Oh Canada!

So I'm stuck watching the Wild on a Canadian feed again tonight. Thanks FSN. Boogaard is basically chasing May around the rink every time he's out there, well both times he's been out there. During one of these chases, the Maple Leaf anouncers had some dyn-o-mite banter going back and forth. To sum it up, the play by play fag was talking about how Boogaard doesn't get into too many fights anymore because everyone in the league knows he's trying to hurt people when he fights. huh? The color guy jumps in and says something to the effect of "no shit sherlock". The first fag must've realized he sounded like skippy explaining the left-wing lock because at that point he circled the wagon and tried to justify his comment. not a good idea. it went something like this: well, you know most players when they fight are trying to set the tone, not necessarily hurt the other player. Boogaard is just too big for that, if you get in a fight with him, there's a good chance you'll get hurt. The 2nd guy must've wanted to slap that homo, instead he threw down a comment asking if he thought they should shadow box or something like that and the queer had no response, just dropped the topic. awesome. this is the shit you expect to hear when listening to people in phoenix talk about hockey, not so much torontonites. i'll assume thats what they're called. if not, they should be.

enough about that, did anyone else get any text messages from the feever this weekend? i have one on my phone with the quote "hextall for hobey". not even kidding. i would love to see a post on here with some reasoning behind that. the floor is yours feever.

and to quote russel and explain the picture above, when referring to blake "he'll always look like the result of a botched abortion." couldn't agree more. In keeping with the retard theme, there's a new poll on the right for coolest retard in C-Town history. There's been some good ones, but I think if you were putting together an all-star team these would be at the top of the list.

Quick Question

Why the fuck are the Wild wearing white at home tonight? Anybody?

Another couple of questions pertaining to the Wild. And i have to watch it on the Kings feed which is stupid. I wonder how Zidlicky's name is listed in the media guide. I swear every announcer this season other than Terhaar and Greenlay pronounce it Zid-lit-ski or some variance of that. Really annoying. Also, these clowns keep saying Bo-guard. Which is also interesting that he's had about 3 shifts already in the first 15 minutes of the game. And i haven't seen him fight yet this year. I guess when you put on a youth fighting clinic in the offseason you get a reputation around the league. Sort of how Skippy has a reputation that makes cooks shiver when he walks into a buffet. I'm sure that comment will lead to a Hammy story of a young lady shivering in downtown Minneapolis, but I say bring it on.

*UPDATE* I checked around a little bit and solved the Zidlicky query.

Marek Židlický (pronounced [ˈmarɛk ˈʒɪdlɪtskiː]

So there you have it. Not sure how you could confuse that. Fucking foreigners. Did i catch a niner in there?

One more observation, and not to nitpick, but these guys are fucking brutal. Now they're talking about Gaborik's ball region being broken, and they keep saying Gob-o-rick. Homos.

Gay

Since this coming weekend is going to suck, I'll post a picture at the bottom of this post of a chick in a sports bra. That should cheer everyone up. But until then...

Reasons why this weekend is going to be fucking gay:

1. Gophers hockey have an off week. Again. Two weeks after taking a 3 week break. Gay.

2. No NFL games this week. For the first time in about 6 months there will be no football on at all this weekend. Gay.

3. NHL All-Star shit. Not saying the skills competition isn't sweet, but this also means the Wild are off for a week after tonight's game against LA. Which also sucks because the Kings are fucking boring and the Wild are fucking boring so this game will probably be a really fucking boring game.

4. NBA is, wait. Disregard that thought. Basketball is only legal to watch during March when it's college tournament time. And then only when there is 10 games going on at once and they keep switching back and forth. And you're drunk.

So basically this week is pretty depressing already. Nothing to look forward to and really no reason to get drunk. Not that you need a reason. Ever. But still.

I'm going to go ahead and look towards the following weekend which includes the return of Gopher Hockey, the FBR Open, the Superbowl, and probably other cool shit. Much better. Oh, and i definately tried to hump that crazy bitch back in the day. And i'm almost positive i pissed her bed that night. Pure class. Over and out. Enjoy the pic.


What a Beauty! Get a couple of safety pins and put on a hockey jersey, works for me.

Ask and you shall receive...

Due to popular demand. Ok, just Melsh as far as i know, but he's pretty popular in his own right. Here's the tentative itinerary for the week:

Thursday December 11th
10:07am - Beav, Skippy, and Russel fly in to Phoenix
10:30am - Arrive home
10:45am - Drink beer in backyard, play beer pong
3:45pm - Arrive at Jobing.com Arena and begin tailgating
7:00pm - Wild vs Coyotes

Friday December 12th
Noon - Wake up
1:00pm - Golf
5:30pm - BWW or another bar
7:00pm - Bonfire at home

Saturday December 13th
Noon - Wake up
1:00pm - Golf
3:30pm - Funugyz or another bar
5:00pm - Gophers vs Colorado College
8:00pm - Salty Seniorita's or another bar

Sunday December 14th
8:00am - Wake up
9:00am - Arrive at University of Phoenix Stadium and begin tailgating
2:00pm - Vikings vs Cardinals
2:15pm - Skid asked to leave stadium
5:30pm - The Gym or another bar
8:00pm - Bonfire at home

Monday December 15th
???? - Retards head back to Minnesota

I'll try to update throughout the weekend, but there's no guarantee i'll be able to recognize, let alone use a computer.

