Friday, October 9, 2009

Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?

I figured Doc would have written something about the Twins by now, but apparently he is too busy traumatizing the youth of Arizona. I know that's important, but you've got to prioritize. Anyway, here are my thoughts on the Twins/Yankees series. The Twins suck and we all know it. The only reason they are even in the playoffs is because they play in the major league equivalent to Section 4. You think Fergus went to all those state tournaments in hockey because they were good? Fuck no, it was because they had to beat the deaf and the blind to get there.

Any team that features Robbie Ringstad at second and Corky from Life Goes On at third has no shot. If those two gotards are the best options it says a lot. Believe it or not, Morneau's injury has fucked up the outfield more than the infield. With Cuddy moving to first we are left with two of the slowest corner outfielders ever. You might as well have me and Hoover out there holding down the fort. Not only that, with Kubel having to play the field that leaves Brendan Harris to DH. Wait, what? Brendan Harris? Brendan fucking Harris? You've got to be kidding me. You could argue that Jose 'Eddy Munster' Morales might be a better option, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't made contact in 3 weeks. Don't even get me started on the pitching. To sum up, they're horsehit covered in dog vomit.

While I'm on the topic of shitty sports teams, I'd like to throw out a tip to the Wild: It's a lot easier to win games if you don't spot the other team 3 goals.

On another note, 30 years and 9 months ago Tom and Moan got it on. Nine months later, Moan gave birth to a lovely baby moose. Happy birthday, Skipper.

Edit: I was able to track down a picture of how Skipper plans to celebrate his birthday.

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