators actually made this comment after the first period: "the Canucks probably risked playing Sanford tonight since the Wild are only going to get a half dozen shots on goal per period at the most." Quick fact: shots after 1 period - Wild 9, Canucks 8. Now don't get me wrong, i'm sure this guy was pounding Kokanees throughout the period and probably took a few breaks for a parliament (no offense russel), but really? you honestly think they sat the butler from mr. deeds because the Wild don't take many shots on net? really? it sounded like widman trying to argue about how good the bears are. absolutely brutal. now the commentators during the game realized early on that the reason they started the retard was simply because luongo played last night, but the guys between periods, not so much. getting back to the commentators during the game, they weren't anything to write home about either. What happened to the guy the canucks used to have call their games who also provided the voice for every NHL game on X-box over the years? he was money. used to make real games feel like we were sitting at the old duplex in forks watching fee run up the score on latvia or some such shit.

keep your eyes open for some money posts saturday. the warden is hosting a michigan/ohio state party and while normally i couldn't give two shits less about that, the game starts at 10am arizona time so i'm in for another full day of drinking. i'm going to try to steer clear of the sailor jerry as long as possible, but we all know how that will play out.

also, taking a puck to the head is no excuse for not posting a gopher puck preview. god knows none of us wants to read any type of anything from skippy, but he's been pining for a chance to be the go-to guy for gopher hockey on here. we all know how that will go. well if not, here's how i see it...

Gophs match up well with the Denver Tigers this weekene.d. i probly wont see much of the game since ill be hammering away at some rookie puss all night, but they should probably sweeeeeeeeeeep! thats right, you heard it here first, 6 points for the gophs this weekend. and wtf und? the suzies are gay! hahahahaha lol skippy out

gave me crabs just typing that. or maybe it was hammy's mom, i can't remember. don't let us down russel.


Goalie Skates- $500

Glove and blocker- $400

Leg Pads-$700

Helmet- $300

Trip to the E.R. to get stitches for taking off your mask while skating off the ice after warm ups and getting blasted with a puck about $4,000 but still PRICELESS!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Doc's role model!

We've all heard about the story that Wade Boggs drank a million beers on a cross-country road trip. Here's the actual story from an interview with Jeff Nelson (one of his former teammates) on the radio...not to mention the revelation that the Hawk was quite the ladies man. It's genius:
I heard the legendary story over my car radio as I was heading down I-5 to work about a year ago, listening to Mitch in the Morning on 950 KJR, as usual. For some reason or another, Mitch was gone that day so Steve Sandmeyer was hosting the show, and former Mariners and Yankees pitcher Jeff Nelson was sitting in as his sidekick.
Sandmeyer was killing some time by making small talk about baseball and about Nelly's career and exploits as a major leaguer. The conversation turned to some of the funniest things Nelly had seen in his career when Sandy asked something like "who was the best with the ladies out of everyone you were around in baseball?" Nelson said that it was tough to say for sure, but that he figured it was probably Andre Dawson, the former Expos, Cubs, Red Sox, and Marlins slugger.
The two shared a laugh about the Hawk's game, and then Sandmeyer stumbled upon the most compelling question ever articulated in an interview: "who would you say drank the most beer out of everyone you ever played with?" The following colloquy sheds some light on one of drinking's biggest stars and on one of the greatest drinking feats of all time.

Sandy: Who would you say drank the most beer out of everyone you ever played with?
Nelson: Easy, Wade Boggs.....easy
Sandy: (laughing) Really!? Wade Boggs?
Nelson: Oh, yeah, without a doubt. I've never seen anyone drink as much beer as he did in my life:
Sandy: (laughing) Get outta here, alright, give me an example, like how much did he drink?
Nelson: Oh, I'd say, on a typical road trip, east coast to west coast [Nelly played with Boggs on the Yankees], say a road game to Seattle......Wade would drink anywhere between 50 and 60 beers.
Sandy: NO WAY!! 50 or 60 beers. That is impossible.
Nelson: No, I know...I know how crazy that sounds, and I wouldn't believe it myself unless I saw him do it.....numerous times. And he drank nothing but Miller Lite.
Sandy: How in the hell did he have time to drink that many beers. For God's sake, how many times did he have to go to the bathroom?

Nelson: I'm not kidding you Steve. Seriously. Wade was the kind of guy who was always the first one at the club house. So he'd get to the clubhouse, and he'd bring a six pack with him. He'd be there drinking a beer when someone showed up, and as we were all packing our stuff up out of our lockers and getting our bags ready for the trip, Wade would sit there and drink that whole six pack.
Now, at the time, we were flying out of New Jersey, so it was somewhat of a drive from Yankee stadium to the airport in New Jersey. Wade would drink another couple of beers on the bus to the airport. At the time, we were flying this older airplane, it couldn't make it across the country without refueling, and it wasn't the fastest airplane in the sky. So we would stop in North Dakota or something. Wade would drink about a half rack between New Jersey and North Dakota, and it would take about a half-hour to an hour to refuel once we got there, so he'd have a few more beers while we were grounded in North Dakota.

Once we got back up in the air, Wade would drink another 10, 11, 12 beers on the way out to the west coast. The whole flight from coast to coast ususally took us well over 7 hours. We'd touch down at Sea-Tac, hop on the bus headed to the Kingdome, and Wade would have another beer or two on the bus. Then, all of us would get to the Kingdome and unpack our bags and sit around and BS with eachother, and Wade would have a beer in his hand the entire time. He was always one of the last people to leave the club house too. So I'd say that all in all, he drank over 50 beers on the trip, and this wasn't just an isolated incident, he did that almost every time.

