Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Thanks Ron

If there's one thing Gardy is good at, it's providing material for every Twins fan to have something to bitch about on a nightly basis. You all know who I'm talking about, it's no secret that I'm not a fan of Punto's. Regardless, some more venting about the little idiot.

Here we are again. Another day and another start for your gay little ass. Of course you'd be in the lineup after getting a hit in one straight game. In fact, you ballooned your average all the way up to .193 yesterday. Let's not dwell on the positives though, you also picked up your team leading 4th error of the year. Feels good to lead the club in something, doesn't it? And not to be outdone by yourself, you already notched #5 in the first inning tonight. Your 5 errors are over 1/4th of the total errors the Twins have this year. You do realize that when you lead the team in errors you really shouldn't be at the bottom of every offensive category possible. In the last 10 days or so, we've all seen you boot balls around, throw balls into the stands, get caught stealing, fail to get sacrifice bunts down, pretty much failing to do everything a "role player" needs to do to keep getting his name on the lineup card. You're a special one though, no matter how asinine it seems to put you in the lineup, ole Gardy makes sure it happens on a nightly basis. Now I'm not busy, so here's just a few more stats to help shut up the few fans you have left. And trust me, there are some. I hear from them everytime you get a hit, usually about once every other week. Anyways...

So far you have 26 total bases on the year. 23 hits, 3 doubles, zero triples, zero homeruns. Nice. The closest player to you in total bases is Jose Morales. Remember him? He was up for awhile when Mauer was out, racked up 53 at bats (less than half as many as you) and has 22 total bases. He also has no major league experience, yet you're considered a veteran. Act like it.

Ok, so you're more of a singles guy. When I think of singles hitters, I think of guys who must steal a bunch of bases to get themselves into scoring position. Think again, cockface. Your total steals of 4 this season are in a dead heat with none other than Michael Cuddyer. Granted it's hard to steal bases when you only get on base twice a week, but that should put an end to that argument anyways.

Pretty much the only other aspect I've heard people argue in your favor is defense. Unfortunately, the stats lead us to believe that you are utterly useless in this aspect as well. With your throw tonight that sailed over Morneau's head, your fielding percentage dropped to a pathetic .949. This puts your rank among shortstops at 68th out of the 84 players who have time at short this year. Jesus fucking Christ.

Timeout, you know who is at the plate right now. Let's live blog it.

Pitch 1 - called strike
Pitch 2 - called strike
Pitch 3 - ball high
Pitch 4 - ball in the dirt
Pitch 5 - ball high (got excited as it almost struck you in your mouth)
Pitch 6 - pop out to short

Typical AB for you. Nice to see you make the pitcher work a little. Nick Green could've caught that with his ball sack and it wouldn't have hurt, but you put it in play alright. Your average dropped a point to .192 and with a typical game you should be back in the .180's by the end of the night.

That's pretty much it for now, please do us all a favor and kill yourself.

1 comment:

  1. Come on this is not the place to bitch about Lil Nicky Punto. Notch has given us a great forum for which to vent. You may get called a d-bag for your opinions but it has been a long time since I was banned from Sioux Sports.com.

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