Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Holy Shit Balls

Bobby Keppel gets a win, Carlos Gomez gets a hit and scores the winning run on a hit by Alexi Casilla. Yeah, good one asshole. There is no possible way that any of those three things can possibly happen. Ever. Especially not in the same game. And yet on my tv right now some idiots wearing twins shit are pouring champagne and beer on each other. Probably the best Twins game I've ever seen, if you can think of one better let me know. Also, Orlando Cabrera must smoke crack on the bench. That ADHD motherfucker was bouncing around like crazy when trying to give an interview. Awesome stuff.

Ok, enough with the praise for this team. We might as well stick with what worked the last month, giving up hope and counting them out.

I'll guarantee they're on vacation in a week. I'll call scores of 17-0, 13-2, and 8-5 all favoring the Yankees. It's been fun, but they might as well just stay at the dome and get hammered all night because it really won't matter come tomorrow.

Also, I know those aren't actual shit balls at the top, but the pictures that popped up when I searched for "balls of shit" were pretty disturbing. We'll go with this one.


  1. Want to know what's fun? Sitting in the ER with a 3 year old with an ear infection. Even better is leaving for the ER in the top of the 9th when Detwat just scored and not getting home until an hour and a half after it ended. Fuck, Natasha will be hearing about this when she's older. Yeah, we were watching the greatest Twins game ever when you threw up and we had to go to the ER. What kind of gamer are you? Little freakin sissy girl. I guess no one does the ol puke and rally anymore, huh Skippy?

  2. After that game, I don't know whether to cry tears of joy or to mourn the thousands of Detroitans (actual word?) who will jump off the top story of there soon-to-be foreclosed homes after their Tigers choked more in one game than they had in the entire month of September.

    Not to take anything away from the Twins. They made some plays, made some big pitches, and some clutch ground balls that Placido Polanco is too sweet to bend over for.

    Anyway, matchup looks good for the upcoming series. Especially interesting will be to compare offensive productivity of the teams 3rd basemen. Little handicap, if Tolbert hits a ball in fair territory, it counts as a 3 run homerun.

    Other postseason predictions: Nick Punto wins World Series MVP, as the Twins outlast there only real test of the postseason, beating the Rockies in 6 games. Punto bats .200 in postseason play, going 1/5, with 23 walks and 18 sacrifice bunts and fly balls. Not to mention 18 unconventional slides on the basepaths, fielded 35 ground balls from his belly, and 12 wierd putouts that looked like a horrible idea but somehow worked out. Last but not least, 16 pop ups fielded while calling off teammates who clearly had an easier path to the ball.


  3. Will,

    I wish I could sympathize with ya but that is why you shouldn’t have girls. Blake watched the entire game with me last night, not only that he mimicked me swearing at the TV and even told his mother to get his dad a beer for the game. He was so excited when the Twins won he jumped off the couch and bonked his head on the floor and says “I OK dad the Twins Won”. Talk about an awesome night!

  4. not to keep harping on you here, will, but you really have no one to blame but yourself. first, taking a kid to the emergency room sounds like a one person job. pretty sure susan should have been able to handle that one on her own. second, what kind of hospital are you going to that didn't have a TV anywhere? if the game had been FSN I could understand, but I'm guessing if you could have found a TV with TBS with minimal effort.