Sandy: Unbelievable. That's absolutely unbelieveable.
Nelson: Yeah, I know, I'm not kidding though, let's call up somebody and they'll tell you man, they'll tell you I'm not lying.
Sandy: Alright, who should we call up. Let's take a commercial break, and then we'll call up somebody and see if we can't get to the bottom of this....This is absolutely amazing.
[commercial break: When the commercial end, Paul Sorrento, a former Mariner and Devil Ray, and Boggs's and Nelly's former teammate, is on the phone]
Nelly: Hey Paul, good to hear from you man, I haven't talked to you in a while.
Sorrento: Yeah, what's it been like, two, three years?
Nelly: Yeah. Hey, Paul, just to clarify now, I didn't speak to you over the commercial break, and I haven't talked to you about anything since we last talked a few years ago right?
Sorrento: Yeah, right.
Nelly: Alright Paul, we've been talking about Wade Boggs up here today in Seattle.
Sorrento: (laughing) Yeah, ole Wade huh.
Nelly: Yeah, alright Paul, I need you to answer one question for me, truthfully now....How many beers would Wade Boggs drink on an east coast to west coast road trip?
Sorrento: Oh, jeez, (exhaling like a flat tire) I don't know, like 70.
Nelly, Sandberg, Sorrento, Hank: (Rolling on the ground laughing)

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Adventures of BloodNinja

Bored at work today so I was going through old email and came upon this. Most of you remember this from a few years ago.


I put on my robe and wizard hat.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Disappointment Saturday?

Can the Wild save what has otherwise been a rather disappointing day? I'm guessing not. After the Gopher hockey team managed to piss a two goal lead away, the Gopher football team managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. How gross. I think the Wooger had the right idea by being blitzed by 12:45. Something tells me the Wild aren't going to be able to pull this one out. With any luck they will at least manage a point before trapping in OT and choking in the shootout.

Kick in the Dick

As Russel noted in a text message, Cade Fairchild needs to learn that a puck absolutely cannot travel through a human being. Pass it, put it deep, move your ass, just don't shoot it directly into the man standing directly in front of you. We're not talking about Basil McRae blocking shots here, this is a member of the Michigan Tech Huskies. Gay. All in all a pretty shitty start to Saturday sports. Guess i'll just have to drink more.

On a positive note, the Gophers football team is whipping Wisconsin 21-7 right now. If everything goes according to plan, we'll be watching the Gophs in Tempe December 31st in the Insight Bowl. giggity giggity.

Nice Little Saturday

I woke up this morning to our neighbors screaming obsenities at each other in the street. If it wasn't 6am i probably would've grabbed a cold one and pulled up a lawn chair. Honestly, how can you kick off a weekend better than that? now i'm staring straight in the face of Gopher Hockey at Noon, Gopher Football at 1:30, then the Wild play at 6:00. Probably going to start drinking before too long, which might lead to more posting or might lead to more drinking and a little slice of blacking out. I really could go either way on this one. Either way, i'm not complaining. By the way, the cartoon at the top was stolen straight from GPL, and it pretty much sums up how i feel every Saturday morning around this time when you know who sees me crack a beer and gives me that look.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

alaska anchorage is bound to win one of these games

I thought everyone would like to read another rousing edition of the Sioux Hockey Weekend Preview, starring yours truly, who, unlike some gopher enthusiasts in the media, is not on the crack-rock. Anyway, I'll jump right into it. The Sioux will win the first game 2-1 in a shit-show, then come back for the second night to be blown out 11-2, because that's what they do apparently.

That may sound somewhat negative from a fan, but, in the words of Russell, I have been brought down a peg by the early WCHA action. As if that wasn't enough, the lack of criminal activity from the young Canucks on the team is killing my spirits. It's one thing to be bad, it's another to not piss in elevators after a loss. That's just plain unacceptable. I mean, if I lose to Wisconsin after being up 3 going in to the third at home, somebody's minivan is getting stolen and rammed into the side of El Rocco Nightclub. That's just the way shit goes down. I keeps it real like that. Anyway, you have my pessimism and my predictions.

Free Puffy!

I Fear for the Children of Peoria, AZ

You really have to wonder about the public school system in Peoria, AZ. They let this "man" "educate" their children on a semi-daily basis. If I wasn't so lazy I would look up the standardized test scores for the period he has been employed in the area. I guarantee there is a direct correlation between his first day and a nose-dive in scores.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

friday night is going to be lame

For those of you that aren't aware, the Gopher hockey team plays at 1 pm on Saturday and Sunday. Apparently there is some basketball event at the Barn on Friday night. This blows. Now I will have nothing to live for on Friday. I will have nothing entertaining to watch while I am getting warmed up for the bar. I guess there might be a St. Cloud or UMD game on some random cable access channel, but that's just not the same. I may be forced to check out Alaska-Anchorage and the sue on the NHL network. It would be fun to see the Seawolves take the sue down a peg. Another good thing is that I will have an excuse to start drinking at 1 on Saturday and something to distract me from the Gopher football team getting crushed.