By the way, the picture above could represent any and all of us at any point this weekend.

Disappointment Saturday?

Can the Wild save what has otherwise been a rather disappointing day? I'm guessing not. After the Gopher hockey team managed to piss a two goal lead away, the Gopher football team managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. How gross. I think the Wooger had the right idea by being blitzed by 12:45. Something tells me the Wild aren't going to be able to pull this one out. With any luck they will at least manage a point before trapping in OT and choking in the shootout.

Nice Little Saturday

I woke up this morning to our neighbors screaming obsenities at each other in the street. If it wasn't 6am i probably would've grabbed a cold one and pulled up a lawn chair. Honestly, how can you kick off a weekend better than that? now i'm staring straight in the face of Gopher Hockey at Noon, Gopher Football at 1:30, then the Wild play at 6:00. Probably going to start drinking before too long, which might lead to more posting or might lead to more drinking and a little slice of blacking out. I really could go either way on this one. Either way, i'm not complaining. By the way, the cartoon at the top was stolen straight from GPL, and it pretty much sums up how i feel every Saturday morning around this time when you know who sees me crack a beer and gives me that look.

Random Observations

First thing first - it's not a good idea to start drinking Sailor Jerry at 9am. Ever.

As a direct result of this, I'm pretty sure everyone who was sitting in section 110 between rows G - I during the Wild game Saturday night are quite aware of a couple things;

1. Martin Skoula is retarded and sounds like a drunken monkey when he talks. He is also completely lost every time he steps on the ice and says things like "hey coach, i'm retarded and don't know what to do good." not sure what that means, but apparently i mentioned it many many times throughout the game.

2. "hit him with your purse, you pussy" is not only acceptable to say during a hockey game, but it's encouraged. doesn't matter that there is atleast 5 kids under 12 sitting within earshot, it's still a go. as long as you say it more than 10 times. and i'm pretty sure i had that covered before the first period was 8 minutes old. good stuff.

3. it's entirely possible to drink 7 16-ounce beers during one hockey game. don't forget they stop selling after the 2nd period. in light of that fact, make sure during the 2nd intermission you go up and get 2 beers not once, but twice. they won't let you buy 4 at once so you have to be crafty. well worth it. *disclaimer* this will probably lead to blacking out before you leave the arena. i know i did. i'm betting that taco bell food was really good though.

4. when you're cheering for the visiting team at a hockey game, and your team scores, immediately stand up, cheer, then turn around and point at any other individuals wearing a jersey/shirt/hat of the team you're cheering for. take my word on this one, just because you don't know them and will never see them again, for that minute you are pretty much brothers. and while you're at it, pop your jersey a few times if you're wearing one and then point at any and all home fans while staring directly through them. they need to feel you staring into their souls.

5. after the game, call paulette and ask her how the gophs did. don't worry if it's after midnight in c-town, she'll be up. probably really excited to hear from you too. and no, it doesn't matter if you wake up and ask yourself "i wonder how the gophs did last night."

All in all, it was a real shit show. Kendra will not be attending the Wild game with us in December. she said after the way i acted at the game last night and the fact that i'll have more retards helping me out, it isn't anything she wants to be a part of. this at least guarantees us a sober ride home, so you can thank me later.

5 weeks from Thursday and the official gong show can begin. I already notified the company that supplies cheese curds in the area and they'll be doubling their production in anticipation of Skippy's visit. I've set the bar pretty high for retardation at a Wild game, but i'm sure with enough beer and maybe a bottle of Sailor Jerry's, we'll be able to get the job done.

My liver hurts, i'm going to bed.

Wild @ Stars

Wild Starting Lineup (fom what I've seen, might not be official)

G - Jamie McLennan
D - Brad Bombardir
D - Lubomir Sekeras
W - Sylvain Blouin
C - Darby Hendrickson
W - Maxim Sushinski

1st Period - *vomit*

They've brought back a collection of stiffs from 2000-2003. These were the guys on the ice when they hoped to eke out a 1-0 loss. Fucking disgusting to watch. I flipped over to the World Series for the time being. On a side note, I'm pretty sure Beav based his play in men's league on Sylvain Blouin and the way he carried himself on the ice.

UPDATE

Ok, Philly just won as Erik Hinske struck out. Erik Hinske? Yep. And the funny part is he was pinch hitting for Bartlett. I'm pretty sure Bartlett was voted the Rays MVP this season. And they pinch hit for him with 2 outs in the 9th down by one in an elimination game of the World Series. Not that I really care, and probably would've missed it if the Wild weren't busy shitting themselves, but still.

And another fun fact, the Wild are no longer perfect on the penalty kill this season. Probably won't be the only NHL team without a regulation loss after tonight either as they're getting worked 4-1 right now by the Stars.

On the bright side, it's Thursday tomorrow. Which means after that its Friday. Go ahead and check your calendar Skippy, I'm not fucking with you.