Monday, November 10, 2008

TV Commercials That Fucking Suck

You know you're watching way too much TV when the commercials start driving you up a fucking wall. Well, I'm there. Here's the most annoying ones that come to mind:

1. Subway - Five Dollar Footlong
I swear to fucking god I will never eat at Subway again simply because they won't quit with these fucking commercials. I thought it was bad enough when they put that faggot Jared on TV for not being quite such a fatass anymore, but no. They came up wiht the most annoying theme music every invented and plaster it on every channel I have ever watched. I can't even watch Happy Gilmore anymore, and that was a sweet movie.

2. Toyota? - Saved by Zero
Last night in my sleep I kept seeing this big red zero floating around. At first I thought it might be Clifford, the big red fucking dog (I'll explain that later), but no, it was the logo of the most annoying car commercial ever. I have actually turned the TV several times when that commercial came on, and once, I actually got up to get the remote off the other couch to turn the channel. It takes a lot to get me to move when i'm laying on the couch, so that should about sum up how bad i hate that fucking commercial.

3. Wrangler - Brett Favre is Gay
This one isn't so much annoying, i can't even think of the background song off the top of my head, but i hate that fag.

4. Every Brand in America - Anything with Peyton Manning
I swear to fucking Christ that this media whore has more sponshorships than any NASCAR homo in the land. I think if you're ever really bored and wanna get hammered, play a game where you flip through the channels and drink every time this faggot is on tv. you should be blacking out in about an hour. God he sucks.

5. Frank TV
Yeah we get it, you talk like other people. Now you dress like them too and have a show. Awesome. I was actually glad the Twins didn't make the playoffs so i wasn't forced to watch TBS and see this stupid Jew every other minute. And as if that wasn't bad enough, now he's spreading like the plague doing bits for other fucking companies on seemingly every channel available. What a douche.

6. Vonage
What the fuck is Vonage and why do i need it? Does anyone under 50 even have a house phone anymore? If you're going to compete with the "phone company" you might as well advertise in AARP, i know weiner gets that magazine now and he's the only person i know who still has a house phone. Old people don't watch TV after 3pm. Thats when they go to bed. And some of them shit the bed, that's gross. Maybe put out some flyers at the OCB on Sundays. theres a ton of old fuckers there just aching for someone to talk to.

Ok, i was going to tell the story of Clifford the Big Fucking Red Dog, but I'm sick of sitting upright, I'm going to lay down for awhile. Probably drink some beer too. Best thing about being employed by the school district, no work on holidays. That includes Veterens Day. Which is tomorrow. So no work for me. Fuck you.

Weekend Recap

Sorry for my recent absence. I've been really busy laying on the couch and eating. I'd say it won't happen again, but I guarantee it will. Anyway, here are my thoughts on the weekend:
  • Was that Gus Frerrote or Derrick Schmalenberg playing QB for the Vikings? Either way he was dogshit. Holy christ horrible. Thank god I only got to watch the second half.

  • It's really hard to be competitive when your men's league hockey team only has 5 guys show up. It's even harder when one guy gets kicked out for slashing someone in the face. I really need this bye week to recover.

  • Gopher hockey good, gopher football bad. Welcome back to earth, Tim Brewster. However, if you didn't see this coming, you are dumber than John Lynch's left nut. If Decker is out, good luck the rest of the season. Here comes 7-5 afer a 7-1 start. Hello Motor City Bowl.

  • That split-screen shit that FSN does during Saturday Gopher hockey games is garbage. Yep, let's spotlight Cade Fairchild picking his ass by the blue line while the puck is in the corner. Real fucking entertaining. At least they won.

  • I'm pretty sure the Cedars of Edina intentionally shut down their elevators on Saturday knowing I was going to be helping my sister move into an apartment on the 3rd floor. Fuck them.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Gopher Hockey Recap

I thought this was Russel's department, but since he is nowhere to be found, i'll assume he's out burnin through some rubs with an innocent young coed and i'll chime in.

if you missed the game tonight, you suck. this was one of the best college hockey games i've seen in quite some time. up and down the ice all night, good flow, great scoring chances at both ends, and it all led to a 2-2 tie. the one difference i noticed from previous gopher games this year was no ref had sheppard or hunt on the back of his jersey. wherever they got these guys from, they need to keep recruiting there. i don't remember any penalty call making me think "ticky tack" which is a good thing because thats pretty gay.

i just went to take a piss and sneezed twice in the middle of the piss. i had to wipe when i finished. not sure if the sneezing triggered a relaxing of the sphincter or not, but it happened. kind of reminds me of my 21st birthday when i was puke-farting in the backyard at weiner's place. good times.

superbad is on now. looks like i'll be up drinking for another 2 hours. also good times. probably going to regret it in the morning, but you can't win em all.

Golf Tomorrow?

I'm assuming since it's supposed to be in the 40s and raining/snowing back in the C-town area that none of you are going to be golfing tomorrow. That's where we differ. And just to make you feel like you're a part of my fabulous Saturday, i'll give you a rundown of my itinerary.

November 8th, 2008

6:30am - Wakeup Call
7:00am - Memosa and Bloody Mary Breakfast
7:30am - Leave for Golf Course
7:45am - Tee Time at Traditions Golf Course (9 holes)
10:00am - Buffalo Wild Wings for Gophers Football Game
1:30pm - Leave for Golf Course
2:00pm - Tee Time at Desert Vista Golf Course (18 holes)
6:00pm - Leave Golf Course for Jobing.com Arena
7:00pm - Coyotes vs Panthers
10:00pm - Return Home to Watch Gophers Hockey on DVR

I rock, you're all gay. Oh, and the Vikings tickets for December are on sale now. $85 gets you the following:

- Upper level ticket to the game
- Ride to and from the stadium
- All you can eat and drink prior to the game

I need to get the money in ASAP to make sure we get seats, so feel free to send me a check for the $85 at any time. I'll send out an email Sunday with my address on it so you can get a check in the mail.

Doc's future lover

A KMSP-TV reporter arrested Saturday has been charged with gross-misdemeanor drunken driving and leaving the scene of an accident, according to a complaint filed in Hennepin County.
Beth McDonough was also charged with careless driving. She had a blood-alcohol reading of .24 percent two hours after troopers showed up at her Minnetonka home, the complaint said. That reading is three times the limit used to determine drunkenness in DUI cases. She refused a blood-alcohol test at first but later consented.
McDonough, 40, had her driver's license revoked in December after she was convicted of third-degree drunken driving. Her license was reinstated in June.
The driver of the other vehicle involved in Saturday's accident said he called authorities and then followed the car as it drove away after it rear-ended him on Interstate Hwy. 394 near Hwy. 169.
A State Patrol trooper went to McDonough's home and noticed "a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage, slurred speech, and bloodshot and watery eyes," the complaint said.
KMSP-TV news director Bill Dallman said McDonough has been suspended.
McDonough was booked into Hennepin County jail and released Saturday afternoon after posting $12,000 bond. She is due to make her first court appearance Dec. 2.

Monday, November 3, 2008

badgers were bound to win some time.

Not gonna lie, UND dominated about 55 minutes of the hockey game on Saturday, and came up empty tomahawked. No badger scalps on that evening, and no Joe Finley. They did have a number of horrible giveaways (so, in a sense, the spirit of Joe Finley was there), tons of missed opportunities, poor goaltending, and one honorable tribute to the Lakota Nation Sioux Indian Tribes. All of it added up to a big L, and me being disappointed. I was, on the other hand, more educated and appreciative of my Sioux brothers. They lived relatively peaceful lives a long time ago, and really loved the buffalo. Yada, yada, yada, now they go to college for free. End of story. Let us use the name; I don't see what the big deal is.

Where has the retard been??

Like everyone else in this world, I am wondering where Joe make hockey time has been this year. It was rumored that he had a concussion earlier this season. I figured his mush brain might be back in time for the Wisconsin series but I guess not. I think UND may have just finally realized that he is a liability, waiting to be the cause of a national apology for something stupid he is bound to do.

Side Theory:
This picture of Bucky Badger was sent to the Ralph last week. It appears that Bucky had been using Skippy’s work bench to get in some pectoral building pushups in anticipation for his rematch against the big dumb kid from UND. Joe caught Bucky off guard last year in the hallway and now it was time for Bucky to get his revenge. It seems that Joe preferred to stay on the short bus, licking windows, and shitting his diaper this weekend in order to avoid the ass kicking that Bucky was about to bring upon the young lad.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Random Observations

First thing first - it's not a good idea to start drinking Sailor Jerry at 9am. Ever.

As a direct result of this, I'm pretty sure everyone who was sitting in section 110 between rows G - I during the Wild game Saturday night are quite aware of a couple things;

1. Martin Skoula is retarded and sounds like a drunken monkey when he talks. He is also completely lost every time he steps on the ice and says things like "hey coach, i'm retarded and don't know what to do good." not sure what that means, but apparently i mentioned it many many times throughout the game.

2. "hit him with your purse, you pussy" is not only acceptable to say during a hockey game, but it's encouraged. doesn't matter that there is atleast 5 kids under 12 sitting within earshot, it's still a go. as long as you say it more than 10 times. and i'm pretty sure i had that covered before the first period was 8 minutes old. good stuff.

3. it's entirely possible to drink 7 16-ounce beers during one hockey game. don't forget they stop selling after the 2nd period. in light of that fact, make sure during the 2nd intermission you go up and get 2 beers not once, but twice. they won't let you buy 4 at once so you have to be crafty. well worth it. *disclaimer* this will probably lead to blacking out before you leave the arena. i know i did. i'm betting that taco bell food was really good though.

4. when you're cheering for the visiting team at a hockey game, and your team scores, immediately stand up, cheer, then turn around and point at any other individuals wearing a jersey/shirt/hat of the team you're cheering for. take my word on this one, just because you don't know them and will never see them again, for that minute you are pretty much brothers. and while you're at it, pop your jersey a few times if you're wearing one and then point at any and all home fans while staring directly through them. they need to feel you staring into their souls.

5. after the game, call paulette and ask her how the gophs did. don't worry if it's after midnight in c-town, she'll be up. probably really excited to hear from you too. and no, it doesn't matter if you wake up and ask yourself "i wonder how the gophs did last night."

All in all, it was a real shit show. Kendra will not be attending the Wild game with us in December. she said after the way i acted at the game last night and the fact that i'll have more retards helping me out, it isn't anything she wants to be a part of. this at least guarantees us a sober ride home, so you can thank me later.

5 weeks from Thursday and the official gong show can begin. I already notified the company that supplies cheese curds in the area and they'll be doubling their production in anticipation of Skippy's visit. I've set the bar pretty high for retardation at a Wild game, but i'm sure with enough beer and maybe a bottle of Sailor Jerry's, we'll be able to get the job done.