Random Thoughts

1. They took down the bleachers at Lincoln about 8 years ago. Might want to find a new venue for the Notcho v. Chilly MMA match. Someone check and see how much the Ralph is for the end of February or early March. It doesn't look like there will be any post-season hockey being played there, so it should be wide open.

2. The Wild are undefeated in regulation, but Skoula still sucks.

3. All this informational crap along the top and right side smacks of effort. Get lazy you ambitious bastard.

4. Skipper will be spending the weekend in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area. Although Pizza Patrol is relieved they won't get a drunken call from him during his cab ride, they are worried they won't be able to make rent next month as a result of missing his order.

Sidenote: They will probably still get a call from him, which will result in confusion and stuttering when they explain they can't deliver to St. Paul.

5. I can't decide between Rock Band 2 and Guitar Hero World Tour. Any advice?

thoughts from the weekend

no real rhyme or reason here, just some random thoughts.

1. college hockey needs to rethink the penalty calling situation. i could've sworn dale stainbrook and a severely hungover dusty mjoen were reffing the gophers games. there was absolutely no flow to either game, it really looked like an nfl game with a penalty happening on just about every play. gay.

2. speaking of dusty mjoen, i hear that him and trevor brekken are reffing the winter classic game at wrigley this year. expect them to show up 5 minutes before the drop of the puck still drunk. maybe brandon boetcher can do the lines. talk about an all-star lineup.

3. gopher football is fun to watch again. i'm sure they can still find a way to lose two more games and end up in the redtube.com porno bowl in december. the only thing that sucks balls is that every game this year except one has started at 11am central. not too bad unless you live in arizona and 11am central translates to 9am. good thing when i woke up yesterday i was still drunk from friday night so i didn't have to work too hard to hit .24 by the half.

4. i can't find my debit card. i'm pretty sure i left it at the bar last night. note to self: when you leave the bar at 2am make sure to close out your tab and take your card back. i know this seems like an easy task, but remember who this is. now picture me at 2am on a saturday night. keep in mind this day started before 9am and i was still drunk and had a 32 ounce glass full of morgan coke in my hand. all of a sudden the simplest tasks don't seem so simple.

5. bought a new fire pit friday after work. this led directly to the 9am wakeup still drunk part of the weekend. i'm pretty sure if i didn't run out of beer i would've still been sitting out there when the gophers game started saturday morning. and if i wasn't out of wood and too lazy/hungover to go buy more, i'd probably be out there right now.

6. vikings didn't lose today. brad childress more than likely used the extra time to touch some little boys. god he looks like a pedo. and i'm pretty sure notch-o could kick his ass.

7. watching the world series so far and all i know is butch schleicher and sherm tollefson could be doing a better job umping. they have like 14 umps out there and yet still have managed to look like retards on more than one occasion.

8. wild are in town next saturday. not sure if the game will be on tv up there, but if it is make sure to keep your eyes open for an 'indian on welfare check day drunk' retard in a red wild jersey making a complete ass of himself. i'm not saying, i'm just saying. and tune in early, i'm not sure if i'll be there the whole game. not because i'll voluntarily leave early, but i've seen a few drunks get hauled out of that arena before. and we all know what kind of show i can put on if i put my mind to it. look out liver. if they kick me out you can bet everything you own that i'll go out firing cuss words at the elderly security guards. fuckin bed shitters.

9. if anybody wants to put it together, i really think we should try to line up a notcho vs chilly MMA fight. we could probably sell out lincoln field. yeah thats right, i'm talking an outdoor cage match. someone come up with a catchy name for it. and if anyone gets a chance, cruise by lincoln and see if there's any bleachers left up there.

10. dan wheeler is to the rays what matt guerrier is to the twins. garbage water.

11. with only 5 shopping days until halloween, the sluttiest of all holidays, make sure to charge up your cameras. submit your best pics from the weekend, and whoever posts a picture of the dirtiest slut will win a dirty pair of panties from the dirtiest slut of all, (insert someone's mom's name here). good luck.

12. if you're wondering about the picture at the top, i am too. i googled 'random shit' and that popped up. i think its macgyver. he's pretty sweet.

my fingers are tired and my brain hurts. i'm going to bed.

A Not So Random Observation

Skoula fucking sucks. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Skoula fucking sucks. He's the Nick Punto of the Wild. Seriously, it's like watching Dave Gordon on skates. He should have been traded for a used puck bag and six practice jerseys a long time ago.

Last Call....

Unfortunately I wasn't able to get my hands on any Jonas Brothers. Tickets of course.

I am fully prepared to do a live blog of the game tonight, as in my mind this will be the final Twinkies game this season. From what I saw this weekend, Gardenhire has thrown up the white flag and surrendered. If Matt Guerrier sees any action tonight I am going to have to get a tattoo removed tomorrow. I would rather see them dig up Christopher Reeve and have his dead crippled ass pitch than Guerrier. Hopefully I'm wrong and the Twins can hang around for atleast another week to get us closer to the Wild and Gophers seasons, but I'm not holding my breath.

I'll be on again when i get home from school, probably around 3:00 MST, and with the first pitch scheduled for 4:30 i should be about 6 beers deep by then.