My liver hurts, i'm going to bed.

Friday, October 31, 2008

MLB Free Agency

I know I'm more than likely just dreaming of the possibility, but Nick Punto's name is among those filing for free agency on the first day possible. If I never have to see that little homo slide head first into first again, it'll be happy times for me.

Gophers vs. Mavs


I'm not going to do a preview on the Minnesota/MSUM series because I'm lazy and I know nothing about Mankato, other than their goalie is good and the town smells like rotten potatoes. And if you see what looks like a drunken moose dressed in a Gopher jersey in the stands, pour one out for your boy Skippy.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

My Hero John Daly

Here we see John Daly's latest mugshot. He was arrested after passing out at a Hooters. This is one guy that could look at Doc and honestly say, "Get to my level."

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Wild @ Stars

Wild Starting Lineup (fom what I've seen, might not be official)

G - Jamie McLennan
D - Brad Bombardir
D - Lubomir Sekeras
W - Sylvain Blouin
C - Darby Hendrickson
W - Maxim Sushinski

1st Period - *vomit*

They've brought back a collection of stiffs from 2000-2003. These were the guys on the ice when they hoped to eke out a 1-0 loss. Fucking disgusting to watch. I flipped over to the World Series for the time being. On a side note, I'm pretty sure Beav based his play in men's league on Sylvain Blouin and the way he carried himself on the ice.


Ok, Philly just won as Erik Hinske struck out. Erik Hinske? Yep. And the funny part is he was pinch hitting for Bartlett. I'm pretty sure Bartlett was voted the Rays MVP this season. And they pinch hit for him with 2 outs in the 9th down by one in an elimination game of the World Series. Not that I really care, and probably would've missed it if the Wild weren't busy shitting themselves, but still.

And another fun fact, the Wild are no longer perfect on the penalty kill this season. Probably won't be the only NHL team without a regulation loss after tonight either as they're getting worked 4-1 right now by the Stars.

On the bright side, it's Thursday tomorrow. Which means after that its Friday. Go ahead and check your calendar Skippy, I'm not fucking with you.

MMA Undercard

As a precursor to the epic Notch-O vs. Chilly MMA fight, I propose we have Joe Finley and Martin Skoula battle to the death in an old fashioned knife fight. An artist's rendition is below.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Mystery Child

Well Folks, it looks as if the first born child of the young Skippy and Maureen is about too pop out. I am still in disgust from her walking around at the Park Shop Halloween party like this, but Skippy said his insurance did not kick in for a few days so they needed to delay the child birth.
As you can see, Skippy has not been doing his BUSH Maintenance on his lady. Lots of work on the workbench will really tire a guy out.

I have spoken to other members of the park shop/water department who think the child may be Jeff Burke's as him and Skippy were known to frequent M-town's Va JJ after natcho breaks at the now defunct 7-11/Kum & go.

The city is using the money from the towns recent midnight madness to send all three to a showing of Mauri where both will battle it out for parental rights.

Happy Birthday to Everyone's (well Russel's anyways) Favorite Wild Player

That's right folks, on this day back in 1979 our resident stalwart on the blueline was born in a little town called Litomerice, CZE. I think thats the Czech Republic, but I'm not 100%. Doesn't really matter, I know what Russel will be up to tonight. Hitting the hottest night club in St. Paul hoping to run into the one and only Martin Skoula. Or Skull Krusher as Russel calls him probably. Anyways, whatever you're up to on this fine Tuesday evening, take a moment and thank the heavens that 29 years ago an angel was sent down to patrol the Wild blueline. Happy Birthday Skull Krusher.

Random Thoughts

1. They took down the bleachers at Lincoln about 8 years ago. Might want to find a new venue for the Notcho v. Chilly MMA match. Someone check and see how much the Ralph is for the end of February or early March. It doesn't look like there will be any post-season hockey being played there, so it should be wide open.

2. The Wild are undefeated in regulation, but Skoula still sucks.

3. All this informational crap along the top and right side smacks of effort. Get lazy you ambitious bastard.

4. Skipper will be spending the weekend in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area. Although Pizza Patrol is relieved they won't get a drunken call from him during his cab ride, they are worried they won't be able to make rent next month as a result of missing his order.

Sidenote: They will probably still get a call from him, which will result in confusion and stuttering when they explain they can't deliver to St. Paul.

5. I can't decide between Rock Band 2 and Guitar Hero World Tour. Any advice?

Halloween 2008

I stumbled into a private costume showcase for the Skipper last night and bumped into this guy. He did a great job of selling the outfit by looking like he just rolled out of bed after getting a call to go bust some really slow ghosts. I wanted to take some video of the fashion show but Skipper's security was pretty tight. I did, however, manage to sneak a shot of the guard.

Monday, October 27, 2008

MMA Fight Card

Now, the last thing I would want to do is cause physical harm to my buddy's future father in law, and the second to last thing I would want to do is dignify these remarks implying that I am a utterly futile human being, physically speaking, but I do have a good idea for the theme. I just can't resist.

It could be called "Island Kitchen Battle Royale". We would bring the infamous island from Chilly's Kitchen up to Lincoln Field and put it in the cage with us. The drawers would be fully stocked with knives and whatever else he might have in there. Whoever wins the fight, as an added bonus, gets the island to put in their kitchen. I guess Chilly doesn't have much to gain from that proposition, but he probably could afford another one anyway. Adding weapons would definitely legitimize my ability to cause physical harm to another living thing, so that would be a bonus for me as well. Let me know what you guys think.

Oh, backup plan: If we can't get his island in the cage, we just substitute in Skipper's workbench.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

thoughts from the weekend

no real rhyme or reason here, just some random thoughts.

1. college hockey needs to rethink the penalty calling situation. i could've sworn dale stainbrook and a severely hungover dusty mjoen were reffing the gophers games. there was absolutely no flow to either game, it really looked like an nfl game with a penalty happening on just about every play. gay.

2. speaking of dusty mjoen, i hear that him and trevor brekken are reffing the winter classic game at wrigley this year. expect them to show up 5 minutes before the drop of the puck still drunk. maybe brandon boetcher can do the lines. talk about an all-star lineup.

3. gopher football is fun to watch again. i'm sure they can still find a way to lose two more games and end up in the redtube.com porno bowl in december. the only thing that sucks balls is that every game this year except one has started at 11am central. not too bad unless you live in arizona and 11am central translates to 9am. good thing when i woke up yesterday i was still drunk from friday night so i didn't have to work too hard to hit .24 by the half.

4. i can't find my debit card. i'm pretty sure i left it at the bar last night. note to self: when you leave the bar at 2am make sure to close out your tab and take your card back. i know this seems like an easy task, but remember who this is. now picture me at 2am on a saturday night. keep in mind this day started before 9am and i was still drunk and had a 32 ounce glass full of morgan coke in my hand. all of a sudden the simplest tasks don't seem so simple.

5. bought a new fire pit friday after work. this led directly to the 9am wakeup still drunk part of the weekend. i'm pretty sure if i didn't run out of beer i would've still been sitting out there when the gophers game started saturday morning. and if i wasn't out of wood and too lazy/hungover to go buy more, i'd probably be out there right now.

6. vikings didn't lose today. brad childress more than likely used the extra time to touch some little boys. god he looks like a pedo. and i'm pretty sure notch-o could kick his ass.

7. watching the world series so far and all i know is butch schleicher and sherm tollefson could be doing a better job umping. they have like 14 umps out there and yet still have managed to look like retards on more than one occasion.

8. wild are in town next saturday. not sure if the game will be on tv up there, but if it is make sure to keep your eyes open for an 'indian on welfare check day drunk' retard in a red wild jersey making a complete ass of himself. i'm not saying, i'm just saying. and tune in early, i'm not sure if i'll be there the whole game. not because i'll voluntarily leave early, but i've seen a few drunks get hauled out of that arena before. and we all know what kind of show i can put on if i put my mind to it. look out liver. if they kick me out you can bet everything you own that i'll go out firing cuss words at the elderly security guards. fuckin bed shitters.

9. if anybody wants to put it together, i really think we should try to line up a notcho vs chilly MMA fight. we could probably sell out lincoln field. yeah thats right, i'm talking an outdoor cage match. someone come up with a catchy name for it. and if anyone gets a chance, cruise by lincoln and see if there's any bleachers left up there.

10. dan wheeler is to the rays what matt guerrier is to the twins. garbage water.

11. with only 5 shopping days until halloween, the sluttiest of all holidays, make sure to charge up your cameras. submit your best pics from the weekend, and whoever posts a picture of the dirtiest slut will win a dirty pair of panties from the dirtiest slut of all, (insert someone's mom's name here). good luck.

12. if you're wondering about the picture at the top, i am too. i googled 'random shit' and that popped up. i think its macgyver. he's pretty sweet.

my fingers are tired and my brain hurts. i'm going to bed.

Friday, October 24, 2008

MN (choking) WILD

This picture reminds me a lot of the Wild game last night, or Skippy on a random Saturday afternoon, with pictures of Doc's mom below him on the workbench. At times last night, Martin Skoula looked like a young Joe "make hockey time" Finley out there...both being walked around in the same matter Skippy walks around the work bench stalking his young prey. Mr. Miller also scored his first NHL goal last night, too bad it happened to be in his own net. WOW, felt bad for that guy. Wild gave up two goals in about a minute span...it appeared to me that they went into the Minnesota Vikings Prevent Defense...there was shit all over the ice, I have not seen a good bed shitting like that in yrs.


Thursday, October 23, 2008

Sioux Weekend Preview

Because this is a diverse blogsite, not completely dominated by one college hockey team, I thought I'd do a Sioux weekend preview.
The Fighting Sioux are off this weekend, and as we all know, these are typically the most eventful weekends for the players and fans. This couldn't be more true this season in particular. With aspirations for a WCHA title at a six-year low, expectations for misdeamenors are at an all-time high. I haven't been following too closely this season, but I'm sure there are some Canadian "freshmen" (read: 26 year olds) who have just been itching to get to buck-fifty pitchers at sensations since they rode into town on their family mules. Also, Vandevelde, while talented, is certainly looking to bust out of the shadow of former teammate TJ "not M, not N, but..." Oshie. Look for him to pick up a minor while driving and follow it up by an arrest for public urination outside of Red Pepper at 4am the same night.
While it's tough to predict exactly what will go down, one thing is for sure: There will be a house party, and JPL will be sitting quietly in the corner, drunk as hell, creeping out everyone.
I am a Sioux fan, and I refuse to give up hope at this point in the season. But if they're going to be bad, they can at least entertain us with their off-ice antics.

Goldy/Becky Preview

The #7 ranked Gophers travel to Madison this weekend to take on the unranked Badgers. Wisco has started the season 0-4 and are giving up about 6 goals a game. I bet they wish Brian Elliot was still around. They do have some talent on the blue line, though, featuring junior Jaime McBain, highly-touted freshman Jake Gardiner, and sophomore Ryan McDonagh, whose name has been mentioned in Gaborik trade rumors. Minnesota's forwards looked very fast last weekend against JBSU, so we'll see if UW's D can keep up. Up front, Wisco will look to have some new faces pick up the scoring lost with the possible season ending injury to Ben Streete.

Minnesota needs to continue playing an up-tempo game. As already mentioned, they appear to be a very fast team. Minnesota's D seemed solid last weekend and were able to contain JBSU's top scorers. Aaron Ness made a few freshman mistakes, but looked pretty composed. At this point it looks like David Fischer should be back in the lineup. From what I read, Wisco's forwards aren't all that fast, but they are big. We'll see if Minnesota's undersized D are up to the task. Up front, Minnesota had consistent play from every line. Carman, Lucia, and Flynn are a solid line that can match up against anyone. Hopefully the Stoa, Barriball, and Schroeder line can heat up and put some more points on the board. Lastly, the Gophers are solid in net for the first time in years with sophomore Alex Kangas, who stopped 49 of 52 shots last weekend for a save percentage of .941 and a GAA of 1.50. Look for him to be steady again this weekend.

My heart wants to say the Gophers sweep this weekend, but my head says it will be hard to sweep on the road, and Wisco has to win sometime, so a split is more likely. I am going to be optimistic and predict Minnesota takes 3 points.

And Hammy, if there are any typos you feel the need to point out, go fuck yourself.

Found this in the archives. Thought some might enjoy it.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


It's good to see my boy Puff looking good in his mug shot. Reminds me a lot of the Doctor, "Jake you must of had a really good night." says the dispatcher "But your car was spotted on highway 220 north." He was heading up to Canada for some french fries and gravy.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Better Dead Than Red

I might do a series preview later in the week if I get really bored.

Monday, October 20, 2008

A few items on Monday's list

A. someone please tell me that UND realized, how bad bad, big, Dumb, Joe "make hockey time" Finley is. I see he did not dress all weekend.
B. please check out this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWt1tGTHdkc explain to me, what in the hell this offical is doing
C. Gopher football team somehow cracked the nations best list.
D. St. Cloud needs to stop saying that next year is going to be the year, they were already mentioning that after the weekend sweep.
E. It looks like the Gopher hockey team has the speed of skippy in bed with Doc's mom.
F. the wild need to trade Gabby this week.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Team Qatar

We just got back from the world cup of beer pong, and i must say it was a complete traveshamockery. Team Qatar (me and kendra) rattled off 4 straight wins in pool play to earn a #1 seed in the medal round. All four pool play games had been played on a regulation 8 foot table, and we had no problem doing away with Mexico, Peru, Iceland, and the Parts Unknown team. Once pool play was over, we were re-seeded and set to play Argentina in the medal round. They were the #2 seed from pool 2, and had posted a meager 2-1-1 record to get there. This would seem like a cake walk for the Qatari's, until the tournament director stepped in and had other ideas. This game was moved to a 12 foot table inside, apparently to satisfy the throngs of spectators able to gather around the table. Also, instead of playing 6 cup pong, the medal round shifted to a 10 cup layout. Fucking gay. Needless to say, we were down quick, with Argentina hitting the first 5 cups before we were on the board. Despite having 5 cups on the table with them a-holes shooting at their last cup for the win, we battled back to get it squared up 1 cup to 1 cup. Then the mother fucker nails a rainbow shot to seal the victory. I could've pissed on him. Ok, i did piss on him. He shouldn't have been standing there. I was asked to leave at that point. We ended up with nothing despite a 4-1 record, which just goes to show you that i'm drunk and i suck at beer pong. The gophers are up 1-0, i'm too lazy to check other scores tonight. we're heading out to another kegger at some point, and i'm drinking morgan right now, so this is goodnight. I am hoping to wake up tomorrow and see a new post recounting skippy's latest conquest of puss, but it's more likely Hammy will be requesting bail money. either of which will make me happy. giggity giggity.

And Boom Goes the Dynamite

Click here to watch Skipper's brother attempt to do the Ball State sports update.

Scoreboard bitches!

I put up a scoreboard on the right hand side, i'll probably put all WCHA games on there and any other interesting ones, like when #2 Michigan loses and i can laugh at idiots from Michigan.

This scoreboard talk reminds me of a time when a certain C-town hockey player pointed at the scoreboard during a JV game and "taunted" the other team with the scoreboard chant. Now normally there wouldn't be a big deal with this, high school kids are retarded. The only problem, however, is that we were losing like 5-0. The opponent was obviously confused and proceeded to inform the C-town player that they were, in fact, winning. With this comment, our wizard-like C-towner responded, "yeah, but only by five, we suck and you should be up way more than that." pure genius.

Now I don't have any soiled boxers to give away for this contest, but what i do have is an old jock strap that may or may not have been worn by david perala during JV football in 1997. It's on the table for whoever responds first (in the comment section of this post) and tells me the name of the C-town hockey player who starred in the scoreboard story above. good luck, this thing is a beaut!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Bro's before Ho's

Ok, so Russel left us high and dry to go chase some tail. I'm too lazy and sober to really get into this, but I'll keep some updates going anyways.

Gophs up 3-1 with about 7 minutes left in the 3rd. SCSU is on their TENTH power play right now. way to go Dale.

And the Sioux are down 4-1 to Mankato. good stuff.

SCSU scores to make it 3-2 with a couple minutes left in the 3rd. Fags.

Timeout Fags with 1:14 to go. Oh, and they're on the power play again. why not.

Gophs hang on for the win despite a flurry at the end. I hope Russel is having fun sport fucking because he missed a doozie of a finish. After watching Kangas i'm pretty sure he was drunk all game long. i would've bet on overtime at any point after the 2nd husky goal. somehow they got the win, and for the opener that's all that matters. and the sioux are still losing.

On a side note, make sure to read Russels post from 7:50. i'm not about to judge anyone, but c'mon man. that's gross.

You Can't Spell Sucks without SCSU

Huskies are bringing some pressure, but I am afraid my blogging must end. I am going to hang out with some hot chick that is likely not going to blow me. But miracles happen everyday. Let's go Gophs!!

Second Period Recap
2-1 Minnesota.

Sloppier play than the first. SC controlled the majority of the play. Mostly because Minnesota was taking more penalties than Matt Murphy and Brandon Simmons. Again, I think if the Gophers stay out of the box they should be able to pull this one out.

Gophers kill the the 2 man PP through the end of the second.

FUCK, Fairchild takes an even dumber one. SC 2 men up for a minute and a half. Seems like MN wants to lose this one.

Lucia takes a dumb one. SC gets a third straight PP.

No goal. That took way too long. Note to Huskies fans: the puck has to cross line to be a goal. And Bob Motzko is really ugly.

Another SC apparent goal waived off right away. We'll see what the review says. I say no goal. 2 pipes but no goal.

SC on another PP. Who cares, they suck.

STOA buries a short-handed chance. I'm pretty sure he was looking in the slot and shelfed one on Wasalonski, who was on his knees faster than Hammy at a gangbang. 2-1 Minnesota.

Husky PP, so what.

Note to Minnesota: Woozaloosky is wearing a chest protector. Don't try and shoot throught it. Go around.

Huskies cheat. MN on the PP.

Nice passing play between Hansen, Bostrom and Matson. Of course they don't score though.

Too much talk about a Marvin. And I farted again.

This is tough to watch. Very choppy play. Sacchetti takes one out of Joey Corbin's play book and puts one over the glass from below the dots.

second has started and SC is now on the PP.

First Period Recap
Lucia for the Gophers. Swanson I think for SC, I don't really care who it was.

MN is controlling play for the most part and have an 18-5 advantage in shots, but they have to stay out of the box. Doesn't look like the Huskies can keep up with the Gophers team speed. Ness and Schroeder are looking good so far. I think Schroeder was trying to shoot through people on that last PP. Hopefully Kangas got the dumbass goal out of his system.

I'm too lazy to look up other scores, but I can update you on this: 3 beers and 1 jacks down. And I'm pretty sure Woog said something about preferring 8 inchers. What a sick bastard.

Period break. Anyone else find Doc's mom strangely attractive?

Scrum in front of the SC net. I have no idea what these penalties are. How are they not off-setting? somehow it's 4 on 4.

4 on 4.
Gophers now on the PP, 5 on 3 for a bit. Ness drew a hook, but missed his first scoring opportunity.

Fairchild takes an interference penalty. SCSU on the power play. I realize that is redundant.

Huskies goal is waved off. I think this is a bad call so I am going to leave what I had written in preparation for a goal call:

Huskies score one off a hand, a knee, and a pipe. For dumb. This stinks about as bad as the fart I just ripped. I'm pretty sure that could peel paint.

huskies are going on the power play. carmen takes a slashing call. hockey is a lot tougher to blog than baseball.

1-1. Kangas had his head up his ass. Fuck me.

Huskies get their first shot on net with less than 11 minutes to go in the first. It did not go in.

Tony Luuuuuuuuuccciiaaa!!!! Gophers connect on the power play. Walensky or whatever SCSU's goalie's name is shit the bed big time. I think Pete Reck could have picked that corner after falling down and breaking his stick getting up.

Gopher power play. Hopefully it's improved since last year.

Both teams look like garbage.

Gophers are dominating the play so far. A lot more pressure than last year, which is good to see. They've generated a few scoring chances, nothing really quality yet. SCSU still doesn't have a shot on net.

Anyone know if the Ramsey County jail has cable so Puffy can watch the game tonight?

Couple minutes before face-off for the Gopher WCHA opener at St. Cloud. God that town sucks. I hope it gets annexed to Canada in the near future. All I know is Kangas is going to have to play big, Roe and Laasch can score. Really looking forward to see what Ness and Schroeder can do. With that said, I have an 18 pack of Mich Golden, a full pack of cigs, and a jack's in the oven. Let's get it on!

Where's Russel?

I was expecting a full on preview of the Gopher hockey season from Russel today. Way to shit the bed buddy. Anywho, I'm in a beer pong tourney tomorrow so i can't get black out drunk tonight. dissapointing i know. if i can figure out how to turn on the computer tomorrow i'll probably have some great words of wisdom during the gophs game. don't count on it.